A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and this guy I was sleeping with for a while is 20. We were really good friends and he told me alot of things in confidence. He told me his ex-girlfriend miscarried about 8 months ago and it hurt him deeply. Well I found out the other day I'm pregnant with his baby, I told him and he panicked saying he couldn't go through that again. I panicked and told one of my friends and slipped up about the miscarriage. The thing is my friend is the type to gossip and I'm worried the miscarriage thing is going to go around. I told the guy I was sleeping with that I slipped up about the miscarriage and he doesn't know if he wants to talk to me anymore but I'm worried he's going to leave me on my own with the baby. I've apologised loads of times and I said I'm going to make sure it doesn't get around. How do I patch this up with him? I know I don't deserve him as a friend but I really want to make this up.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 Whoa. You're pregnant with by a 'friend' and you're concerned about gossiping?
Look, he broke confidence with the ex by telling you in the first place. If he has anyone to blame, it's himself. You didn't help by passing it on, obviously. Talk to the one you told and tell her to keep quiet about it but I think if he didn't want anyone else to know he shouldn't have told you. Apologize thoroughly, ONCE more and then it's time for everyone to act like grown-ups.
Now then, he's going to be a father whether you two are speaking or not. And you're going to be a mother. So what, besides worrying about gossip, have you done to prepare for the baby? Doctor's appointments in particular.
Your priorities are about to be drastically realigned but you haven't yet realized it.
Good luck to you.
A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (14 May 2011):
 First things first, stopping beating down on yourself. You made a mistake, yes, but an understandable one in the circumstances. Going round and round in the wheel of self-hatred isnt going to fix this to be honest. Second, you dont know for sure the friend you told has said anything, so you can do some work there and talk to them and explain the situation and try and do some damage limitation. I don't buy the line that being a gossipy person means you cant tell when its appropriate to keep your mouth shut. If we are all honest, one of the favourite topics of conversation we all like is each other and the goings on of others. If you find out that nothing has been said (which I actually think is likely) then you should tell your bf this and once again apologise. What you should also do is confide in him more your hopes and fears because what this episode may suggest is your not communicating your own feelings enough to him. Other than that your pretty much at his mercy. I will be honest, I will be very disappointed if he does walk away over this because to be blunt, he shouldn't. If he does then im inclined to argue his level of commitment wasn't what you thought it was in any case. Good luck and let us know what happens :)
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