A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went out on Sunday night with some friends and their friends (whom I had never met). One of the guys asked me for my phone number before I left. He knows I don't have a boyfriend. I gave it to him but I'm not interested at all romantically, although he'd be fun to have as a friend and I don't want to offend him in any way. I actually really like his friend. Today he sent me a text asking if I'd like to meet for coffee this week. No desire to have coffee alone with him. Or is it better to just ignore it and pretend I never got it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2014): I can tell you that you should do some additional homework and learn to say NO. You will not end up in a weird spot again, and the guy will know where he stands (something he will likely appreciate). Trying to be 'nice' helped no one, here. Lesson learned?..
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 April 2014):
 HI there, did you get these helpful answers? I think Cerberus had a really good answer. Save it up, practice it and use it. "Next time, OP, just say 'No thanks, I'm interested in someone at the moment.' "
That's simple and needs no further explanation, don't you think?
You can apply it now. I hope you tried it and it was helpful? Any follow up?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): I will go against the grain of advice and say you might still try to be friends with him.
But yes, you MUST tell him before you go any farther that you would like to be friends but you aren't feeling romantically interested in him. And do tell him that you are interested in someone else so he gets a clear enough picture that he doesn't just need to try harder.
After that let him decide if he wants to be your non-romantic friend or not. He might still want to be your friend. That might hurt him but I have ended up being friends with women I'm attracted to before and not regretted it. He also might keep trying to win you over romantically. Let him try if you want, just don't ever mislead him.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 April 2014):
 I agree with the others in telling the truth, though I'd say it gently in a way that saves him face.
"Thank you so much for the invite, but I think my heart's going in a different direction, and I don't want to lead you on in any way. No hard feelings, okay?"
And leave it at that. It's not his business if you're interested in his friend, nor is it his business your struggles with declining in person. This is the way to go. If he presses for information, just reiterate what you've said, and that you're sorry to decline.
That way, you're not giving the friend of a guy you *are* interested in a bad taste in his mouth by being too cruel or too cowardly by ducking him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): Give the guy a call and just be honest. Why dance around the truth? Let him know that you may have offered your number trying to be nice; but since, have changed your mind.
Politely decline the invitation; but not through a message.
He's a big boy, he can take it. Lying and dancing around the truth is a bad habit to practice. You gain more respect through honesty. We know it's more about saving face than your concern for his feelings. You don't want him to think badly of you. At least he'll know you're honest.
Don't hand out your number so quickly, then wonder how to take it back. That's leading a guy on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): This might be a bit harsh... but...
I'd say something like 'Oh, sharks, this is really awkward. actually I was hoping to ask your friend ... out for a coffee sometime.I'm so sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Maybe we can all hang out together sometime.'
This way when you do ask his friend out, he won't be held back by some brocode since the friend already knows you picked the other guy first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): Just to add: Being honest but obviously not telling him who you like, really is the most respectful and mature way of dealing with this.
Next time, OP, just say "No thanks, I'm interested in someone at the moment."
If they know you don't have a boyfriend and you can't use that excuse then just say you're interested in someone.
Both work perfectly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): Most women like you just ignore us but you can't do that this time because he's not a stranger, he knows your social group and it may stir up shit.
You also can't say "yes" because he's interested in you and friendship is not going to happen without leading him on and creating a mess.
I'd be straight up with him, OP. Honesty will work perfectly.
"Hey, thanks for the text. Listen I'm sorry for giving you my number, I'm actually interested in someone else and want to see if I can develop something with them. I hope you understand, sorry again. I need to grow a pair and figure out how to say no to guys when they ask."
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 April 2014):
 No, you can't stick your head in the sand and hope he "figure" it out.
Text him back and tell him that aren't interested, because that is the truth. And then in the future don't give out your number if you don't really WANT them to call and ask you out. It is JUST way easier and you can avoid all kind of hurt feelings.
It is NOT offending to tell a guy, I don't really give out my number unless I'm interested. He might initially think wow, harsh lady... but stringing him along, ignoring his texts or pulling the "we can be friends" card is even worse.
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