A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I did a very stupid thing. I gave my number to someone I'm not interested in, I'm going to this gym and a new person came and started talking to me. I make it a habit to talk to people because I'm trying to socialize more and all that. He was asking me about the classes and stuff so I just told him about it. He seemed like a nice person, very friendly, and said he's always been a bit socially awkward and that he's trying to break out of his comfort zone and make friends. He asked for my number saying íf i don't mind'. And me, like a silly, gave it to him because I felt bad to say no. I do have an inability to say no. He texted me a couple of times to ask me if I'd like to join him for other classes at the gym but when I said I don't go to those, he accepted it and didn't bother me. I have a strange feeling that it's going to get weird soon and I'm not sure how to deal with it... would it be alright for me to lie and say I have a boyfriend? I would block his number or ignore him, but I will probably meet him at the classes at the gym and it's gonna be awkward.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2022): The reason I think you should develop an imaginary boyfriend is because you seem so gullible!
Your phone number gives access to all your personal life via Facebook and WhatsApp according to your settings plus from what you're saying you subconsciously know this guy is going to be pushing for more.
I hope you get the ability to say no.
You don't know this guy and you didn't intend to encourage him.
He told you that he was putting himself out of his comfort zone but I think he is very comfortable with his rapid progression and you are now out of your comfort zone.
Oh, you might think,that makes us both out of our comfort zone and maybe I should try harder.
No, you should not!
You should try to extricate yourself if possible and remove his expectations that he is gonna get more..Maybe even trip you up and get you into bed.
You don't know if he has personality problems but even if he did he has neatly circumvented that problem by saying he had ADHD.
If he behaves oddly you'll end up assuming its all part of the ADHD.
For example, he may be the gym romeo.
He may have a history of hitting on pretty lone females and getting them into bed and then dropping them fast once they start questioning their reality.
You can't possibly know anything genuine about this guy other than that he has had a go at trying to make out you are gymn friends already ( because he has your number)!
He is trying to make out he is kind of like a girlfriend and you can take classes together... or maybe that's part of the pick up plan so that he knows an attached female would say 'oh no, I can't do that because boyfriend would go berserk etc.'
Or 'My boyfriend wouldn't like it!'
Or ' Can you get out of my face now ...'
You have no guarantee that anything he said is genuine.
You are under no obligation to humour him.
You can change your number and let your real friends know that someone 'youre not interested in, at the gymn, got your number.'
You can hand in your notice at the gym without explanation.
They will push to keep you but you have the freedom of choice.
Tell them you have an injury and doctor advised you to quit gym for six months until it heals.
If you tell them that this guy is making you feel uncomfortable by friending you up they will dismiss it as nothing most likely because they will do anything to keep you paying your fee, even if you don't turn up!
You have to be proactive about what you want and how to go about it.
I think you don't want this guy to latch onto your life.
Your subconscious is aware that he tried to get you to feel sorry for him with his 'out of his comfort zone' line.
I am not impressed by his fast advances.
I am concerned that you are just far too naive and suggest you read the news daily to stay on the ball.
Quite possibly you undervalue yourself!
As a female you must always be protective of yourself simply because violent crimes are often committed to women by men!
It's no good saying: oh I don't want to be paranoic.
You just have to make sensible decisions and avoid trouble and troublesome people.
You have to use your intuition about how you feel about someone.
In this case you knew you didn't want to start a romantic thing.
All guys will ask a pretty girl for her number.
Some expect a knockback.
Some expect to be given a wrong number.
But you are the person who should learn to just say nicely... Oh I can't give you my number..my boyfriend wouldn't like it ....see you around mate ..
Or shove off you ain't getting that...
You're not in primary school or any other setting where you're in trouble if you don't verify your phone number !
I'll bet by now you're thinking ' he couldn't possibly be that bad,' but at best he is a nuisance in your life.
He has virtually scrapped your independence at the gym.
You don't even know if the guy is married!
He wasn't wearing a ring so you assume that guy isn't married but that's not always the case!
You can talk to take people on a less personal level.
One meeting does not make a friend or a romance!
Take it from me that if this guy is gonna rush you like that, then plenty of other guys will want to as well.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 July 2022):
 EDIT!
"Should you lie to him? no. You (should) have to "hide" behind a fictitious BF to avoid talking to someone. It's not your job to "not hurt a guy's feelings". "
Should OF COURSE have been:
Should you lie to him? no. You (shouldn't) have to "hide" behind a fictitious BF to avoid talking to someone. It's not your job to "not hurt a guy's feelings".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2022): Maybe he is just being friendly? Maybe he also just wants to make some friends? He hasn't tried it on with you. He hasn't asked you on a date. Not sure why you assume he fancies you or that things will get weird. If he does ask you out, you can just say that you are flattered but not looking for a relationship right now, or that you feel that you have more of a friend connection. Nothing wrong with that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 June 2022):
"I do have an inability to say no."
Time to practice!
If you can tell him no thanks to going to certain classes, you CAN tell a guy no to giving out your number.
I had to teach my daughters that it's PERFECTLY OK to not give out your number unless you WANT to. JUST because someone asks, doesn't mean you HAVE to. It doesn't make you mean or rude. All you have to do is say, I don't really give out my number.
If they ask why, just say for safety reasons. You don't OWE them an elaborate explanation. Ever.
Should you lie to him? no. You should have to "hide" behind a fictitious BF to avoid talking to someone. It's not your job to "not hurt a guy's feelings". Which is learning to say NO in the first place is vital. That way you don't end up having to make up shit to placate someone.
Should you block him, only if you want to. If it makes it easier on you to do so, then block him.
Most likely he will take the hint that you aren't interested. Not in friendship or anything more. Just in chit-chatting with people. If he doesn't then block him.
If it gets weird at the gym, just focus on your exercise and ignore it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2022): You still go to the same gym, where you're likely to run into each-other. I'm not sure why you presume that things are going to get weird, when thus far they haven't?
He didn't ask for a date, at which you have every right to decline. You had better practice saying "no;" because it could save your skin or your dignity someday.
He only asked for you to accompany him to a class; he did not ask you for a date. He is still in the pre-approved trial-period of the friendzone; which is also where you are. This gives you the inalienable right to block his calls, decline his invitations; and when you see him a the gym, to simply be polite but let him know that maybe you'd prefer he not call you.
Develop the courage to deflect unwanted passes or flirtations. It is for your own safety, and it's common sense. He hasn't done anything to "assume" things will get weird; unless there's more to tell than what you've offered in your post.
If your gym has another location; perhaps you can workout elsewhere for a little while, and block his calls in the meantime. If you decide to return to your preferred gym location; be honest, and just admit you just felt a little nervous and put on the spot when you gave him your number. You don't want to lead him on, and don't wish to make things feel awkward. Let him know to feel free to say "hello," if you run into each-other at the gym.
You're all grown-up now; practice setting your boundaries with people. Especially, with men! You should feel comfortable wherever you go; and shouldn't feel compelled to issue-out your number to anyone, unless you really want to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2022): Do anything you can to protect yourself, including saying that you have a bf and be careful in the future.
You yourself have mentioned that you can't say no and that you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
People tend to exploit that even if these feelings you have are completely baseless, like when you're interacting with strangers! You don't owe them anything.
There's a reason why some people are alone and it's NOT because they are shy! If he were shy he couldn't have asked you for your number. Watch what people DO not what they tell.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2022): Why oh why do you feel you have an obligation to tell anyone anything about you?
Do you really think it would be wrong to tell this stranger that you have a boyfriend when you don't?
You don't have to tell anyone anything.
If you tell a little white lie to this stranger it is for your own protection!
It's not really any concern of his except you feel he is pushing to have more personal input in your life.
Please consider the times it would be prudent to not give all the wholesome details of your life to anyone.
We preserve ourselves by avoiding letting potentially dangerous people into our innermost circle ..And that includes preserving our bodies and our minds.
If it were so important for us to be upfront and truthful about our lives to everyone we meet we would all display our personal details like age, address, relationship details.
Ok, most of this is available on social media or Facebook but these people are open to being scammed.
In a way you are just removing the pressure to be his girlfriend by telling him you already have a boyfriend.
No harm done!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2022): So far, all he's tried to do is be a friend. He may not want to hit on you. But, if he does try to start something, then of course you can just say that you have a boyfriend, if that's what you feel the most comfortable saying. It's an easy way to cool someone down without hurting anyone's feelings.
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