A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My girlfriend and I are sexually active. We've never had intercourse but we have oral quite a bit. The first time I gave her oral, it was great and she said she had never had a guy do it so enthusiastically and so good. I'm very aware of how to make a girl feel good and I like that fact! But the next time we had tried, it smelled pretty bad and on accident I ended up gagging. I really didn't mean to! It was just reflex and I wanted to give her pleasure so bad! This was a few months ago, and ever since she hasn't let my face anywhere near her vagina. I've talked to her about it and I've apologized so many times, but I've ruined her image of herself. How do I get her confidence back up? I want to try again, I don't know why it smelled so bad the second time when the first time wasn't that bad... any help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSoon, thank you. I don't want to guilt her into anything, so I don't think I would say that. But I appreciate the advice!Silly, I think that is a great idea. Stop bringing it up, and just build that trust.Anonymous(right after Silly), she is comfortable enough to let me finger her, I've even gotten her to orgasm just by fingering. And I know many women can't orgasm without being comfortable, so that's a good sign! She just won't let me down there.Anonymous (third post), I don't think you understand my question. Cant Trust, thank you for your response!BettyBoup, your response made me smile. I appreciate the kind words and wisdom.almasdp, unfortunately, I thought if I had told her then, she would be mortified. So I just pressed on to please her because it didn't bother me too much. But my gag reflex kicked in.. and well you know. It's unfortunate that by trying to avoid embarrassing her I only made it worse...person, I can't thank you enough for your response. I appreciate it very much.You all have been a great help. I have to admit something, though. This is not a current girlfriend. This is a girlfriend from years past. I have not had a girlfriend since then, and wanted to understand how to avoid this situation and make it turn out better. I appreciate everything you guys have told me, and I'm sorry that my question was not in true honest form. I thought this would be the best way to get honest responses.Again, thank you so much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): This is gunna be a hard one to overcome, but as a suggestion ....Organize to take a bath together. Make it romantic, candles in the room, a nice scented bath bomb or bath oil, rosepetals floating in the water, ...that sort of thing, ... maybe even a couple of champagne glasses, a nice bottle of bubbly, bowl of strawberries, etc. Get her nice and relaxed, pamper her with a bit of a foot massage, get a nice soft washer/flannel and wash her down all sensually, ...and take your time before trying anything overtly sexual. Tell her how nice she smells, how soft her skin is, ...all that flattering stuff. If she is receptive to getting sexual, don't dive in for the kill, ...instead kiss down her body, her legs, etc, ...deliberately avoiding that area. You could even use a flavoured oil in the bath and throw a comment in whilst kissing her about how good she tastes. Stimulate her manually first, and I would suggest quite deliberately tasting your hand. By then, hopefully you have got her relaxed and wanting it, have given her confidence with the bath smells that she will be pleasantly fragrant, and reassured her with the finger tasting that you are not finding her objectionable. If you try to move your kissing in to oral sex at that point, she may just let you. Good luck :-) P.S Try looking at Kama Sutra products. They make several flavours of waterbased 'love oils' which would probably work, ...but I am pretty sure they have one specifically for flavouring the bath.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 May 2010):
 Well if I was a girl, it would take me awhile to get over that sort of thing too. I had a guy make fun of my bikini line stubble in high school and was self-conscious about it for YEARS. This is going to require two things on your part. One, instead of apologizing, you need to go way overboard laying on compliments about that region and telling her how sexy you think it is to go down on her. I'll bet it's not so much that she feels hurt but that she's just incredibly self-conscious now. It will also require you to do this over time. It's going to take a little while for it to sink in that you think she's beautiful and that you like doing this. Try to do it immediately after a shower or something along those lines so that she'll know she's clean. A lot of women are very self-conscious about their vaginas. Porn stars aren't just airbrushed up top, even their labia are airbrushed to perfection. Plus we're bombarded with images of hairlessness down there that can't be achieved without painful waxing. Also we're told constantly that smelliness can drive a man away. I've actually seen ads from just a decade ago advertising vagina cleaner so your husband doesn't kick you out. You just need to try to make her feel like that area is beautiful just the way it is.
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 Oh bless you guys! Unfortunatly the reality of sex isn't always lovely and romantic and rose scented! It can be messy, smelly, awkward and embarracing! But that's part of the fun and you need to be able to laugh off the things that go wrong or are embarracing or you'd never be able to really relax and enjoy it for what it is. Bless her cotton socks, she must have felt mortified. It's good that you're understanding and realistic about these things. Give her a little time to get over it. Once she realises that you're still interested in doing it and that that means that it wasn't so bad after all, I'm sure she will come round to the idea of letting you go down on her again. Just keep reminding her how lovely she is and make her feel good about herself to boost her confidence.
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reader, cant trust +, writes (5 May 2010):
I think you should be honest with her and tell her you had no control over the gag reaction due to the odor.It happens to everyone including men.It could have been several different things.I say cook dinner for her and maybe buy flowers and run her a bubble bath,rub her down with lotion and i don't think she could turn you down...good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): let her try doushbag. and tell her what happend and that it was one time sitation that it happends every women one time in her life
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): Okay I have had a really embarassing sexual moment that involved me giving a guy a blow job and trying to be all cool and seemingly experienced i bit him... Fortunately, this was and still is my best friend and this embarassing moment stays between us. However, for a long time he would always remind me just to make me feel awkward and embarassed. He didn't honestly care after the fact but he found it funny to know he had something on me for a change that was embarassing and i HATED it! I hated being reminded, it made me feel really insecure.Basically, by bringing it up constantly and reminding your girlfriend of this moment only reminds her of how embarassed and insecure she is to go that far with you.I would suggest laying low about the whole topic, act like it never happened, your not bothered by it. Treat her with respect and be romantic/passionate in the way you kiss her, hold her, etc. Remind her of how much she means to you and of her beauty.Then maybe one night when things are heated, kissing, stroking her hair, like your ready to rip each others clothes off and make love your that engrossed each other- and maybe so!But is love making does not happen, just start to feel her up but in a way that makes her feel good to be touched not like your trying to get anywhere with this. Eventually make your way into fingering her. This could be a good start to opening that comfortability level and passage again to the territory.Just try to keep kissing her so she cant refuse... and I don't mean like rape, but don't give her a moment to consider if she wants you to or not, because once she realizes how good it feels she may not care anymore.Then if all is well at that point, bring your kisses lower while doing the deed with your hands... kiss her down her neck and maybe youll get low enough to eating her out. Lets just hope she is so aroused by the way you touch and kiss her shell give in to the pleasure. XD
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): Well... First sometimes girls just get an odor down there. It changes for everyone at different times so don't worry about that. Sometimes guys have different smells and tastes also. Second, I think your right you kind of knocked down her self esteem. All I can think of is building back up. Stop apologizing and start building a good foundation for trust. Until she feels good around you again you'll never get the job done anyway. For many of us girls getting that orgasm is more mental than physical. It will take some more time but should pay off big when you get her happy and comfortable.
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