A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have known this guy for 4 months, everything was good and we had a very good connection. After a while, he started falling for me, he confessed his feeling to me and he wanted a relationship. He was so desperate for my love which turned me off a little. I told him i needed some space and after a week i messaged him again and told him that i don't have strong feelings towards him however i find him as my best friend. He's kind of hurt of the fact that i don't have the same feelings for him but we are still talking and he backed off a little. However, he is starting to play the jealousy game and tries to show me that he is also wanted from another women. I'm finding it very annoying and childish. I love this guy as my best friend and we talk and hang out alot but i only see him as my best friend. I never ever play with his feelings or just lead him on, im very straight forward with him but i know that he is deeply hurt from me. I just sometimes think that i should block him and so we both move on, and better for him to find someone else. But i just can't, he is my friend and i cant imagine myself not talk to him. But i know if i block him and drift away from him, it will hurt him even more and will make things worse. Should i do that huge step? What do i do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 March 2018):
 Yes he is hurt because that is his male pride. He likes you and he wants nothing more than for you to like him back, so he is trying to make you jealous! He will always have hope for as long as you allow him to be friends with you. Now you need to do the proper thing and let go. He cannot be friends with you as he has romantic feelings for you and is only going to keep hurting himself. You cannot keep hanging around with him when you know he wants more. The best thing to do for him especially is to end this friendship. Be honest with him tell him you cannot be friends any more and block him. Give him a chance to get over you and you move on and find more friends.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 March 2018):
 Take some advice from someone who has been there and experienced that. You two have very different agendas. Being his "best friend" is not going to work. He wants more. The only way forward is to break all contact until he has moved on. Even then reconnecting may not be a good idea as it could reignite the feelings he currently has for you.
Be firm. Cut all contact with him. He has to realize that, just because it is what HE wants, does not mean he has any rights to it if the feelings are not reciprocated. Yes, you will miss him, but you need to do this for both of you. To this day I miss the friend I had to cut out of my life because of a similar situation (and we are talking nearly 20 years ago) but, equally, I know it was the only way forward.
Be strong.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 March 2018):
 Take your own advice.
Block him and move on. You absolutely CANNOT be friends when one of the participants has romantic feelings. Stop keeping him around because he's nice and you like your ego being stroked.
Back off and stick to it.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (1 March 2018):
 How is he your *best friend* after 4 months? I agree it's selfish to keep him around for your own feelings when it's tugging at his heart strings.
I've been the gf of a guy with feelings for his friend. When he finds a nice girl who may be the one for him, you keep talking to him- he won't get over you, he'll just secretly KEEP wishing.. he'll be secretly hung up on you, when he should be free to make the RIGHT girl his one and only.
There is no way you can keep him in your life in the foreseeable future and not lead him on. Sorry but they're the facts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2018): Sweetheart, you don't get to dismiss a person's feelings; but still hold-on to them, because you like them.
He's not there for your convenience or entertainment. You want him to be a "best friend." He wants you to be his girlfriend. You can only resolve that conflict by letting him go. You don't get to hold onto and reject people at the same time. Set him free!
When he starts acting childish, you have to ignore him and give him distance. You can't accept his calls or call him, because this only aggravates the situation. It's a matter regarding his feelings. People act silly or foolish; because the heart doesn't like being denied what it wants.
You don't want to let go of the benefit of knowing he likes you, and the qualities he has that you like about him.
You don't get to maintain power over his feelings to suit yourself. You don't want to let go of his adoration and attention, but you don't want the guy who comes with them.
You don't have the option to select the feelings you want from him, and tell him how not to feel in return.
If he likes you the wrong way, and you can't return those feelings; that means he has to go. Being annoyed is a little insensitive. Don't torture him.
The minute he does find a girlfriend and those feelings for you go-away; you'll suddenly decide you want him back. That's the purpose of a "self-serving/conditional friendship." When you dump somebody; but you try to hold-on to that part of them you still believe you own, and want to use.
You cannot be friends; because he has made it abundantly clear that's not enough. If he is annoying you; then you have to cut all ties and break the connection entirely to give him a chance to detach his feelings and move on.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 March 2018):
 OP, it's been 4 months - jeez. You barely know each other. It makes sense that he wants to date, but it doesn't make sense for you to call him your best friend or say that you can't imagine not talking to him.
I get it, you like him, but you are still strangers. Block him now, before it gets worse. He doesn't want to be friends, you know that. You need to be able to deal with these, as you're older now and you'll both have to reject people. He's a friend, but not your best friend. He fancies you, but he doesn't love you. Neither of you love each other in any context - you're not young teens anymore.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 March 2018):
 What do you do?
Well, I think you HAVE to accept that being "best friends" is NOT what he wants and NOT something that works once romantic feelings are involved -even when they are one-sided.
The fact that he is HURT by your rejection might explain his behavior but it DOESN'T excuse it!
I DO think you should wish him well and block him. He isn't capable of being YOUR friend after you rejected him. So SET your BOTH free and block him.
And yes you CAN imagine not talking to him, you have known him for 4 months, not a life-time. So don't use that dramatic excuse! And do NOT accept someone to lash out with "mind-games" because you don't feel the same as they do!
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A
female
reader, louiselistens +, writes (1 March 2018):
 Hi anonymous writer,
it's a tough situation you've found yourself in. You don't want to hurt your friend, you care about him deeply and don't want to lose him from your life, but he has these feelings for you and they're not going away.
Saddening as it may be, the best thing you can do for him right now is to stop being his friend. Whilst you two are friends, he will always feel a glimmer of hope that something might happen between you two and he won't stop trying. He will become jealous and resentful of you not feeling the same way, especially if you get a new boyfriend. This could get messy.
It would be kinder to stop talking to him for a while and put some distance between you too. It will hurt him, but not as much as him feeling like he has wasted years of his time investing in you, only for you to still not feel the same, would.
Best wishes,
louiselistens
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2018): This happens to me a lot. Generally i exaplain why im not feeling the same but i always reduce my time and contact with the guy.
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