A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I had a relationship that I'm trying to get back. I found that there is hope for us and i'm willing to take the chance. I know I need to try and dissappear from her for a while so she might have the time to miss me basically. That aside, my problem is in the meantime how do I get passed the pain and hurt. She still wants to talk and everything so it's hard to break contact with her completely and it keeps her fresh in my mind. She knows how I feel, now thats all I can do for now. But I want to stop thinking about her all the time. I cant eat or sleep. Standard. Thats why im asking you all. Tell me how to stop thinking about it and how to be happy even if things dont work out. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (11 January 2008):
Believe it alsso makes me so sick.It seems women are becoming heartless by the day.Ladies bring up unnecesary complications in their lives.One thing i've learnt from experience is that when you truly love a lady,you might end up hurt.It's like women are attrected to men they know don't love them.Sometimes i feel women have a phobia to true love but i know there are a few that are willing to take it with both hands and gaurd it safely.I once thought men who cheat and use women for sex are monsters.They are not.They are just a reflection of the deceptive evil some ladies have.Don't get so emotionally attached to a lady unless you are sure you are going to marry her.Well that's my motto for 2008!
Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionps. Im so sick of this crap from women. I know it's part my fault, but I always try to adjust and they never seem too. Whatever, I think this is why so many guys just dont give a crap. And then I meet there ex girlfriends!!
...............................
A
male
reader, chlez83 +, writes (9 January 2008):
Hey man i feel your pain.I had just been going through a similar experience with my current girl until i decided toget back with her.It's either you tell her you also need your space and frequent calls are not doing you any good or you try and win her back and ignore the space crap.I took the second option and things seem ok now.There's no secret formula to relieve the pain but keep away from her if you wana heal faster and try to be around people alot.
Take care.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the info. I pretty much know all this, but it's nice hearing other people say it. We may or may not get together one day who knows. I know I cant count on it. I just want to feel better. Thanks all.
...............................
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 I know exactly what you mean following my breaking up with my girlfriend 2 months ago. Damn it's been hard what with the whole Christmas and New Year thing too.
The only way to do this in my opinion is to not stay in touch too much. To be honest I want my EX back after 2 months of being apart but as far as I'm concerned it's over and if it does happen it happens but I'm not hoping/counting on it.
If she texts/calls too often for you to handle you need to tell her you're having difficulty and need some space. Perhaps say to her you'll be in touch in a few days/a week/a couple of weeks or something (whatever you're comfortable with).
In terms of the hurt you are feeling the only thing I can say is you need to let your emotions out and don't bottle them up. It's perfectly ok to get upset and it actually helps. I cried a few times (obviously on my own as being a bloke we're too macho for that) but felt better afterwards. I also felt emotionally tired after letting my emotions out and slept like a baby. You need to deal with the loss similar to a death only not as extreme. You need to grieve for the end of the relationship and sort YOURSELF out. I've been through this stage and feel much better now. When I bumped into my EX this weekend just gone I didn't get upset, although some feelings did stir - I do miss her and it was awkward but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
I'm quite a slim guy and have been meaning to try and put some weight on since my Dad passed away 5 years ago (I lost loads of weight after that due to lack of sleep and eating combined with exccessive drinking and drugs). So I decided to take my new found free time to work out... I've been working out for 2 months now and 3 times a week and have to say I feel really good. I've even put on 7lbs in weight. It's also provided me with an outlet for stress and frustrations I've been having regarding the break up (and anything else for that matter).
In addition to this I try and do something that makes me feel good once every day. Sounds a bit girly but showing yourself some TLC really does help. I got my haircut at the weekend, I treated myself to a new shirt, just having a long hot shower/bath makes me feel good. One day I even spent about 6 hours clearing rubbish out of my flat and giving it a thorough clean from top to bottom. Even this made me feel good (and it kept me busy). I'm looking forward to getting away for a weekend break in the Spring/Summer - I'll just go by myself and stay in a hostel in Barcelona or something. ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD. If you can't do one thing a day, then stack them... If you know tomorrow you're not going to have time then do two things today, if you miss a day then next day do two things.
You MUST eat properly. I know where you're coming from with this. For about a week or two following the break up I was in the same position. Even when I tried to make myself eat, my stomach was in knots and just said "no". However, I was fed up with being tired all the time and I made it a priority to sort myself out. Popped down the shops and bought loads of nice food and have been eating healthily since.
On the sleep front, I too experienced this, it took some time. I would have my really bad days and my not so bad days where I would think about her at random moments. Again, after a couple of weeks this soon faded and now I make sure I wind down properly before I want to go to bed. Watching a film in bed kept my mind busy (although soppy ones are best avoided) and I would sleep nice and peacefully. Reading a book helps.
There's that "Bridget Jones" stage where for the first couple of weeks or so you check for messages on your phone, your mobile, check your email, and even your social networks (myspace, facebook etc.). This passes as you fill up your life with things to do. Something that worked in the beginning was posting my feeling on here. Then I could vent my feelings in black and white. This helped. ALternatively you could just write your thoughts down, perhaps even keep a diary?
The trick is you've got to keep yourself busy. I took the opportunity that it's the new year to buy a pocket diary and fill it up with things to do, hobbies, dinner with friends, working out, going out, or even just setting aside some time to clean my flat (apartment to you Americans).
Also, I took some time to think about what I want to do this year. What are my aims/goals for 2008? Well I want to pay off my overdraft, go on at least one holiday, do another couple of exams for my professional qualification, maybe look for the next move in terms of my career. I want to take up martial arts again and I'd like to look into dancing alongside the working out I'm already doing. I'm pretty sure that's going to keep me busy!
I have to say you're priority right now should be looking after YOU. I'm sure the girls will agree following a break up it's nice to treat yourself and show yourself some TLC... I'm sure girls treat themselves to a new pair of shoes, get their hair done, get their nails done, and God only knows what else. There's no reason you can't do stuff just to make YOURSELF feel better.
So in summary;
1) LOOK AFTER YOURSELF - EAT PROPERLY AND GET PLENTY OF SLEEP. IF YOU CANNOT SLEEP AT NIGHT AND END UP WITH ONLY 4 HOURS SLEEP. HAVE A NAP IN THE EVENING NEXT DAY.
2) TAKE THE TIME YOU'VE GOT TO TREAT YOURSELF. DO AT LEAST ONE THING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD EACH DAY.
3) HOOK UP WITH FRIENDS AND GET IN TOUCH WITH OLD FRIENDS YOU'VE LOST TOUCH WITH.
4) THINK ABOUT SOME NEW HOBBIES YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO TRY AND TRY THEM.
5) THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT FOR 2008 - WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS/AIMS.
6) BUY A POCKET DIARY AND FILL IT UP WITH THINGS TO DO EACH DAY. DON'T OVERDO IT THOUGH - YOU'LL NEED DOWN TIME TO JUST CHILL OUT AND RELAX.
Of course these are only suggestions. It's entirely up to you. I don't think keeping in regular contact will work. PRIORITISE YOURSELF and maybe drop her a message/call her in a couple of weeks or so.
Best of luck :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): I understand that must be hard, I have heard that if you break up just once in a relationship, then it really isn't good, and it affects it forever. Think about the whole situation, not just how you feel when she's not there. You should consider how you would feel if you did get back together with her. How much animosity would you have against her. And how insecure about the relationship would you be?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): hi Liam,
if u want to get her back then you should definately give her some space, stay in contact just not as often as you might have used to talk etc. If she knows how much ur missing her n thinking about her then shes basically gonna feel good about herself. Stop worrying, after a couple of weeks if you are meant to be together, things will work out!! I bet she feels exactly the same as you, cant stop thinking about past memories, etc. You never know you might decide yourself that you could do better and have been missing out!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Hi Andy. There is no way to do that. You'll just have to go through the pain you're feeling if you want to take the chance of getting her back. If you feel the pain is not worth it, tell her you don't want her in your life any longer.
...............................
|
