A
female
age
41-50,
* Sheraton
writes:After a long suffering separation and the legal issues, my fiance' is getting his final court date for a divorce in September.However, I was nosy and looked in his email. I found out from the email that he has sent to his divorce lawyer, said to him that he has slept with his soon to be ex-wife in January and asked him whether it is going to effect his divorce.....I was devastated and heartbroken. I could not believe that he could do such things for me as he is so wonderful, caring and loving. We even have met with the parents and planned a wedding in January.He was very angry at first for me looking through his private stuff and then he was really upset, crying and begging me for forgiveness. I don't know whether I should forgive him or not? I know it was a one off but it also counts as cheating, isn't it? I still love him very much....We have been living together for more than a year and he has been my rock. We have been through lots of life's disasters together and he has always there for me.Now I am really confused and so disgusted with what he did. He said his ex was initiate it while he went to visit his kid in her home country. His ex tried everything to stop the divorce.... I have no idea that things could happened like this.I cried myself to sleep, have been up since last night and I am so lost. Please tell me what shall I do? One way, I wanted to leave him for good. Another way, I just wanted to love him like I did and forgive him.Please advise, I really am on the edge of committing suicide and having a nervous breakdown.Thank you everybody.
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divorce, ex-wife, fiance, heartbroken, his ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2012): As much as we want to believe these guy's they pretty much will say and do anything to get you to believe them..."please forgive me, I know I shouldn't have, I was stupid and so ashamed, please honey I love you and only you", don't fall for his crap. That was just one time you found out about his escapades, I bet he has more hidden crap that he is surely hoping you won't find out. Once a cheater always a cheater. And, yes, I know this first hand, been there, done that, won't let another do that to me, to many real men out there to play to his hand. Don't fall for his lies. Get out before you get so involved that there will, so it may seem, no way out...then you are stuck with this scum and depise everyday you look into his face and remember that you weren't on his mind that love making night, just his ex and he obviously loved it or her to do that to your relationship..I wish I had left when I found out because I know that I will have found a true love and a man I could trust...no trust with the scum I ended up being with...but, since he's done it to me, I won't regret the day I do it to him...karma is such a great thing, his day will come...
A
female
reader, E Sheraton +, writes (24 July 2008):
E Sheraton is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear All
Thank you very much for your advices. I couldn't agree more with you guys that I should keep away from him for now. May be I should wait until the ink drys on the divorce paper.
Last night he has sent me a home made website, with all our pictures and said on the website that how sorry he was and how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I just ignored him, did not email him back...
This morning, I was shocked when I saw him in the house,still in his uniform and crying on my sofa?! He claimed the he has no cloths at work and said how sorry he was. Part of me felt very sorry for him and part of me wanted to kick his sorry a@$*!!
I do love him dearly. However, I am not ready to forgive and forget what he had done to me. Surely, he will turn up at my office again for the lunch time....I think I will give him a piece of my mind. I will let you know.
Thank you again!
Em
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A
female
reader, breezieworthy  +, writes (24 July 2008):
hey all i can really do is agree with what everbody else has said take a break away from him if your still seeing him it will take longer and make it much more difficult to think about the situation and get your feelings and thoughts together just stay strong and follow your heart take care love ttyl
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (23 July 2008):
 Em darling!! I dont think I can ever forgive or forget completely. Its just that I decided there were worse things in life that can happen and I put it to the back of my mind. I know its weird but it kind of made me stronger in the end. I guess I thought that even though she was devious and obviously wanted to do this and for me to find out, he still chose me to be with. How bad must she have felt that her plan didnt work.
But he is not in the clear, and never will be. I just dont mention it any more. Like I say, he made a mistake, and if he ever made another I would have his guts for garter's LOL. We would be finished for sure.
This happened 4 years ago, so its not as painfull anymore. You will get there, if thats what you decide to do.
XXX
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A
female
reader, BurstMyBubble x +, writes (23 July 2008):
 Hun, you dont deserve to be hurt like that.
Talk to him and say you think yous should just have a break and seriously think about if you want to get back with this guy.
Personally i wouldent, if finish with him straight away.
I know its not that easy, but as the saying goes theres plenty of more fish in the sea.
Good luck & Take care
x
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A
female
reader, E Sheraton +, writes (23 July 2008):
E Sheraton is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, breezieworthy. I do really appreciate your comments :) I wish I could be strong like you.
I feel like it was the end of the world, really. As he is the last person on earth that I think could cheated on me. All my friends were so jealous that I have such a nice, kindhearted and sensitive boyfriend.
He took care of me, my friends and everybody around him. He is a kind of person who will stops his car to help in the accident or helping an old lady crossing the road.
When I had a case against my old company earlier this year, I lost almost everything hence my lawyer cost 20,000 USD. Hep paid half of the lawyer's costs and paid for my rent until I could find a new job. He even bought my friend plane tickets for her dream job's interview. That's how kind he is.
I still couldn't believe how could he do that to me and how devious his ex was. She is Hungarian and never work before in her life. She even use his money to pay for her lawyer, trying everything to stop the divorce. And recently I found out that she has use his money to join an ultimate dating agency/website in Hungary!! I couldn't believe that a person could go this low.
However, I do blame in both parties. Please breezieworthy, do you have any further advise how to get on with my life?
Many thanks
Em xx
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A
female
reader, E Sheraton +, writes (23 July 2008):
E Sheraton is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you TELLULAH. I had friends coming last night. Obviously he has been talking to them before I did. They told him to stay away from me for a while until I could get my head straight.
Still, couldn't feel any better. But I am trying to be strong. Can you please tell me honey, is it easy to forgive and forget? How did you manage to forgive him and move on with your life?
Thank you
Em
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A
female
reader, breezieworthy +, writes (23 July 2008):
hey hun i wanted to follow up with you and see how you were doin? i think you need to whats right for you.If it was my husband it would feel like the end of the world is here but i gotta say committing suicide is not the answer you gotta think of all the people you'd hurt if you did that just because your fiance wanted to be stupied
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (22 July 2008):
If only it were as simple as that. If I had not been weak I wonder if I would have had my partner back.
All I can say is go with your heart darling. I know how you feel, and how much it hurts. It wont do you any harm to put some space between you both for a while, to get your head straight.
Although I understand the other ladies point's of view (I had the same myself till it happened to me) its so hard when its you that has to deal with it.
I will say one thing "I dont regret it" whatever happens I'm glad I have tried again. If it goes wrong, then at least I tried. But thats just me.
Take care, and it might feel like it at the moment, but its not the end of the world. XXX
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A
female
reader, E Sheraton +, writes (22 July 2008):
E Sheraton is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everybody for your advise. I do agree with both of you,TELLULAH and breezieworthy from different points of view.
However, my wound is still very raw. I have been crying for all day today and had to keep my office's doors shut!
He has been calling for all the time. However, I did not response to him. I am still very confused. I do really have no idea what shall I do for the next step.
Most important, I do not want to get hurt again in the future. If in that case, I should cut him out of my life. However, on the other hand I do love him dearly. Please tell me how could I trust him again? I can not really see that happen in the near future.
I gave up all the opportunities to be with him in the Middle East. Do you think it is time for me to move on with my life and go back home or wherever to take a break from him?
It is really hard to swallow. All my ego and self-esteem has been chattered. I still can not see how am I going to get my life back again.
Thank you again,
Em
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (22 July 2008):
Hi,
I have been in a very simular situation to you. My partner had to go to visit a university with his daughter and his ex. They stayed in a hotel over night because it was to far to come back in one day. I cried myself to sleep that night, because I knew what a devious cow she was.
Even though my partner insisted that nothing would happen and that he loved me. She had great delight in telling me a few weeks later how they had shagged in a toilet (nice).
I split up with him, and cried my eyes out. I thought he would go running back to her, but he didnt. He went to stay with his parents, and every day called me begging to forgive him. He of course blamed her, and that he had gone out with the ex and daughter and got drunk.
Eventually I had him back. I love him very much, but I cant trust him and dont think I would ever trust a man 100% again. Thats the hardest thing to live with. That and the fact he still has to go round and visit his kids.
I push it to the back of my mind most of the time, and I told him if there is ever a doubt that he has done anything like that again, that's it between us.
You can be happy again, but it takes a hell of a lot of hard work on both sides. We all make mistakes dont we? and men are very weak. Make sure he knows you will never forget what he did though.
XXXX Good luck
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A
female
reader, breezieworthy +, writes (22 July 2008):
If my husband went back to his ex and he slept with her he'd be out the door down the road and id never look back he is divorcing her right divorce= he doesnt want to be with her any more but yet he goes to bed with her umm ok somethings wrong there i think you should get rid of him because what makes you think he wont do it again even worse after you get married he obviously still wants her so i think hes gotta go
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