A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I already made a research on this topic, tried some of the advices that other people post on random forums, blogs, etc, but non of this actually helped. So, here's the thing, and I'm hoping You have something clever to say, or some tips if you have been in similar/same situation before;I had a boyfriend in high school for almost 2 years. We broke up when I move to another city to go to college, but we stayed so called friends. We were apart for like year and a half and he had other girlfriends which didn't really bothered me because I was seeing another boy as well. This autumn we started dating again and everything was much better than times when we were couple in school, so I was really happy. We hadn't slept together before because I didn't feel like loosing my virginity back then nor did he, but we talked about it. Now, in our "new" relationship, I felt if would be right thing to do because I love him, we are both virgins bla bla bla... But two months ago, I found out he actually slept with his ex girlfriend and lied to me this whole time even thought I asked him about that and gave him opportunity to tell me about his sexual past.Since then, I've not been able to get the images of them two out of my head. I talked to him about it a few times and he felt sorry, guilty and a disappointed in himself, but tried to help me out by listening even thought his suggestion was to forget about that whole thing because it's painful for both of us. Or at least he said so. It did not help and I can't forget, obviously. I am not mad because he did slept with her, I'm just disappointed because he lied to me. He is a nice guy but I'm worried about future possible lies.It's been over two months, we are still together, I no longer feel as though my head will explode every time I think about it, but I'm not OK either. All this really has no bearing on how I feel about him, but the only problem is that it's become like this poisonous thing stuck in my head which I cannot push out. I am well educated (I study law at the best law school in my country), I am pretty and polite, but sometimes (especially when it comes to thinking about my bf past, and his ex girlfriends, I feel incredibly self conscience, doubt in everything I say or do, I often think about that girl he slept with and find myself torturing my own mind with thoughts that she is prettier or funnier or whatsoever. It's stupid, I know, but I can not help myself. :(Any and all suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you!
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both virgins, broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, my ex, sexual past Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (5 March 2013):
Everyone lies about their sex life or lack of it. This is an issue and you need to discuss this with him. Express your lack of trust with him. Express your expectations. If you are still not satisfied, you need to move on.
Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): I hate to sound harsh but what he did during your time apart is absolutely none of your business or concern, much like everything you did would be none of his. All you need to know is that he is clean STI-wise. He could have had sex with a few hundred other women while you were apart and it wouldn't matter. I'm sure he lied to you because he didn't want to hurt your feelings/go through what you are going through now/felt that it was none of your business.
The only reason his sexual relationships are any of your business is if they happened when you were together.
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