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male
age
,
anonymous
writes: My wife and I have been married for 15 years after two years of dating. Recently we received a card from a woman that revealed my wife had an affair with her husband for over a year while she worked for him. The relationship happened before we were dating. However, my wife continued to work for him for three years after we were married. She even had the nerve to invite him to our wedding. The position involved many roadtrips where they would spend significant amounts of time in the car together as well as dining together. For those three years, I must have asked my wife fify times if there was ever anything between them and she said 'no'.Now I have no reason to belive that she is being truthful to me when she says that nothing ever happened after we were married. We have four wonderful kids and an otherwise solid marriage. I can not get over this and it is tearing me apart.Unbelievable...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): What I would like to see more of...people who have the balls to post without hiding behind "anonymous".
It sounds like you have unresolved issues and if you honestly believe you can no longer trust your wife then what are you doing? What are you options?
What would you like to happen? You want truth or do you want to hear that you were right?
It is time to get this to a marriage counsellor PRONTO.
Words and actions. They need to be intune. I would have to say on the surface of your dilema that they are not and that is what you are struggling with add to that knowledge that would support your conclusion to be distrustful.
Unfortunately past history and her actions of being with someone, time and again has indeed compromised her integrity.
Do let us know how the counselling fares.
In the end, you need to lay down some ground rules and you will need to decide if she can be trusted...usually takes a great amount of time to build back up...and then you need to forgive her.
Take Care and Happy New Years.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): Since Rhythmandblues and the anonymous female poster have given you good advice, I would like to speak to Akhere's post:
You, my friend are judging this man's wife as "wicked" and "not truthful at all." Now, first of all, how can YOU possibly make such a judgment over something that happened so many years ago? Are you inside her head to know what she's doing?
You'll say that's ridiculous, and of course, it IS ridiculous!
YOU have obviously known, or heard about several women who are married and cheat all the time, until their husbands find out. But they are women known TO YOU. Just because they behave in this manner, it does not follow that OTHER women do! You must know women who are faithful, and happily married, surely!
If you have yourself experienced being cheated on, then that is an issue for you to deal with and not something to assume other women do!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): I can understand your shock and hurt over receiving this bombshell in a Christmas card from a woman you barely know telling you your wife had an affair with her husband.
I am not condoning this affair, but the fact that she said it happened prior to your marriage is a positive note in all of this, if you have been together for 17 years, your wife was quite young when she made the mistake of falling for a man with power (her boss) and thinking that he was married was beside the point....if she continued to work for him for three years after the affair and she married you, that does not mean that the affair continured...it means that she made a committment to you, and this probably happened long after their affair ended and she liked her job and probably was able to remain friends with her boss and former lover....if you have never suspected her of cheating during your marriage, and she remained faithful to you as she said, then what proof do you have that she lied about that oher than something that happened prior to your marriage....Affairs are usually a symptom of a bad relationship or a troubled one, and if your wife was happily married, I don't see why she would have wanted to continue her affair with this man.
I would hate to see you make a mountain out of a molehill and ruin your relationship of 17 years with the mother of your children over something a spiteful woman sent in a Christmas card....that would be the most suspicious thing of all, why would she do that after all of this time and during the holidays if it was not out of spite for her own husband!
I suggest you have a heart to heart with your wife, tell her how that card made you feel, how it brought up all of your abandonment wounds, and tell her how much you cherish her and her love and hope that she knows that you believe her when she tells you nothing happened....for her to tell you about her affair that happened prior to you being married would have only hurt you to assauge her own guilt...I don't think total honesty about past sexual relationships is all that wonderful when you have learned from your mistakes and moved on in your life....just let sleeping dogs lie as they say and work out your fears on your own.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): I will say your wife is wicked, and she is not truthful to you at all, cox i have find several women who date out with men that way, but i will say you is cheating on you everyday, even till know she may still be going out with that man or other men aside the family, so you life is at risk....
try find out well
best luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): i think it's best if you can talk to ur wife about it. Rather than just accepting the story from someone...
Heard wat she has to say before deciding anything...
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