| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi my name is Lizzie and I'm 21 and I'd like to know how can you tell if your any good in bed and if you're a good kisser.My friend recently got told she was a quote "lousy f***" and i thought this was horrible and it started me thinking have others thought that i was a no good kisser or lover in bed?How do you know I don't really want to say to the guy i'm kissing or in bed with... "am i any good?"so is there a way to tell? I don't want to kiss any of my friends either and ask them (i don't feel comfortable with that so please don't suggest it like others have)Thanks in advance,Lizzie
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): Watch out for the signs, if he trys directing your hand else where, dont take it personally, follow it!!
and like the first guy said, look for signs which let you know your doing well. During sex or foreplay whisper do you like it when i do (do action) this? and watch his reaction...or something along those lines. Its scary at first, but without it, you wont know!!
Good luck!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006):
First, I dont think a person can be universally "a good lay". You might be a match for some people, but you certainlly wont be match for everyone. A lot of their excitment will come from your receptivity to what they are doing. This is more just a matter of learning "the right way" of moving one part of your body up against a part of their body.
People who are good in bed generally are able to adapt to what their perceive their mate is feeling. Do you have a good sense of getting feedback from your bf's body? Can you name for yourself 3 or 4 non-verbal ways he reacts and what it tells you? This is the part you need to be "listening" for and working on- not all that "Venus Butterfly" nonsense. The feedback is there, you need to work on picking up on it
That said, I hear that a common complaint of women is that their least favorite guy move is the tongue in their ear. Well here is the flip side- guys love it! Make sure you get his ear involved when you are kissing, even if it just with your finger tip.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (29 December 2006):
 You can hire a sex education dvd to learn some moves.
I am not talking about porn, but dvd's the real life couples that have agreed to educate others in giving pleasure to each other.
A passionate lover will prefer that you move as much as he does, take some control.
As to kissing, everyone is different.
Starting with gentle kissing and moving on to passionate hot long kisses is my favorite.
Some men like tonges,others dont, who is to say that one is better than the other. It is about preference and what people want to do at the time.
Having fresh breath and going with the flow usually works for me.
Kissing should not syncronized otherwise it might aswell be line dancing (nothing wrong with that but it does not turn me on).
The guy that told your friend she was a "lousy f***" he is probably a "lousy f***" himself as he does not realise that it takes two to tango and he did not have the ability to show her how to improve her technique (assuming she was the problem).
Unless someone tells you what is done wrong, how can one make it better.
I agree with Lena, the best best is to get feedback. Just remember that one person's opinion does not always represent reality and as long as you are open to improve your moves, it makes you the better person.
You stop learning when you think you know enough. At 34, I have been sexually active for 16 years and I am still learning! That is part of the fun surely.
Good luck and enjoy.
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A
female
reader, lena +, writes (29 December 2006):
 just say to the guy, am i good in bed? once you get it off your chest you will be fine, its not a hard question to ask. i asked my bf the same question actually and he told me what he thought.
your guy will probably not come out with your bad at f***ing but he may suggest some different positions or moves in the bedroom
good luck xxxx
oh and if he laughs tell him to be serious because you want to know to see if you can be any better for him
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