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I found out my wife is smoking weed behind my back before she goes to work. I don't know how to handle this.

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 August 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 June 2009)
A male United States age , anonymous writes:

My wife has been hiding the fact that she has been

smoking weed daily.This is before she goes to work.

Behind my back.Now we do smoke daily when the day is over and on weekends.But she has been buying behind my back and using before she goes to work.It's a fiancial issue and it's just wrong.She has no idea that I am aware and have yet to confront her.

I have no idea how to handle this.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

Drugs and honesty don't usually go hand in hand. Every couple I know that uses hides stuff from each other. My best friend buys vicoden and he'll buy 10 pills and tell his wife that he only bought 2 and then they get in fights about where the money goes. This has been going on for years and it never gets resolved. Really, good luck, don't think it will change.

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A male reader, i know United States +, writes (15 June 2009):

you cant stop your wife from smoking weed my wife works for a contractor she not only smokes before work but as soon as sue gets home and several at night when she doesnt smoke it you dont want to be around her if you love her i say just let her smoke it because i personaly would rather her smoke it at home than else where because sometimes she gets really stoned

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (14 August 2008):

Yos agony auntI think muffingirl has given a good answer.

As someone who lives in a country where weed is 'legal', I would say that whilst it is illegal in the USA, I have seen that smoking a small amount has very minimal side-effects and can have balancing positive effects (relaxation primarily). Of course, like most things, moderation is key and smoking too much is certainly bad news.

I would suggest picking apart your different emotions here since several things are going on: your feelings about her spending money on this, her keeping it a secret from you, and your feelings about weed. They may be quite different.

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A female reader, MuffinGirl Netherlands +, writes (13 August 2008):

MuffinGirl agony auntMaybe she just need time for herself, to relax, to make her thoughts in order, to feel better. It's not big deal, she is not junkie or something like that. You should have good conversation about that with her, but I don't really beleive she will stop smoking in just one day or so. Just accept her reasons, make good compromises. I think it's better that she's smoking than she would drink too much alcohol. Just don't worry too much, don't make her paranoid when you will talk to her, make her to feel better, try to be understanding with her, tell her you can't agree with spending so much money on weed. Ask her about troubles she has. I think that good conversation and a few time can fix your problem.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom +, writes (13 August 2008):

kenny agony auntI think that you need to confront her about this matter and find out why she feel's the need to smoke weed behind your back. Find a good time to broach the subject, a time when you are both calm and be relaxed in your approach. Im sure she will have a good reason for doing so, but you will have to talk to he to find out why.

Good luck

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