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female
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*ovetolive
writes: I found out I was pregnant the day I broke up with him!I love this guy and he assures me that he is serious with me. We had many problems and I thought he did not treat me right. He kept in touch with his ex but always lied to me that he has nothing to do with her. One day I caught up and called his ex(who lives abroad). She said that they had been chatting and texting. I got pissed with my boyfriend and broke up with him. He tried to stop me from going and said that it is not what it looks like. I walked home as I refused ride from him. After 2 hours of walking I had bad cramps so I saw a doctor and was told I was pregnant. When I came to his place just to inform him this, I saw him completely drunk and he was asking me to be with him. Still I did not go back. We met the next day as he wanted to come to doctor with me. He explained to me that since he is from strict muslim family and if his parents come to know that he has a girlfriend abroad and she belongs to another race, his parents will stop funding him. His friends explained the same. He is not forcing me for abortion but both of us are not in the situation to keep the baby. He wants to be with me. I love him but find it tough to believe him anymore. I am depressed and can't concentrate om my studies. I think he is going to be nice for sometime but repeat being ignorant again. He talked to the ex in front of me, and reminded her that they broke up last year: before we started going out and he also said that their chatting was normal hi and hello and I got convinced after hearing their conversation. As he said, the ex did threaten him to ruin his life, probably by telling his parents. He does not want to drop his studies due to funds so he is worried. I am tensed about the whole thing. He promised things will change and that he is guilty. What should I do? I cannot think straight. He said his relationship is very strong with me. Since everyone knows that he was never in a sexual relationship before me and his childhood friends are telling me to forgive his mistake and be with him, since he loves me and he did things with me that he never did before.
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abortion, broke up, depressed, drunk, has a girlfriend, his ex, muslim, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): Aww, that is great news I am really pleased for you!
All the best in the next coming months, stay strong with your boyfriend and I'm sure it'll all go really well! Take care:)
A
female
reader, Lovetolive +, writes (19 June 2006):
Lovetolive is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your support Dr. Pete. I managed to complete all my exams and this is a sigh of relief. Ya, I think I should give my bf a second chance. We will be going for a scan. He said once he sees the scan and know the baby's position he will talk to his parents and does not feel scared anymore. He said that if we are keeping the baby, then we will do it well. He is supportive and I want to co-operate as well. We had some tough times and I was emotionally upset. Now I want to overcome all those and enjoy my pregnancy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2006): Hi Lovetolive
I'm glad to hear of your update.
Your boyfriend seems to have come around a lot since your original message. Why is it you do not want any thing to do with him?
He seems to want to support you now, but what does he say about his family?
Sometimes men react very badly to hearing about pregnancy, it's not fair on women but unfortunately it is just the way some men are. If this guy seems geuningly upset about how he has acted, and shows that he wants to support you, and the baby then perhaps you should give him a second chance and hear him out? Good luck with everything.
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female
reader, Lovetolive +, writes (13 June 2006):
Lovetolive is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had been really depressed since last Friday, when I first encountered the situation, but my bf does not leave me alone. I told him ample times that I don't want to be with him but he did not leave me alone. He said that he wants to be with me and promised that he will make up to me. I asked him about his opinion on my pregnancy. He said he does not want me to go through abortion and will be there for me no matter what I decide. He is more supportive than before and yesterday I saw him crying, which he smartly denied. He said that he made me go through alot and I had to take all troubles when I did not deserve it. He seems very guilty. He came to the doctor with me today and he promised to be there for me.
Thank you Smiler, Dr. Pete and Annabelle. I appreciate your remarks and will try to be stronger.
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female
reader, Smiler +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Hey there
i'm sorry that you are so sad at the moment honey :o( especially when this is ment to be one of the happiest times in your life, personally i think both you and you b/f should go to your local family planning centre where they can discuss all your options with you in full and give you guidence and you will be there to support each other through out but what your b/f has to realise is that this is a two way thing not just your resposibility he should be standing by you right now and giving you all the support you require rather than trying to back out now its too late for that....
I hope my advice was able to help you out with your situation sweetie and good luck with this... if you ever need a friend or a chat or just more advice don't hesitate to email me sweetie, I would love to hear from you again and know how you got on... Remember i'm always here for you anytime ok
You Take Care Sweetie X
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): Hi Lovetolive
Sorry to hear about your situation :(
First, this guy has obviously made quite a few mistakes with you! It is clear he will not support you if you have this baby.
I'm going to be honest with you - if a man loves, or even just respects a women, he will be there to support her right now - in the time she needs it most in her life. He isn't doing this, instead, he is making you feel guilty for being pregnant.
This guy is a coward. He can't face up to his responsibilities, he has put his families money BEFORE you and your growing baby. Is that love? I don't think so. You should be number one in his life, especially now that you are going to have his baby.
For the abortion issue: I think you need to remove this guy out of the picture entirely, and make a choice based on what is best for YOU. This guy could quite easily walk out of your life once you have an abortion. How would you feel then. Take him out of the picture, choose what would be best for you, ok?
PS: As for contacting his ex - I wouldn't worry too much about this. Plenty of people remain in contact with past relationships if they ended ok. He was wrong to lie to you, but if he seems genuine then I would accept his apology and tell him that you are ok with that and he doesn't need to keep things like that from you.
Good luck with everything, ok?
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female
reader, Annabelle +, writes (12 June 2006):
Only you can make this decision.Dont you think he should have thought about his religion before getting you pregnant?Abortion is not always the answer,have the child adopted or something less cruel.If you're going to forgive him you need to be the only woman in his life so the ex has to go she.s had her chance.
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