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female
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anonymous
writes: What would you do in this situation? Started seeing someone I used to date a long time ago. At first it's cool, then the calls are a little more infrequent, hanging out once a week, maybe twice. So, anyhow, we hang out on a Monday, and then Tuesday I go out with friends and see him out with a group of girls. Ugly ones, at that. And I go say hello, and he is surprised, but trying to be nice, and INTRODUCES me to them. I am pissed at this point. Why introduce?! So, I walked away. And we didn't speak at all yesterday. Do I ever say anything again to him? Kind of want to tell him off. What should I say or do? (besides move on.... I just need a little closure I think)
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (17 July 2005):
 Wait, a group of ugly girls? Say it ain't so. Particularly since you are NOT exclusive. You should not (and neither should he) assume that as soon as you have a second date, or even a fifth or sixth, that the other cannot then talk to one, two, or even 50 other girls. No promises seem to be broken.
If there is a sure fire way to seem desperate, it is to do what you did. It seems that you have a complex with regards to rejection. He didn't even really reject you. Until promises have been made to date only each other, you have no right to be upset and treat him poorly in front of his friends.
Did you even find out who they were? What if they were old neighbors he had run into after many years, or friends of the family? You really believe he was seeing all of them?
Next time you have this opportunity, and you are introduced (as polite people would do,) smile and shake their hand. Act as if each and every one of them is a potential friend. The guy would see you are not petty or crazed, and you would look better. Even if you are hurt, you want to focus on being so cool about it, that you seem to him to have plenty of backups too. The added benefit is that he will think there is competition and might re-evaluate you in a better light.
I have had many men become baffled at my lack of jealousy. I smile and tell them that I don't play that game and if they do, do it on some other girls time. They know where to find me when they stop acting immature. Never allow yourself to be compared to another girl. Each of us have value and if you ever noticed, sometimes pretty people are attracted to ugly people all the time. I have wondered about couples all the time. Usually people can’t say exactly what it is about the one they love that does it. That is what chemistry is all about. The way you act is familiar to another and comfortable. Read up on the psychology of attraction. Looks are only about 10% of the package. Never think that if a guy is not attracted that you must be flawed either. Again, it is a mystery. Relax a bit and enjoy the process. What is inside does count more than you think.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (16 July 2005):
Maybe there wasnt anything going on and thats why he introduced you. Id leave it at that and see how things go from now.
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