A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused06
writes:Hello all,I hope someone can give me some advice about how I should react to following situation:My fiance and I have been together for two years now. We broke up in March this year as I wanted to take our relationship one step further, get married and have children. He was reluctant to that at that time, as he already had two kids and thought that he didn't want to go through changing diapers again. We broke up and I tried to go on with my life and we did not hear from each other for a while.Three month later I received a letter from him saying that he has thought it over, that he doesn't want to lose me, that I'm the one for him etc. At the beginning I really wasn't inclined to go through everything all over again, but he kept sending me emails, text messages and then one day, even a home produced DVD where he proposed to me. That's where I started to think about getting back together. When we met again, both of us where very happy and it felt so good. We had started to make plans about our future, babies and so on. We get along great, I know that he loves me, he's always been very sweet to me and what is also important to me, he's also a very close friend for me.Here's the problem:I couldn't help digging in his emails. I don't know why I did that, but I did. That's where I found emails which he sent off to a woman during the time when he was already trying to get me back. He had sent these emails at the time where I had already received his DVD with the proposal. I felt devastated when I saw that. It simply cheapened all the happiness we had gained back since we got back together. I also have seen that the emails stopped after we got back together but I'm still very hurt.I've confronted him with that and he claims that this was nothing I should be worried about, that he had stopped writing to her ever since we are back together. He asked me why I thought he wanted to marry me if there was something else going on. He asked me not to let something like this get between us, something which he claims was of no importance to him. He also said that he wrote these emails during a time where we were not yet back together and where he didn't know if I would take him back.I really need some advice. I feel betrayed although we were not together at the time when he wrote to her but it feels so wrong to me that he had the energy to write to other women while working on getting me back. He says that he's willing to do everything he can to work this out but I don't have a clue how? He swore on the lives of his kids that he never had a relationship with her and that the emails where of a friendly nature, but they damn did not sound like that to me.I am so worried now. I don't want to give up what we have, I know that he loves me but I can't get over these emails I have found. They just poison my mind and my happiness.Can anybody please give me some advice? What do you think about my situation? Am I overreacting or or not?Thanks a lot...
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): I'd have to agree with Tellulah, I think the same and whilst it would have been nice if he only had eyes for only you, I'm guessing that he probably felt that you weren't fully committing to him. If he was uncertain that you were interested, it is understandable that he might be more casually pursuing a potential relationship elsewhere.
Your feelings are totally understandable though, but you know this guy best and I think you know if he is otherwise the committed and faithful type. If so, I'm sure like he says the other women is gone from his mind and that you are the only thing that is important to him. It does sound that way to me.
A
female
reader, willa  +, writes (10 October 2007):
I don't think your over reacting at all since he was sending these emails at the same time as trying to win you back it sounds like he was keeping his options open, i understand why your upset over this but hang onto the fact that once you took him back he ended whatever it was he had going on and it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship going but he needs to understand how hurt you are and work on gaining some of your trust back , you have a right to feel betrayed as he should of had the decency to win you back without keeping his toe dipped in the singles pool.
*HUGS*
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (10 October 2007):
 Hi,
Maybe a little over reaction. Although its perfectly understandable that you feel this way towards him. But this man loves you, cant you see that?. If she had meant anything at all to him, why would he have wanted you so badly?.
I think what he has told you is true, and he was keeping her on the back burner in case you didnt take him back. I know this is wrong, but honey he is a man, and they sure dont think like us girls do.
You could have a future to-gether, so why blow it. Its the worse thing to do, to read someones emails or text messages. I know I have done it myself, and it eats away at you. And the trouble is, we can read into the messages, more perhaps than is intended.
Think about it! he didnt need to beg you to give him another chance, but he did.
He loves you.
XX
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