A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So me and my boyfriend been together for 3 year we have a real rocky past but for the last 4 months I feel like we have really connected. Until I found condoms in is jackets. They're not ours so I confronted him about it and he gave me stupid excuses. Part of me wants him to stay. I know he should be gone. What he is doing isn't right, why is it so hard for me just to let him go?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are so right everything u have said is exactly how I feel I used to be that person with cofidence. I'm not quit sure how I let I'm cut me down I'm gonna get me strength back and just be happy with me. That's all keep telling myself is this should be that happiet time of my life I just got a great promotion at work and finnally got my own place no more roomates. Yay! Anyways thankyou for ur advice I need not to waist anymore time. And simple be happy
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): 1st rule of any relationship is.......TRUST.
Without trust what do you have??? answer is nonsense.
You are scared to be single! Why? Hes not the only guy out there you know. Theres several billion of us in this world, so plenty for you to choose from.
Just let him go, cry until you are over it and then get out there and meet someone right for you.
The longer you put it off the harder it will be
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): Getting your bf's behaviours into logical perspective is very hard and painful for you. It is for a lot people in your situation. And you are trying to understand why you are staying there and tolerating this. What's happening is, your denial and confusion is causing some huge insecurities and self-doubts to surface here, inside you. And it's weakened your resolve. We cannot tell you anything to make you stronger person. But we can say, the only way you can control the inner demons here, is by dealing with the source of your pain...your boyfriend. That is crucial. A lot of females would dump the guy and endure the loss so they can heal their spirit and recover. They view themselves as an important valued person and put their needs above an erant bf's. In other words they do not fear being alone. They embrace their strength and independance, they know it's a very healthy way to go.On the other side of the fence, there are a lot of females that do exactly what you are doing. I find it sad because they think about settling with a guy, to feel loved and needed. But they live with the anxiety, hurt and self-doubts, on a daily basis. This is incredibly unhealthy for a woman in this situation. These ongoing doubts knock her down even further. You may need some counselling to to acquire the support and strength to get yourself out of this hurtful situation and once again, regain your pride and dignity. Only you can help yourself..please consider this. I wish you the best of luck. Take care.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (8 February 2010):
 Please again read my answer, and you will have the answer of your why? However, I make some elaboration.
emotion, which is power of feeling, derived from some values. Values are those, which work to preserve life force. When your logic do not match with emotion, than again check the accounts of values, in your case, his stable values is required to check again.
Then start discussion with him, and find out actual cause, which make him to take wrong decision. When you arrive at actual cause, and see its strength, then that will help you to arrive at right decision.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 February 2010):
 What are you afraid of?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah he probably is so why do I let him stay I feel like a meatball for allowin him to treat me like this I know I am a great person and deserve the best but I just can't let him go and I don't no why
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta +, writes (8 February 2010):
I choose to answer your 'WHY?' which is very difficult to answer. you ask,"Part of me wants him to stay. I know he should be gone. What he is doing isn't right, why is it so hard for me just to let him go?"
This is most puzzling question, when one know that all light of relationship is gone, and still one want it? It is emotion, it is not in one's control. Emotions are build up according to values one gain, and became part of life. But, when values seems to be in loss, even then emotion do not response quite logically, and confused our thinking.
It takes time to realize that the person you trusted is changed, and now the person is not working in favor of your life values. Emotions are very fast than realization.
I suggest you to speed up your ability for realization, and try to change your emotion, according to fact of reality you have observed. This one is the only option available to those, who feel cheated in love relations. I have all sympathy for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): The trust has been shattered here and trust is a basis for true love. You no longer have that. You feel like you both have connected after a rocky past. Plainly he doesn't feel the same way, if you know exactly why he has those condoms. So now you know he's not treating you well. Do you feel that you aren't worthy of being loved and treated nicely, all of the time?
Listen you have invested 3 years in this guy. That's a lot of history but now there are clues, he's not loving and committing solely to you. He treated you badly here 'but' you feel it's hard to let hom go. In that one word 'but', you say a lot about yourself and what you are willing to tolerate, to feel loved by someone, whom you cannot trust any longer. Play close attentions to this word 'but'. It's giving you a signal something is wrong. The problem is not really the this bf..it's your lack of self-value for tolerating his crap. Stop ignoring the 'but's' and start empowering your life and yourself as a confident young woman, and make a decision that is best for you and your happiness.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 February 2010):
 Hun, if they are not yours and he is giving you stupid answers... well sorry to say he is either cheating on you or thinking of cheating on you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 February 2010):
If they not yours, and he's given a load of stupid excuses, he's either cheating or thinking about cheating. That's a good enough reason to let him go.
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