A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello - I am a married male 41 yrs of age - married 15 yrs now - and recently caught this reply email from my wife's male friend in her hot mail account. I found it by accident one day cleaning out old files on our laptop. Didn't even know she had an email account of her own. "Not mocking you,, not challenging you.. I know,, without any reservation,, fact,,, you control the bedroom... I'm the bitch,, you own me,,, and I love it.. "I am not sure what to make of it. I asked her and she said it's just a joke that nothing has ever happened. Does this email mean more than that? Should I believe her or start looking around for more. I hate to think she cheated on me as we have 2 children together. This has never happened to me or us. Is she in the midst of cheating has she already slept with him? The email seems pretty clear but i am so torn to think the worst. Thanks for your help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): my friend actions speaks louder than words. there is one very simple solution. which if innocent your wife will not mind.
1st test- Ask your wife if she minds you reading her other mail- if there deleted or she protests then this points to the regretable answer!
2nd. ask your wife if she would mind if you mailed this third party impersonating her. Again if things are totally innocent then she has nothing to hide.
3rd- go through with mailing the third party, but be very coy.dont ask for suggestions from your wife what you should write as she might alert the third party. i suggest you mail a short suggestion of meeting AGAIN. and wait for a reply! remember innocent people who are wrongly aquesed will generouly try to prove their innocents themselves.so be more aware of her actions and reactions. as it sounds as if you dont trust what she says. i wish you the best of luck and tully hope all turns out well for you......
A
male
reader, gmoney +, writes (10 August 2008):
Not mocking you,, not challenging you..
I know,, without any reservation,, fact,,, you control the bedroom...
I'm the bitch,, you own me,,, and I love it.
Most likely she is cheating(97.999%), it hurts my heart to read it. Ben through this recently. Its hard to take in but there is nothing funny about this email. I dont see lol anywhere in this reply. Sounds like they know each other in the bedroom. Since youre married I would suggest some kind of spy wear to beable to read her emails and phone. Also check her phone records.
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A
female
reader, the ice queen  +, writes (9 August 2008):
Hi,
There is a saying which goes 'there is no smoke without fire', and I think you ought to take this email you have found as a sign that if there isn't something actually going on, then there is potentially something about to happen. Even if your wife has said it's just a b it of fun and harmless....do you actually want her to be having this kind of email with anyone else?
I have something very simple in my life I go by, and I've found that it works.....follow your 'gut instinct', for it's usually right. In other words if you feel it in your stomach, and heart that something is wrong, that usually is the case. This I've learnt through my own experiences. You can, of course, as I have done, talk yourself right out of the situation because the reality of believing this is painful...but please try it. What do you actually feel inside? So many times my 'gut instinct' has proved to be right. I wish you well and hope you resolve this one.
Ice Queen xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): I am sorry, this is probably not what you want to hear; however, I am only giving you my opinion from the information supplied by you. I do suggest you have to take stock; you have to be on guard; you have to decide what you want! Personally I cannot see how you can verify or jusify her having a secret "hotmail" account? Would she be happy if you had one? Can you really accept it as a "joke"? I surely would not consider something like that as a "joke"!
I think you have reason to have "doubts"; you need to have a good heart to heart talk; you need to tell her how you feel; it will not help either of you or the relationship if you bottle your feelings, worries or concerns;
She needs to give you a better explanation then it being a "joke"; ask her if she will be okay if you have done it?
I am so sorry to say this; BUT I do think you have to open your eyes; she was caught and is now trying to "water it down" as a joke!
Take it easy, but do not doubt your instincts!
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): It is not completely unusual for male and female friends to flirt like that with nothing happening between them. However, from my personal experience, the partner knows about it and may even be friends with the other person. It is difficult to say if this is harmless flirting and joking between friends or related to an affair. That e-mail is not enough to know for sure. If it is just flirting and joking then she made a big mistake by not telling you about it in the beginning. My wife used to be a flirt like that. I was to a lesser extent and still are a little. However, we never hid it.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Sometimes you don't know how to interpret a fact you have before your eyes. Unfortunately for you, this is one situation in which you could believe you have enough to reach a conclusion, and another person might think otherwise. "Doubt is your worst enemy", goes a Mexican song, and that is only so true. The bad thing about being cheated on is that sometimes you can't ignore something is the matter but you can't prove it.
I have a bad feeling about her having a Hotmail account she didn't speak to you about. You could think she doesn't have to tell you just everything, or that she just forgot to mention it because it's no big deal; and then you could think she opened that account and kept it secret because she wanted to hide things from you. I tend to think that she kept it secret because she wanted to.
She didn't explain the alleged joke. Maybe it was a joke, maybe it wasn't. If it had been sent to an e-mail account you knew about, then you could be more sure of its being a joke; however, here you have to add two and two. A suspicious e-mail sent to an account you didn't know to exist.
The "joke" suggests a serious thing. It suggests they have been having an adventure, one that is based on sex, for some time now.
I think you should keep your eyes open and see if you find anything else. What you have does seem suspicious, but not enough.
I also would expect her to give signs of cheating other than this one. How is the relationship, in general? Is it going just like it was all the time, or have things changed a lot?
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A
female
reader, JstMe +, writes (8 August 2008):
Although not 100% certain, it seems pretty clear she is cheating--either emotionally or physically. When I confronted my husband with a piture of him and another woman in bed, obviously naked under the sheets, he said "It's not what it looks like..." Well, it was. Their first reaction is to deny deny deny. I went on an obsessive fact-finding odyssey through his computer and e-mail and only found more proof. He did admit it, and now we are in counseling trying to work things out. The first thing I did was run to the bookstore and grab a couple books on the subject, which seriously helped me cope during those first days and weeks.I hope I am wrong for your sake, but if not, you have my heartfelt sympathy. Know you are not alone.
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A
female
reader, JstMe +, writes (8 August 2008):
Although not 100% certain, it seems pretty clear she is cheating--either emotionally or physically. When I confronted my husband with a piture of him and another woman in bed, obviously naked under the sheets, he said "It's not what it looks like..." Well, it was. Their first reaction is to deny deny deny. I went on an obsessive fact-finding odyssey through his computer and e-mail and only found more proof. He did admit it, and now we are in counseling trying to work things out. The first thing I did was run to the bookstore and grab a couple books on the subject, which seriously helped me cope during those first days and weeks.I hope I am wrong for your sake, but if not, you have my heartfelt sympathy. Know you are not alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): I hate to say it but it seems like she is cheating on you. If she wasn't then you would've known about the e-mail account and you would know that they joke around like that! Sorry to say this but you may want to question her some more. I would advise against looking through her e-mail account. That could just make things worse!
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