A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend were in his car, and his phone vibrated. i looked down at his phone and saw a girl's name flash up, i didnt recognise the name. i asked my boyfriend whos that. and he said i dnt kno, i dnt kno this girl. i read the txt and it said stuff like 'are you missing me, you wanna meet on wednesday? what are you doing tonight' i started shouting at him saying 'what the hell is this txt, have you been seeing someone else?' he claimed he didnt know who the girl was. but i was like well how do you have her as a contact in you fone if you dont kno her? it seemed like all lies. i told him to ring her then to prove he didnt kno her. but instead he just deleted the txt and deleted the number. he dropped me off at my house and then drove off.what should i do? do i believe him? it just seems suspicious.thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (3 July 2012):
Hi there. The fact that it came up as a girl's name - or anyone's name for that matter - means as you said, that she is on his contacts list.
If he said he doesn't know who she is - he could be telling the truth.
Even as strange as that may seem, sometimes fact is stranger than fiction!
It doesn't mean that HE entered the girl's details on his mobile phone.
Perhaps when he was out somewhere with his mates one night - and this girl was there, talking to one of his mates and then she saw your man - and SHE could've then got his phone when no-one was looking, when he went to the toilet, and perhaps he had left it unattended on the table he was sitting at.
And if she wanted to get to know him and had some ideas about him, it's entirely possible that SHE entered her details into his contacts list.
He would never know what had happened.
The reason I am saying this, is that when he said to you he didn't know who that girl was, he didn't start acting guilty or awkwardly, did he?
Because if he had've acted that way, you would have said so here, I'm sure.
So in the absence of you mentioning it here, it seems that he didn't act strangely at all. Plus, he didn't automatically go on the defensive and start an argument with you either.
Nor, did he start making up some corny story and trying desperately to talk his way out of it.
They would have been behaviours which would be typical for someone who was guilty of seeing someone behind your back.
The truth however, is that at this point in time, you really don't know for sure that he is doing that, do you?
Which then brings me to thinking, that perhaps he didn't know the girl's contact details were even on his mobile in the first place.
It could honestly, be completely unknown to him - until that message came in, when it did.
And if he DID have something to hide from you, well then he wouldn't be leaving his mobile phone around in your view, where it would be very likely that you would see something he didn't want you to see.
He would be keeping his mobile hidden away somewhere, and that didn't happen either.
So for that reason, it appears that he ISN'T hiding anything.
His mobile was openly in view to you when the text message came in from that girl, so the chances are it was just as much of a surprise to him as it was to you.
It definitely sounds like it.
He certainly isn't acting guilty in any way whatsoever.
You have also said that when you tackled him about it, he simply deleted both the message and the contact details, right there and then, so that seems like the end of it.
What needs to happen now, is that you call him and just talk to him.
It's very likely that he IS telling you the whole truth, and hiding NOTHING.
However, unless you have a chat to him about your suspicions, you are just going to go on having all sorts of negative thoughts.
And it will make you very unhappy indeed.
So have this chat with him, sooner rather than later.
Another thing to consider is, if before this text message came in from that girl you don't know, was everything going really well for you both?
And were you very happy before that night? Or up until that point?
What I am really asking here is, had he been acting strangely before that night?
Or was he just the way he always is towards you - no change in him whatsoever?
If there was anything different in the way he treats you, well then there could be something to be concerned about, however if nothing is any different than it's always been, well then you probably don't have anything to worry about.
Just see from now on, in how he is when he is with you and when he calls you through the week, to see if there is anything different about him.
For the moment though, you probably need to give him the benefit of the doubt, and trust him unless or until he does anything to prove he can't be trusted.
It's not going to be easy, although it will be better for your relationship if you do trust him, and it will be more peaceful when you are together - if you have no doubts.
And if you did have doubts about his trustworthiness, it would cause a lot of tension between yuou, and it might push him away if he feels he is going to get the third degree every time he sees you.
So that's another thing for you to think about as well.
A
female
reader, Melaniee  +, writes (3 July 2012):
 Since he said he don't know her you should have answered her text back saying ''lets meet up wednesday just not tonight I'm hanging out with my girl friend"
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 July 2012):
 This is almost as red-handed as actually catching him with someone else. There is no possible explanation other than he's cheating on you, sorry.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (3 July 2012):
 Drove off to meet her? Men are such terrible liars when they get caught red handed. He sounds like a player.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (3 July 2012):
Uh. He's caught. Red handed. Sorry.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2012): "it seemed like all lies."Probably because it is all lies."i told him to ring her then to prove he didnt kno her. but instead he just deleted the txt and deleted the number. he dropped me off at my house and then drove off."And as soon as his car was out of sight, he probably stopped, pulled up her saved number, called/texted her back and went rushing off to meet her."what should i do?"Come to the reaonable conclusion that's he's cheating on you while telling bald-faced lies to cover his lying cheating ass, respond accordingly by relying on your good judgement while not believing his sorry lame excuses, and DUMP HIM!!!!"do i believe him?"You shouldn't, to be polite you're a fool if you do; as stated above believe what you SEE, not what he SAYS. I just don't understand why when chicks are confronted with tangible evidence a guy is cheating on them they ALWAYS ask for an explanation, and then when the guy comes up with an on-the-fly a cock-and-bull story in response, chicks ALWAYS wonder if they should believe him instead of immediately dismissing his cover story as the laughable self-serving BS it is. "it just seems suspicious."Because it is. I'm sorry you had to find out bf is such a scumbag, but honestly don't you have the pride and self-respect and dignity to stand up for yourself by refusing to let this jerk play you for a fool one second longer? Use your brains, grow a backbone, and toss him out on his ear. NOW!
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