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age
41-50,
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writes: I caught my husband cheating me with my sister. We manage fix marriage but I'm still worried that he'll do it again. We two have kids (ages 1-4) and don't ruin their childhoods by getting a divorce. What I should do? I'm not talking to my sis.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): To Preciouscrash, I have another take on your situation:
You cheated on your hb with your sisters FWB (sex partner). He left your sister for you, you left your hb for him.
So in essence you actually stole your sisters man and not the other way around. Instead of blaming your sister , try to be realistic and open your eyes.
I agree one messed up situation but both you and your sister have been pawns in this mans hand. Why can you not see it. Realise the once a cheater story.....very apt in your case.
You did not win, so please do not see it as a victory. I think your sister will actually thank u in years to come. You let a man come bet you and your sister and that is not good at all. Remember you were married and you cheated.
Just some food for thought. Betrayal is devastating, esp when people u trust destroy your inner peace.
LoveGirl
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female
reader, preciouscrash  +, writes (19 December 2010):
I too went through this awful situation. I have been with my fiance 3 years and about 3 years ago was when this happened. My sister actually introduced us when I was married. My sister had a different boyfriend and I honestly thought that my sister and my now fiance were just friends. Well I left my husband for the guy I am with now and engaged to. About a year and a half ago he manned up and told me what happened. I was devastated. We have had a lot of problems in our relationship, however we are in love with each other. I could not imagine my life without him and my sister chooses not to talk to me, because she was pissed off that he chose me over her. That is how she views it, but it was not the case. He looked at her as a friends with benefits deal. I do believe I have forgiven both of them, but all this time later I still have sick dreadful thoughts about what had happened. I hope the pain will one day go away. I keep this stored up inside because my fiance and I have done quite a bit of talking about this and I now would feel like I was beating a dead horse and making him feel even more guilty, which I have done a lot. He feels horrible about what has happened. He is great to me and my 5 year old son now (from my previous marriage). This is a problem I hope does not stay with me for the rest of my life. It hurts and I am having issues now during sex, wondering if he is thinking about her or past partners, when he is making love to me. I think it is just paranoia, but it is recent, and the only thing he notices is my once high libido has plummeted. I need some help it is my own thoughts that are killing me. My advice to the lady who went through the same thing. Your husband would no way in hell do it again if he loves you and respects you and you both have spoken about the incident calmly, respectfully and open. That is the last thing you need to worry about. I promise you that. If you are still having these feelings however it is time for a long talk with hubby because you don't trust him and trust only comes from honest open communication and not holding anything back. I hope you are able to read this and can respond. Keep your head up.
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female
reader, Becca123 +, writes (17 March 2009):
Rianna, Something similar happened to me 13 years ago. I got a divorce and have not talked to my sister either since then. You see, my sister introduced my ex to her best friend and they married. Now the two couples get together with my kids for partys and holidays. Very hurtful.
If it had not been for my sister interferring, I could almost bet that my ex and I could have made it.
You may have to forgive your sister...but that does not mean that you forget what she has done...and it also doesn't mean that you have to have anything to do with her. In fact, I urge you to keep her away. She is not to be trusted. Just because she's your sister, doesn't mean a thing.
You need to protect what is yours. Your relationship with your husband and children.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): i was cheated on by my husband with my own sister too. she was married, only 17, and i was lovingly and stupidly trusting her in my own home trying to help her out while her hubby was away in the gulf on assignment(he left her and is happily remarried-she ran around on him all the time-he never knew about her and my hubby). we have been together since we were 15 yrs. old and she was just a baby my hubby used to ride around on his 4-wheeler. talk about pathetic. this happened one night 6 years ago and then again the next day in our onw house that we shared with our 5 children. then he actually told her he felt bad and swore he'd never do something like that to me or his kids-his own dad cheated on his mom and left him as a kid and devastated him. i found out after all these years on accident and he lied to me for 3 days before confessing it all. i was and am still so sick and angry. he wants to stay together. we have been to holidays and bdays etc all these years with her coming into my house and me helping her with her kids in spite of having 5 of my own and nursing school to deal with. my hubby let me help her after knowing what they had done to me. said he couldn't tell me even when he wanted to-just couldn't hurt me like that-mind you he could do the actaul deed twice though-go figure. i am a mess. work is the only place i don't think about it(i am an r.n.) i cry everyday off i have and don't care about anything. i am shocked still,hurt, pissed, and still trying to believe it is real. noone can believe he did it to me-not the type. then his own mother who went thru this and was a mess when it happened to her tells me she knows he does care about me and some men are just like that. my dad left this world a year ago and if he had known, he would have been appalled and told my baby sis exactly what he thought of her-while his mom is making excuses for her baby-also pathetic. he wants to work things out and i have had many bubble baths, candles waiting after my 12 shifts, but this is really supposed to make up for putting his hands among other things all over my sister in my house where he touches me too. i am even madder at myself for being so weak and hurt and crying everday and efeeling like my whole world has been rocked and was a lie and has to change because of him and the choices he made, not me. my poor kids too.9-19 years, they know and don't understand either. older ones really mad. i can't believe he could hurt us like this just for sex-no sex was never a problem for us-great-but he still wouldn't tell her no for me or the kids. says it was biggest mistake of his life, but i have problem with him even trying to touch me-feeling disgusted-and then angry when i want to really just be with my husband because i can't just be with him after what he did with her. i don't care how many years ago it was. and i had asked him several times just a feeling i had if anything ahd ever gone on between them and he said i was being ridiculous.ha. i really don't see how i can get through this and make things work and feel very wrong about just letting him off the hook and being loving or giving into his needs-hello-what about my needs and the pain he has caused all of his family???
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female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (27 September 2008):
 All of the advice below is REALLY great, however; I have to bring up the point that you don't want to ruin your children's childhood, but children know more than you think. They can sense when you are hurt, worried, angry, sad, etc..., so this is not healthy for them. Also, if they happen to realize what is really going on, do you want them to think it is ok to stay after being betrayed in such a way by 2 of the closest people to you? I would of course shelter them to make sure they don't know, but they are like little sponges and absorb every little move you make, every action you take when something happens and take in every word you speak. Take care to know what is the right thing for the children first hand. If the betrayal has caused arguing, yelling, stress or anything of the such, the children do not need that in their lives. That would be ruining their childhood. You should forgive your sister, especially if you found it in your heart to forgive him.
I'm sorry you have suffered such betrayal, it has to be a terrible weight on your heart. You're a good woman to try to repair what has went wrong, but please, don't let it make you feel that you can't get out later. Some women stay because of the children, as I did for 2 years, NOW I know I should have NEVER stayed a day longer.
If you think you can work this out without it having an impact on your children, then by all means give it a try. If it happens again.... GET THE HELL OUT
Take a few days away to think about it all. I know that it's easier said than done, but honestly if you pack your things to go away for a few days to clear your mind, it will help you in knowing what to do and it will make him think about what he has done to you.
Take care of you and those children, you are the most important thing to and for them! They need you to be strong.
How long ago did this happen between your sister and husband?
Michelle
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): Forgive him, and realize despite his lust for your sister, it was only sexual exercise and he has no intentions of leaving this world without you for her or anyone.These things happens most often, but the way to deal with it is through communication by getting you both to open up and not bash one another for their deceptions. WE ARE ALL HUMAN and through caring Love, ANY DELIMA is fixable to a better RESOLUTION.If it happens again, it's only sex and nothing more, but communication openly with an understanding of love can kill that behavior very well!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): Living in a unhappy environment can still spoil your childrens lives.
He's no good, get rid.
Good luck.
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female
reader, KellieAnne +, writes (26 September 2008):
First I would like to say that if you can forgive him, you should be able to forgive your sister. The truth is, they both betrayed you and only forgiving him is unfair. You have reason to be worried, because forgiving him tells him that you will not leave him after betraying you in that way, and he can do it again and you will forgive him.I've been in your situation, and I didn't follow my own advice. As they say, its easier to see someone else's situation for what it is but in your own its hard to see.
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