A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys this might sound like a stupid question, but a week ago my ex boyfriend, we were potentially going to get back togther as we both still love one another but things have been very complicated over the last few months ( well i assume he loves me), stopped talking to suddenly like lterally dropped off the planet he stopped answering my calls and text everything. So i just assumed he did not want anything more to do with me as anyone would.Some background on my ex he is currently separated from his wife and because of legal isssues is not able to see his children. So as there is in any breau you have the grie from a breakup? end of a marriage and then the pain of not being able to see your children, and there is another issue as well which is causing alot of stress etc.Ok so on Saturday i sent a text to my ex boyfriend saying that i was going to leve him be, and that i hoped life treated him kindly etc.On tuesaay i recieved a repy: It said dear Me: I realise that you think i have dissed you!and you hate my guts, and yes still alive, but i am in a terribel place and have needed to be by myself, and you were right it is just me. I do look now and reaise that i should have just said i needed space insted of shutting you out. yes that is my bad and i will wear it. I understand you letting me go as all i seem to do is hurt you, im not proud that i have done it. I also guess that four days can change a persons feelings unortunately i dont have that ability. so i hope life gives you a good go as well, you are beautiful and have alot to offer the world. i would like to think that i was your frend but loking back that is hard to say.love himps rememeber you are a good no great person who offers everything and who doesnt expect anything in return! i sent back saying that he should have just told me, and that i said those things because i thought he had dissed me and thta i was gong to keep trying to be his friend.I also apoligised as i should have known that was why he was ignoring me, because when he cant handle things he does shut down and has ignored me before because it was too much stress in his life or something like that. Its like all those time i forgave him and he cannot even forgive me once, its like im being punished.What do you guys think, i thin i have ruined everything and he never wants to speak to me again, and all i wanted to do was make everything better for him, and now ive lost him. Or maybe its same problem he just needs time, i dont know.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2011): I have done something similar to you, ending a relationship on a text (my bad). When I did it, I read between the lines and sent a loving txt saying I understand, I would like to remain friends and I wish him all the best. He came back saying my message was a big surprise and he didn't know what he had done, but that was fine with him. I tried to explain what had happened but he would not forgive me and didn't want to see me again. I blamed myself for months, thinking I had ruined something wonderful by jumping the gun. I felt it was all my fault. That was years ago, and I can see now, that for a man to do the 'disappearing act' is inconsiderate and a red flag. I can see that the relationship was over for him, and rather than face me, he let me do the dirty work, then let me believe that I ended the relationship by over-reacting. allowing me to take all the blame. He had a new girlfriend in a few of weeks. I can see now, if he truely wanted me he would have explained the mix up and explained why he 'disappeared' on me. Your true love will not let you go that easily. I have also watched a man do this to a woman, He let her think she ruined things by reading his actions incorrectly, when in truth, he had moved on to another woman. I don't know what has happened for you but I would hate to think that you needlessly blame yourself for the next few months, and loose sleep over trying to work out what 'really' happened.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (3 December 2011):
 Hi,
I am going to be honest with you. I am not sure how long you've been together, or how well you know each other. But, reading your ex-boyfriend text message makes me believe that he's not punishing you at all. I think he has a lot of personal problems going on in his life, I guess he misses his children, etc...
He knows you are a good person, but at the moment I think he's not ready to be in a relationship, or commit to anyone. It's not about you, and he's not punishing you...
Just send him a text message saying that you are his friend, and that he can contact you if he needs any help? I am sorry that you are in pain, but I think for now you need to respect his wishes, and give him time alone... Just know that it's not about you....
Hope you feel better and good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): I think you should accept it's over. Sounds like you welcomed him with open arms when he was was looking for a safe place to land during his painful separation. Now he has healed and most likely met someone else or got back with his wife.
"ps rememeber you are a good no great person who offers everything and who doesnt expect anything in return!" Ouch. I would recommend not settling for crumbs with the next guy you meet. Refer them along to a therapist and see one yourself if you find yourself in a one sided relationship again.
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