A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, ive been with my girlfriend for 15 months. i love her very much but her mood towards me can change soo easily, i dont even have to do anything. one day she can be passionate towards me then the next day she can be incredibly distant like i barely know her. when i ask whats wrong she says nothing, i insist that there is but she quickly ends the conversation. this happens every time we get really close and happy together then ts like she backs away from it. this has happened quite a few times and eery time she will say shes been bored today or we dont have as much in common as she would like. we have broken up a couple of times because of this. the change in mood last happened a few days ago when she told me she was bored and that i didnt want to do anything, even though we were going out later that day whch she didnt stay out for long because her mum came to pick her up at 10.30 unexpectidly (were both 22 by the way). sometimes i feel like im with someone whos very sheltered by her mother and immature. she confuses me soo much, i dont feel appreciated and i find myself feeling pathetic and depressed because of her changeful ways. when shes happy with me im happy and its like she just ripps that hapiness out of me when she feels lke it.any advice would be very useful.
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female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (1 October 2007):
 you cant change other people, all you can do is tell her that it upsets you and tell her what needs to be changed in order for you to be happy and hope she'll try to change her behaviour herself. you cant do it for her. sit her down and be open and honest with her. im sure there are things she'd like you to change to so talk about both so it doesnt sound like you're attacking her
brooke
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey, thanks again. ur right about the immaturity and inexperience. i am her first boyfriend and shes had a somewhat sheltered life because of her mother. im going to see her later and she sounds less moody now but im scared of this repeating over and over. any tips for me to be more understanding and helpful towards her immaturity? or is that something only she can do?
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (30 September 2007):
to be honest she sounds like shes not ready for a relationship and she doesnt know how to handle her own feelings.
her mother is obviously a big factor too. she's 22 years old she needs to be an adult and stop letting her mum control her life.
i think her moods are just her immaturity and inexperience showing through. its like she gets scared by how she feels so she pushes you away. which is a complete mind trip for you.
and you're right you should be able to talk to her all the time, not just when you have to or your gonna pop. i think she needs to tell her mum to take a back seat for a while.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, thankyou for the reply. i also believe in talking alot in relationships but she can only seem to do this when im really upset. shes so compasionate when im upset but i want to talk to her about things whenever i feel them and not have to pour my heart out eery time it gets unbarable. also i can never see her when i want as im only allowed to her house when invited by her mother which is about every several weeks which makes it very difficult to tell her how i feel as i have to wait until she comes to see me. do you or anyone have any explinations why a girl can just change the way she feels without me doing anything? i feel that leaving her could either be a good thing for me or a huge mistake.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (30 September 2007):
i think you need to talk to her about it. im such a big believer in talking the hell out of relationships and i hate to see people keep their worries bottled up til it destroys the relationship when talking about it, letting each other know how you feel and compromising could've saved it.
tell her what you just told us. tell her you dont feel appreciated and that her moods confuse you and make you feel depressed and like shes taking you for granted. and make sure she understands you care about her but you dont want to feel like this anymore. then she has the opportunity to see what shes doing and change it.
but if she still doesnt change i think you would have to think about leaving her. it doesnt sound like its a very good relationship for you to be in and it sounds like shes bringing you down. dont let other people having the deciding factor in whether or not you are happy.
give her a chance to change it though because it is possible she doesnt realise shes doing it or how much she is upsetting you
brooke
xx
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