A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I were together for seven years, but we split up three years ago. She said she had stopped listening to me and never really talked to me about the relationship again. This would be fine except for the fact that we share the same friends and the same social circles. I find it hard to cope with meeting her by surprise. I feel stalked by her, but insisting that she talk to me might make it seem like I am harassing her! Help!
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female
reader, TaylorChu  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 For me I was with a guy I loved but it didn't work out and so seeing him out or with other women would level me. It does take a toll emotionally. You might have to strategically coordinate what you do with friends. Perhaps you can be the one to suggest guys nite out, movies or even dinner or bbq at your place. You choose who is there and who is invited, you know? The more involved you get in things the easier it will be to deal with seeing her. And if/when you are ready to date having a loving women with you will help. I wish you the best! TC
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks TaylorChu. I think a lot of what you say is stuff I should know already - but it is hard to do. It really helps to hear you offer that advice though because it makes following it easier.I'm really trying to not let her get to me emotionally but I dont want to have to avoid my friends. Maybe I do have to. I have been trying to make new friends in different social circles and taking up new hobbies but it is hard dropping the old ones.
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A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (5 September 2007):
That is a tough issue to deal with. You are going to have to be strong and not let her presence throw you off. Are you living in a big city? Try branching out and making new friends. Get grounded in a new hobby and pour yourself into that. Go out traveling more or whatever. If you know common friends of you and her will be having a party or something, decline to go until you know in your heart that she wont upset you when you see her. It is time to let her stop having a strong hold on you and for you to live your life and flourish and explore avenues you have always wanted to go down. True a long time was invested in your relationship BUT that time has ended and it is time for healing and also for you go after what you want in life. Don't bother contacting her. If you see her and she looks at you say hello and let that be it. ASK friends if they know if she will be at get togethers too. if you know she will be there then be prepared. Also, with that though some friends may see it as you anticipating seeing her and may take it as you liking her again~ not a signal you want to put across. Tell friends you know and trust how seeing her upsets you and hopefully they understand where you are coming from and will help you in that area.*Dont be intimidated by her or by what was. You gather your strength and be the man God created you to be and remain steadfast and unphased by her being anywhere you may go.*check out the website meetup.com to see if you can find local groups and branch out to make friends or get involved with nee things so you arent always running in to her and past memories.
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