A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When my bf and I were together I never used to argue with him because I was scared he would stop loving me. We broke up in October but I still have feelings for him, I'm currently trying to get over him as he moved on almost instantly. The other day we had an argument over the internet because I was getting annoyed with things he's been saying about me to guys to stop them being interested in me (he doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to have me either). It blew out of proportion and I finally got a few things off my chest about our one-sided relationship. That was the first time I'd ever had an argument with him that I hadn't backed out of before it got out of hand, and it took all the strength I had not to e-mail him an apology straight afterwards, I cried all night.Since then we've had another argument because he sent me a very blunt and inpolite text message demanding that I give him someone's number (the guy I'm now seeing). When I told him he couldn't treat me like that and that he owes me an apology he just got worse.I'm proud of myself for standing up to him like this and everyone is behind me as he can be a nasty piece of work, but I feel awful. He must think I really hate him, and although part of me does he still means the world to me. I really want to apologise to him just to end this, even though I know it's not my fault. We went from being in a relationship to being sex buddies/friends and we never really had any distance from the relationship so maybe this is healthy. Am I doing the right thing?
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female
reader, love-him +, writes (13 May 2007):
 listen chick he is tryin 2 ruin your life, its clear this guy has feelings for you still and doesnt want to let you be with someone else. if he asks for your current - boyfriends - number tell him where 2 go, its your life, not his, its has absolute f*ck all 2 do with him..explain to yoour boyfriend or person you are seein, what he is being like and hes making sh*t up about you...make sure they know how he is so your ex doesnt wind them round his finger...move on wiv ur life chick u deserve it, i hope i helped, mail me if u wan 2 talk x x x
A
male
reader, forgonepath  +, writes (13 May 2007):
I totally agree with Irish49; he doesn't deserve you and you shouldn't feel bad for lashing out on him. However, I must say that I also have this thing where I feel guilty for doing something mean even when I'm right..so I understand how you are feeling. You have this urge to apologize to him and "make things right" because deep inside you want to leave that gate open that leads to him. You don't want to end things on bad terms because who knows one day you might want to go back to him, right? I know it is difficult but I have realized that nothing good ever comes from giving in to these urges. It is very important that you "burn the bridges," move on, and focus on the guy you're with right now. If things don't work out with this guy, then there are million others. Do you really need to ever go back to the one guy around whom you couldn't even be yourself? I know the guilty feeling is eating at you from inside and it's difficult to not apologize, but be strong. The guilt will go away in a few weeks and you'll be able to move on. Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2007): You need to get busy with your life and get this guy out of your hair. dear. When you had made him your life and you were afraid to lose him (which happened anyways) ..that worries me. He was supposed to be your bf, he is not supposed to be 'you'. You are supposed to be 'you'. You are not owned by this guy, you are a young woman who can make her own decision and choices. Please, get that in your mind, hun. So...why on earth do you feel like you should apologize to this guy? This is a case where he was rude to you and you stood up for yourself! Give yourself a pat on the back, hun..so proud of you. So now...why are you worried about what this guy thinks? Let's get this into perspective here. He doesn't have any respect for you. Too bad for him. But why are you still secretly pine away for a guy who treats you this badly?. Think about the type of guy he is...you two broke up, he moved on, but you are still dwelling. Why don't you feel you deserve a much healthier, happier relationship with a caring, nice guy? Instead, you are still clinging to some hope. Ask yourself...is he the kind of guy you could end up having an equal, open, mutually respecting relationship with? From what you just said about him...I don't think so. All you would end up with is with a guy who gets off treating you badly and always trying to put the 'one-up' on you. All relationships with a guy like this gives you No equality..No repect. So why are you acting so inappropriately needy and dependant. Stop doing that, dear--you are losing yourself here and I hate to see that. Why don't you lose him instead...take the time to heal, recover and get out with your friends and enjoy life. And next time you date anyone...never, ever let them treat you with disrespect.
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