A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I finally got the courage and strength to bring up the subject of breaking up/going on a break with my boyfriend of two years. After countless times of cheating, and abuse, I let him go...Thing is I thought I'd feel better, but instead I find myself wanting him back already.Any tips on how to take my mind off of this?!
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 April 2009):
 Try to remember what the abuse was like. If it was physical and you had a lousy lonely day, cheer yourself up with the thought that tonight you are going alone to bed with no bruises.
Just remember WHY you split. People are odd, we forget the bad times so easily and focus on the good and think, "Oh maybe this time it will be different."
You can do this, get your own life back. A life in which you are happy and not at the mercy of somebody elses temper.
Don't know if this applies in your case, but abusers often tend to isolate their victims. Forbid or limit them in having contacts with friends and family. Rebuild those relationships and don't be afraid to call on them. If it gets to much suddenly being on your own again, go out on a night with friends or visit a relative.
Just don't go back, abuse never gets better, only worse.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): I would suggest putting some effort into a hobby or leisure activity you really like. It'll help take your mind off of him.
Also when you do date be very picky. It's not a bad thing to have high standards. Nice guys are out there, I'm one of them. I spent years not having any relationships at all because girls thought I was a prude (not true, i just couldn't get a date and wasn't very assertive). Keep an eye out. When you do find a guy who treats you right It will be like night and day. I've seen it happen with a lot of friends of mine. They are so much happier when they hold out for a truly nice guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): Very generic advice: Pour yourself into a hobby, physical activity or into your work. Always be doing something. Avoid too much solitary thought. And enjoy whoever you are with at the time, instead of thinking about this guy while you talk to other people.
If you DO find yourself at the mercy of your thoughts, remember the two fives: Cynicism, Negativism, Defeatism, Escapism, and Delay-ism. And, Fear of Failure, Fear of Success, Fear of Rejection, Fear of Mediocrity, and Fear of Risks.
Those are all thoughts that will try to undermine your self control at any given time. If you are able to identify these thoughts as what they are though, the potency and power of them are greatly lessened. GL
~G
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (30 April 2009):
 You finally got the strength to leave him, if you go back to him it will only be showing him that it'a fine to treat you like a doormat and he will soon go back to his old ways. Keep yourself busy, go out with friends, spend time with family, build your life back up and you will soon forget about him x
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A
female
reader, niki20  +, writes (30 April 2009):
 date meeting other guys and the differance between the your ex boyfriend and your new fling would floor you! you would see how much better new nice guy would be treating and forget all about the loser abusive ex! Goodluck
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