A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:To cut this as brief as possible,i had always had a fantasy of being gangbanged. I decided to do it with 6 guys. Unfortunately,i feel ill with disgust,the reality is i was lying there and they were just taking turns. I feel violated,it wasnt what i thought. I consented and i also felt they looked down on me. I cannot get rid of the regret and hate myself. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JerryS +, writes (17 November 2011):
Some people go trough life and never make a decision about their future or their desires. Ok you made a mistake, you moved forward but at least you didnt stay still. I am very impulsive and have always acted onm y desires and most of the time they have been positive and have created greater opportunities for my happiness. I have also made mistakes and errors that could have landed me in very deep trouble but it has shaped me and has made me who I am, which I actually like. As I have got older I have become either risk adverse or manage my risks better. But at the end of the day and look back,sometimes I have been a right arse but today I love who I am. Put it down to experince and definitely do not dwell on it, really it is not the end of the world that you made a mistake.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): Dont feel bad about it, if it was a fantasy you had for a while, lets face it, you were going to do it sooner rather than later. We have all made mistakes and have regrets, but you know now, and it wasnt what you had imagined. So just let it rest and try your best to move on. Maybe getting to know the men who did it would help, they are probably decent guys who couldnt believe their luck and got carried away. Men together are always awful! I think just by knowing they dont disrespect you would help you overcome this a lot, as I feel its your main issue. I say well done for taking the bull by the horns and going for it, yes sure, you know now you didnt enjoy it but thats why they are called experiences. You only live once, and hey who knows maybe in different circumstances maybe you would have enjoyed it if you had planned it a little better but please dont feel bad about it. Each to their own I say
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): I hope you're OK?
Hi. Yes, your message is brief, but compelling. There's a scarcity of detail there, understandable I suppose, which leaves us to guess whether you found the experience absolutely horrifying or merely unpleasant.
It's obvious that you didn't like it. You also need to bear in mind that pretty much nobody on this site, myself included, is in any position at all to respond from a position of 'knowing what it feels like' unless they've also been gang-banged by six guys.
You're not alleging rape, you accept that you consented. I trust that no injuries were incurred, and that any scars you bear as a result of the experience are purely psychological.
As hurt as you might feel about it, nobody did anything to you that broke any rules, IF you consented. Whether or not there was a grey area involved, whether or not you asked anyone to STOP at any stage and were ignored, the fact is that you 'signed up' to this in the first place, probably with totally unrealistic notions of what the experience would be like. Six men who are willing to bang one woman as a 'gang' are highly unlikely to all turn out to be six 'considerate lover' types in the bedroom, focused on maximising your pleasure. Probably the opposite.
I don't judge you for electing to do this, but I very much question the wisdom of your decision, as I'm sure (belatedly) you do too. The nature of sexual fantasies is that they're often quite 'dangerous' in inverse proportion to how commonly accepted they are. In terms of multiple partners, I would say that even from a submissive-nympho perspective, a threesome is enough for ANYONE. I don't think I'm being too conservative in saying so. Otherwise, it's a slippery slope...where do you draw the line? Ten in one sitting? Fifty?
I have had a threesome on one occasion, which would be known in gay circles as a 'spitroast' - the physical fulfilment of a fantasy I'd had for a while, with me in the middle of two men, receiving one orally, one anally. At the time, I enjoyed it incredibly on both a sexual and psychological level. The guys in question were sweet and considerate, though only as gentle as I asked them to be, and not in the least 'nasty'.
Even still, I did feel unmistakable tinges of regret afterwards, like 'what have I become?' - yet another line that I'd once told myself I wouldn't cross. What next, three men tomorrow? Four on Monday?
And right now, I'm content to leave it there. Been there, done that. Wouldn't say never again. But no need to keep pushing the boundaries. Even fantasy has its limits. I've often wondered how it would feel to be pumped relentlessly by a whole basketball team of muscle-bound stallions while I break all known world records for continuous orgasm.
But that's one for daydreaming of while I'm on the bus. In reality, I know instinctively that to go THAT far would be an unwise idea (likely involving more pain than pleaure, therefore defeating the entire purpose of sex), without any need to get out there and do it in order to find out.
I hope you're OK, not physically damaged, and emotionally able to get to grips with what you've done. All things are relative. I also hope you'll never do this again, and that it won't inhibit you from enjoying one-to-one sex again with the right person. As humans have found for centuries now, one-to-one IS the best sex.
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, young and opinionated +, writes (8 August 2009):
 Forgive yourself. How were you to know beforehand that it would be awful? you tought it was going to be great and it wasn't. Humans make mistakes......we also learn from them! you will never make that mistake again! If it has had more of a profound effect on you than it should have, then seek osme councelling.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): I would seek counselling to understand the process that led you to decide to do this and the range of emotions you now feel. You are feeling things and describing a situation that is similar to rape and this concerns me enough to say that I don't think you can get through this without proper help. Please do not be ashamed. The fact is you feel abused and violated and that is enough - whether or not you consented to it. You are very vulnerable now so please be kind to yourself and seek professional support.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): I am sorry you are feeling so terrible about what happened. Sometimes, we do things and discover that the reality is very different to what we thought. How long ago did this happen? If it was recently, then give yourself more time. Try not to beat yourself up about this. You regret it now, but how was you supposed to know you would feel this way? I'm sure if you knew you would feel so bad about it after, you wouldn't have done it in the first place.
So please don't give yourself a hard time. But if this continues to trouble you, or you feel very affected by it, then I would recommend speaking to someone about it. It isn't good or helpful to get stuck on something that happened. It is better to learn, and then move forward. But this can be very difficult to do, and sometimes we need help to move on. So don't feel embarrassed to ask for help, maybe from a doctor, or somebody else you trust. Especially as you say you feel "violated". That must be a horrible feeling.
So please try to forgive yourself, if necessary, and get help if you need it. Nobody should judge you for this, and if they do they are not the right person to help. But there are people out there who will help you, so reach out for it if you need it. Take care of yourself. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): i think you have learnt that this one sexual fantasy should have been left unfulfilled. be that as it may, it is too late now, you cannot turn back the clock. if you are feeling so wretched then maybe you need to ask yourself what you could have done better- as someone suggested, perhaps screen the men properly. also, going forward, fantasy over, how do you look yourself in the mirror, what have you really learnt? i think you were "greedy" in wanting 6 men at one go. maybe the 3 previously suggested would have been better, since you were in unfamiliar territory. well, just chalk it down to bad experience and try moving forward, if you indulge again in this sort of thing, then do your homework.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 I agree with lazy guy excellent answer btw, as for the poster just get over it you cant take it back you learned a lesson spread your knowledge and move on. As a Christian i will say the Bible clearly tells you to not take part n sutch activities now you no why. As a mere human i will have to say we all have our fantasies but there meant to remain as such and not to be acted on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): I don't see how you could have expected a different outcome as gang banging is pretty brutal and demeaning. The women are treated as orifices and their tears are ignored. They become objects to use and not people to caress. It is all about forgetting who you are to lose yourself in sexual ecstasy. I guess that in your case the men mistreated you and disregarded your person. They f*cked your brains out and didn't care one bit how you were faring in all this as it was all about them getting their sexual pleasure at your expense. It looks to me like you needed to have been more selective with the men you chose to gang bang you. Did you meet them beforehand? Did you tell them how you wanted to be treated? Since they despised you I would guess that you didn't discuss any of this and didn't know any of them. Maybe you needed to have been in charge of the situation so as not to lose control and when you did then it all went downhill.You are too brief but why did you choose so many men? Could 3 not have been enough for a first time?I don't have any experience in this department. I have seen gang banging at porn sites and they repulsed me when I saw them mistreating women. I haven't watched those for long. When you see a gang banging with willing participants then it is pretty straightforward and everyone is seen to be respected.All in all I think you hate yourself for not screening the men better or the establishment were you sought this experience out. All you have to do now is forgive yourself for not preparing adequately. Then let time heal your wounds. Al least you know you tried and failed. Perhaps you need to know what it is you are seeking from one of these exotic experiences so that you can respond correctly when the desired outcome is not coming your way in the heat of the moment.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 There is a reason why fantasies should remain fantasies.
You might have imagined half a dozen lovers what you got is... well the kind of guys who well fuck women as a group.
Real life is not the movies. We don't have a stylist standing of camera to fix our hairs and clothes everytime the wind blows them the wrong way.
In real life music don't start to play during a romantic moment and the extra's around you don't magically shut the hell up or in extreme cases dissappear altogether.
Chalk it up to experience and let it be a warning to others. Fantasies RARELY work out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): Sexual fantasies are like any other fantasy; we focus on what we think are the positives and not the negatives. The reality is that being gangbanged is usually about sexual submission (which often has men "look down" on women during the act); the idea of being used by many men at once to fufill their desires and in the process fufill your sexual desires. But acting on a fantasy doesn't always produce the results we want. Some women can do it and love it. Others try and hate it. In the end, you had a chance to live out a fantasy and it wasn't what you expected. Unless a serious consequence (ie physical assault) occurred, I think you should just chalk it up to experience and forget it as best you can.
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