A
female
age
41-50,
*owruserious
writes:So, I'll try to summarize this as best I can. I dated a guy in my hometown for a few months, then moved to Vegas, he would then fly back and fourth to see me for aprox. 2 years. It was never a consistent relationship. However, we were like best friends, let alone lovers. Finaly last year he told me to move on, so I did. He comes to Vegas every year for the world series of poker. I honestly felt that, even though we got along well, I was a convience for him. This year, I moved on and found a boyfriend. Then by coincedence I swear, my boyfriend moves out the day my ex calls and says he's in town.I say I will hang out with him but only as friends because I know he's passing through. He then starts saying he might want to move here, he doesn't want to loose me ever again. He says he's going to do his best to make things different.He tries to have sex with me, I say no, because I won't with out some kind of a commitment on his part. then he gets mad ... bla bla long story short.. He hurt me so bad when he was here and he doesn't even see it. We continued to hang out, and if he ever showed me as not being a prority of his. I wouldn't answer his phone calls, then he would yell and scream and say I was gonna be a bad mother, and that I can't not answer his phone calls because it hurts him. I needed help moving and he helped me one day by paying movers and moving a bed, anytime after that I asked for help there was a huge fight, so I stopped asking, and he never offered. It's so hot here and when I was moving on my own I was sweaty and I felt so lonely and unloved. I didn't see why he wasn't jumping to help me if he wanted to be with me. Or be a friend even. It would have been so much faster.I also have a full time job and was trying to juggle time with him, and moving. His mother came into town and I entertained them both, sometimes when I didn't want to and I was there because I felt like it was important. I asked him to help me look for an apartment and he literally almost forced me into signing a lease for an apartment I didn't like. Saying things like "Get it, just get it!! We'll be happy here (like he was really gonna move here)" When I did I found out it was infested with roaches stayed for one night and moved out with in a week loosing 1600 dollars to buy out of the lease. I drove him around to all of the hotels, places he needed to go. I picked him up food sometimes, hung out with him and tried to be a good friend. I feel like I got shit on in retutn and if he couldn't be my boyfriend, I just don't see why he couldn't be a good friend.In the end, he was going to leave the hotels and come to my place, and he got mad when I wouldn't help him pack his things (ha). Then he called me and said I'm leaving on a tour bus with (insert star here), (which he really was and said good bye) I never saw him, I never hugged him goodbye ...He ran me all over town and was just done with me.I feel like I can't write and clearly illustrate how fucking hurt I am. I just dont understand why he even called me.Before I go, I'll try and give his side as to not be one sided. He baught me a purse a wallet, some shoes, a bunch of shorts, took me out to dinner a lot. Took me to a concert and shows. Spent time with me, but never seemed to be there for the important stuff. I did tell him that I loved the things he gave me but it wasn't what I needed, like I'd rather him pay my electric bill for gods sakes. Part of his argument would probably be, why would I wanna stay with a girl that flips out on me, or doesn't answer my phone calls, or doesn't want to have sex with me. However, I didn't answer his calls because I felt unimportant to him. He also left on the tour bus instead of coming to my place because he said it was his dream to go on a tour bus home with (insert star name here) Which is understandable but I felt like we had no closure or anything. Sorry it was so long, and I won't be surprised if no one responds. =(
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 It's a power struggle. You are thinking, if he helps me move, takes care of my living situation, then I feel loved and might want to have sex with him. He's thinking, if she has sex with me, talks to him gently, then he would feel like helping you. He's not going to help you if he feels like he's not getting anything in return either. Since you already told him you would hang out with him as friends he lost all motivation. You want him to do things that only husbands would do but you don't see him as husband material. Your life is not stable yet so you can't give him a chance to proove to you what he's able to give you. He already told you to move on so he had no right to expect "girlfriend duties" from you. Maybe time never allowed you to make this relationship happen and you are just curious what it would be like to be his girlfriend. He's thinking the same. After your life becomes stable then you can try your luck again with him.
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