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female
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*emima
writes: I used to see a therapist for counselling when i was going through a difficult patch. She was amazing and several months after leaving I am the happiest I have ever been. However I began to fall very much in love with her during that time (I haven't told her this) and at the end of our sessions I asked if there was anyway that we could still keep in touch. We decided that there might be a possibility of a friendship later on. Because of the professional nature of the relationship, we had to follow the code of practice to the letter and this consequently meant leaving six months before renewing contact. I waited that length of time and have contacted her but she hasn't replied. Should I take it that she has changed her mind or wait a little longer to see if she gets back to me? I know she found it difficult making the decision to pursue a friendship in the first place.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2016): She wasn't married, not sure where you got that idea from! This was back in 2006 when I made the original post. We did indeed leave six months and then resumed contact. We have become very close friends even though we were on opposite sides of the world for a few years. We will have known each other/been friends 12yrs this summer. It has never been anything more than friendship but true unconditional love doesn't have to be. I think if two people are meant to be in each other's lives, whatever the nature of the relationship, it will happen...
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female
reader, Detteerlivet  +, writes (23 January 2016):
First off, do you love her?
You say she is happily married. But you want to be with her? So, in essence, you do not mind the idea of destroying her happy marriage? For what purpose? Because you believe you are better suited to provide for her? But you have stated she is already happily married. So, the fact is, you want her for you. Not for her. And that is an extension of the relationship you had with her as your therapist. One sided. That's ok. No judgement in stating that. But it's best you recognize that it is indeed inference you are dealing with, not a true love for her. Because a true love for her would want what is best for her, and obviously, she has what she needs to be at her best in the life she has now.
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male
reader, Joe Maddalena  +, writes (2 April 2011):
I had two sessions of CBT with a Clinical Psychologist. But I had quite a falling out with her, as I told her I was annoyed with her.But the honest truth, is I had crush on her, but the is no longer working directly with me. But I feel really bad for being nasty to her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): let it be...she is a good therapist and done her job..you're happy.
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female
reader, Whizzy +, writes (11 July 2010):
HiI am in a similar position. I have very string feelings for my therapist. I am a lesbian and she is everything I have ever looked for in a woman! I have at least a further 6 months of therapy and my initial reaction is to simply stop going now to avoid the hurt in the future. I cannot tell her how I feel. We have acknowledged that I have a reliance on her, but not anything more. I would give anything to remain in touch with her when I finish. It must be sooooo hard having followed procedure and waited 6 months to hear nothing from her. I would try again and if you hear nothing after that, I would take it that she can't be friends - though it would be a shame if she couldn't at least tell you that so u r not left wondering. Keep safe.x
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female
reader, misslucy +, writes (2 February 2009):
My counselling ended just over 2 weeks ago, but it feels like so much longer. I first met her about 4 years ago and the sessions started and ended quite normally until a few months ago I can't explain what happened to me but I have fallen head over heals in love with her and can't get her out of my head. I can't stop thinking about her day and night and when I listen to music I think of her and not my current partner.I am so unhappy and feel totally alone with all my feelings that have got no where to go. I told her how I felt about her in my last session in the hope that she would change her mind and explore these feelings I have for her but she did'nt.At the end of the penultimate session I was upset that we only had 1 more session left with each other and for the first time in 4 years she asked me whether I wanted a hug and the warmth I felt and the feeling of safety was one I will never ever forget.I asked her if we could stay in touch after and she said no she had to stick to strick policies and I don't know how to move on from her. I can't go any where near the area on the days she is there as I know I will never see her again.She thought is was positive on our last session that I told her how I felt about her and said I would see her around and about but on a professional basis.I know I will never hold her again or probably speak to her and I have still got her christmas present that I want ot give her and a freindship card but I need to get my act together first before I can drop it off where she works.I have been off work for a year nearly now and feel now through no fault other than my own worse off now than I did before the counselling cos I have these feeling to deal with and stuck in a relationship that I don't want and is full of problems.I don't suppose that your counsellor ever got back in touch or you will ever read this but your question and everyones answers have made ne feel not totally on my own with thisso thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Even though this is a difficult subject, once your Therapist has decided that it's now time to end your therapy, if they are professionals, they will always opt to sever any and all contact. As with anything, there are exceptions to every rule. It seems to me that you held up your end by waiting the six months to contact her, unfortunately no one can do anything about her choice not to respond. I would have to say, that you can only respect her choice and move on. Don't wait for her to change her mind, because that probably will not happen, and if it does, then you are able to enter in to this friendship freely. The only thing that you can do now is, is try to find the reserve to move beyond this. I too fell in love with my therapist, knowing deep down that in the end, we would never talk or see each other again (unless I needed to resume therapy for whatever reason). This is one of the main reasons they don't become our friends or stay in touch, but I do think that many of them are extremely paranoid about this (but unfortunately, some want to take legal action just to retaliate against their therapist). This just happens to be one of those situations in which there is no sense of equality, your therapist will always be in control, this may actually spill over in to a friendship and cause problems. To this day, I still have strong feelings towards my therapist, but I know that I have to move on, because I know that it will never be reciprocated (in a relationship or friendship--something that I am still working on). Never forget about therapy and what you gained from it, and it's only normal to want to continue a friendship, etc. with her, but sometimes some things are better left alone. They say that time will heal, a statement that I detest most of the time, but the reality is that it's true. It's never easy to say goodbye or to leave a friend behind. Go with your gut.......if you are indecisive about contacting her again, it's probably better to just let it go. However, if you feel deep inside that you should try one more time, do so and put your mind at ease...........only you know how you really feel. However, be sure about your choice, so that in the end you can move on and know that you tried, but it just wasn't meant to be.I hope this helps, and if for any reason you would like to talk about this further, to gain a different perspective, I am open to it (you would have to provide me with a way to contact you, and it does't have to be by phone, whatever feels safest for you), but if not I respect that, and wish you all the best. Take care, and I hope that everything works out for you, and you find a sense of peace from whatever decision you make.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): It sounds to me as though your therapist must have guessed that you were in love with her (or at least that you had a crush on her) and that is why she was uncomfortable about having a friendship, and also the reason she hasn't responded so far to your contact. That tells me that she really is, as you thought, a good therapist, and that she's trying to protect you. I'm sure you know all about "transference" and so on -- but what people forget about transference is that it's still real love. It doesn't just "feel like" real love. That doesn't mean, though, that turning it into a relationship (especially a friendship with unresolved and one-sided overtones of romance) is a good idea.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): I am in love with my thrapist too. Well, I don't see her anymore. It's been three months now. I think of her all the time. I feel a sinking feeling in my stomah when I go to the same building, where she works, for different services. I will not approach her. I do not want to put her in an uncomfortable situation; or myself for that matter.
I do not think it is really love, however. It is a connection that is very uncommon for me to achieve with others. I realize that what I am really feeling is that I would like to meet someone like her. I have never had this happen to me before and it feels awful. I wish I could simply stop the feelings I have for her. I imagine time will take care of this matter.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): It is unethical to fall in love with your therapist. It is also not a real love but a bond between client/therapist. Just the same a you can not love your parents who brought you up to be sexual in nature so it is not possible to have this type of relationship with a therapist. She was being kind to your feelings when she said to wait, as you have not had a reply you should now move on. There is a lot of love and understanding you can now give to someone else use that gift you learnt during your therapy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2006): You contacted her-the ball's in her court but try not to pin high hopes on this. Remember, that being a patient of hers...you were going through a very vulnerable, emotionally tough time. She's aware of this. It sounds to me, you bonded with her emotionally but while she was compassionate, helpful--she did likely remain a 'professional'. It sounds like she is not looking for a romantic relationship with you otherwise she would have contacted you back, dear. You have to be really careful here, because in the past decade however, this issue has become a heated legal and ethical debate. Your therapist had a patient/therapist relationship with you and she's aware that the bottom line is there are very strict policies/codes in place, to protect the patient. Depending on the policies in your area, having a love relationship with a former patient, could land her in hot water. I know in some areas, the policies of patient/doctor relations is very, very strict. Here, just because some medical professionals know they won't ever see a patient again, they still can't have a relationship with them..ever. Sounds draconian but it's a fact. There may be circumstances where therapist/patient dating is acceptable, but some medical professionals such as doctors, therapists, etc., ask themselves....why risk it? It could also be quite likely she's thinking with her head, before her heart gets her in trouble. Take the wonderful advice about life and happiness she gave you and apply it to your own situation. You sound like things are going great for you..take this 'new' you and get out there and live life to the fullest. I wish you the best, dear and take care.
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female
reader, Angel Underneath +, writes (1 January 2006):
I would assume that she has changed her mind. Perhaps she has read between the lines and decided that perhaps a friendship was not all you were looking for and decided not to complicate things. I would respect the fact that she has not renewed contact and move on.
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