A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and this girl have been friends for a while and her boyfriend and I have been friends for even longer. I am talking many years and I would consider him my best friend.Anyway one day she starts to touch my arm so I start to do it back. This escalates over the next while and eventually I find myself falling in love with this girl and so does she with me.She kept telling me that she was going to break up with her boyfriend and that they had major problems before she started doing things with me so I didn't feel as bad doing these things behind his back.Anyway we get caught having sex in his room while he was asleep because he woke up and he told us to get out. Fair enough. She however tries to calm him down and says she will call him to speak to him later.We have a talk and she goes home and so do I. She goes down to see him later that day and I talk to her on the phone at night and we talk about it all. She says she will come and see me but in the end she never does, always going down to try and make things better between them which I didn't see a problem with because we screwed up and so on.Now I basically lose all of my friends because of this and she tells me she has to make the choice between me and him which I thought was an easy choice because he says they he can never trust her again and they broke up because of that. Also she said that she would always pick me.In the end she tells me she is trying to sort things out with him and can't come and see me because it would make things more complicated because she would fall for me again. We have a cry together on the phone and I tell her that I thought she was the one for me and things seemed perfect between us for the 2 months we were "together". I tell her I love her and she eventually tells me she does too. She also tells me other things like she doesn't think she can feel the same way about anyone else again and I was the only one who can make her happy and she will never be happy again.Now she is trying to sort things out with her boyfriend and is trying to be truthful so she says that if I call her then she will have to tell him and also says that they have discussed her changing her sim card in her phone so I can't keep contacting her.I told her that if things don't work out between them that I will be waiting to start things up again and she agrees that she will call me if that happens.Now this was my first love and as I said things just seemed perfect between us but I don't want to screw up their relationship twice because they were together for 2 years and she was his first love as well.She was the only person I could ever open up to fully and I told her things that no-one else knows, not even my family. She also told me things that no-one knows not even the person she went to see (she had a horrible experience before).Now I really don't know what to do. I told her that I never want to get over her and she told me that she never wants me to stop loving her and that everything she told me wasn't a lie and swore on her family's lives (telling the truth basically).What do I do? Do I keep waiting for that phone call or do I try and get over her. I have 1 month before I go off to Uni and I have nothing to do as well except think about her.I hope someone has some advice and I am sorry that was so complicated and rambled.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): Forget about the girl for now. Talk to your best friend. That is the most important thing to do because that relationship could be destroyed forever. The main thing to come make clear is that you didn't do it to hurt him or compete with him, but because you couldn't help how you felt toward her. This is the power of love. Then you can decide if she is being genuine with you or if it was a moment of weakness in her character because of her relationship with your friend, and move forward.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to have tried my best with this girl and even though she might have played me for the fool I still want to give it a shot and I believe that she didn't.
The other thing is that me and my friend are always in competition over things (like you do) and it seems like one of those again. She has told me that he has said horrible things like "this is the first time I have thought about hurting myself and it actually being satisfying" and how he went to visit his dad's grave for the first time on his own because he needed to talk.
Maybe she just feels sorry for him and wants to sort things out with him first so he doesn't end up doing something stupid.
She tells me she still loves me and when I told her I just want her to be happy she said she would never be happy again and I was the only one to make her feel happy like that. Also she has this magic quality about her in that even though she has caused me all these problems and stress she makes me happy when I talk to her on the phone no matter what and I don't want to lose that so easily.
I don't know what to do. It is still pretty recent that the whole "getting caught" situation happened and I know she feels really bad for him so that could be why she is trying to patch things up with him.
She keeps telling me not to hate her because she couldn't live with herself and I keep promising her I won't. But it feels like if I get over her, my love might turn to hate and I really don't want it to.
Weird things keep happening between us like we would say loads of stuff at the same time and turn round and smile at each other pretty much synchronised. And other things like I woke up this morning after saying goodbye to her for the final time (it was supposed to be) and decided to phone her. The first thing she said was "did you get my text" and I looked at my phone and I must have received it just as I called her. I don't know. Too many things like that happened for me to just give up on her just now.
My plan is to wait it out and not contact her for a few days and see if she calls me or whatever even though it will be hard. I can't force her into it and if she really cares she will contact me so yeah.
I will see how it goes from there if she doesn't call me.
Thanks for the advice so far though. Much appreciated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): we all know that is a no go and any mate that does this be it male or female does not deserve friends or sympathy of any sort
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (30 July 2009):
 this is all so complicated for you and your best friend.
you need to start thinking clearly from now.
i cannot believe a woman has come between you & your friend and played you against each other.
she has no intention of leaving him, if a woman truly loves a man she would sacrifice all to be with him even if she is fearful of what the consequences maybe.
if you do eventually get with this girl, whats the guarantee she wont cheat on you?
making moves on 2 best friends is the lowest act, i would say that this girl isnt of quality standard, i would say im not surprised you lost your friends.
you have uni coming up soon, instead of waiting, look forward to that for a fresh start.
if she wanted to be with you she wouldnt be so indecisive and play games with your heart.
good luck!
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