A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Not sure where to begin and not sure of what kind of advice I'm looking for either. I met a wonderful 'man' online 8 years ago. He was the most caring, thoughtful, sweet and honest person I have ever met. We had a history... a love that was just everlasting. Somewhere along the lines I decided to go with the wrong man and landed on a two year relationship that was the biggest mistake of my life. When I finally go out of it, my platonic love was there with open arms. We spent two dedicated years of loving each other - over the phone and without having met in person. Since then I was so happy, so fulfilled and so in love.. Then comes last night, where a moment changed it all and the love of my life confessed to me that he is really a woman. That image of this man he claimed to be was destroyed.. but not really. That voice, that man.. he is still there. What am I to do? I am in love? I want to love hi.. her? I think I'm going crazy.. Please advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): basilcy you feel in love with the man you thought he wa. you are not lesbian, becuase you thought he was a man not a women.
A
female
reader, eurolove  +, writes (14 October 2008):
 Listen.. um the most i can do is give you my opinion. But if he/she really cared for you he/she would have been honest from the start. But I can tell you all you have to do is be strong and find a way to leave what you cannot uderstand. Many times we try to put ourselves in their position and basically not to be selfish, but sweety go for yourself, because this world has a lot to offer. Dont give up that easily and just question yourself for some time and ask yourself what do you want in life, besides being loved and cared for?
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (14 October 2008):
 You fell inlove with a personality which is actually really beautiful, but I dont think you can change your sexuality. I mean can you see yourself with a woman?
If "he" is still a woman you have to ask yourself if you are anywhere near remotely attracted to women. If you could kiss a woman, if you can make love to a woman so on ect. If the answer is no, then this is not a relationship you can persue. Even though the personality is someone you really love, if you aren't capable of holding a relationship with a woman like that then it wont work.
Another question I have is has "he" had a sex change or planning one?
If yes and you are attracted to men then its only a matter of if you are capable of looking over how "he" originally came into the world. If you are attracted to men then "he" needs to be a man. You wont be classed as a lesbian cause anatomically "he" would be a man.
All the best,
HonningKanin
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Let down by a man, then perceived to be let down (if I have got it right) by a woman you thought was a man.
The person who you spoke to down the phone is still the same person in all respects as the one you spoke with yesterday, the only difference is that he is a she.
You don't say whether you presumed that it was a man or whether you were led on into believing it was a man. It is important as there is no room for deception and lies in a loving relationship. Secondly (and I don't want to know the answer...it is for you alone) you infer the relationship was platonic but did sexual feelings surface or were they talked about as they will have a bearing on how you feel at this point.
thirdly whatever your feelings, love hate etc. remember the other party is a person and you need to be considerate in your confusion.
i don't know what precipitated the revelation but if it were due to a want on your part to take the relationship further then you have three options.
At the two extremes You can walk away and clean break thereby blanking and dismissing the whole episode, or you can still take the relationship further.
Or if either is a step too far then you can treat this person as a close friend keeping the relationship platonic but intimate who cares if it is a man or a woman down the line or in real life, who cares if you love one another No one need know the circumstances if a she turns up instead of a he and quite frankly friends are genderless anyway, I certainly don't look at female friends sexually.
The worst bit is coming to terms with the sex change of your friend, and that is difficult, give yourself time to come to terms with it and calm down as you will still be in shock and try not to be hurtful to the other person x
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