A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, there's this girl, let's call her X, I really like. We've known each other for a couple of years, and we worked together quite closely previously. While we were working together I fell for her pretty hard, but never made any moves or voiced my feelings for a couple of reasons: I had been involved with her best friend, and I was her direct superior. So, out of some sense of honor and decorum(and a little bit of cowardice, I suppose), I kept my feelings inside. I was probably pretty obvious in how I felt though, and there were times when I thought that she may have had feelings for me too.Anyway, X and I got along really well, and we've kept in touch over time, sending each other emails and texts as we live 8 hours away from each other except during the summer time. This past winter she went away on an exchange for a semester, and didn't keep her cell phone number. In the interim, I changed my number as well, so we weren't able to easily contact one another other than through email, which she's never been very good at checking. A couple of weeks ago, I bumped into her and we chatted for a minute (we hadn't seen one another in person in two years) and she seemed really happy to see me, but was in a hurry and had to go. I was also busy, and had a conference to attend over the weekend. I've been driving myself crazy keeping my feelings inside, and seeing her again brought everything to the forefront, to no avail anyway as she had to leave.After the conference, however, I sent her an email telling her that it was nice seeing her, but too brief, and that I would like to go to coffee with her. I wrote my new phone number in it as well. It's been a week now with no response, and I'm wondering whether I should send her another message just checking if she had gotten my first, or if I should take it as a sign that she's ignoring the email as it's pretty clearly asking her on a date, something that might make her uncomfortable.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): OP here, though I'm not sure it'll confirm it as I am not on the same system. Thanks for the replies guys. Still no answer from her, but I kind of expected that. Xearo, yeah, I normally wouldn't dream of asking a girl out over email, but my hands were a bit tied on this one. Captain, you're right, I DO enjoy her company and being friends, but I also don't like the soul crushing feeling of unrequited love. I've not yet decided whether to pursue this further as I'm not sure whether I want to take a chance on throwing away the friendship right now, as her living so far away wouldn't make for an easy relationship anyway. She will be moving back to town at the end of the school year as she's going to graduate, so maybe I'll save 'pursuing' her until then.
A
male
reader, Captain Teddy Bear +, writes (5 September 2012):
 It sounds to me that even though you wish to pursue a relationship with X, you still enjoy her company and being friends. While it may be hard since you're so attracted to her, this friendship may be worth preserving to you. Her delay in responding to you may be due to the fact that she was a bit uncomfortable with your previous email and is trying to figure how to deal with it. If you let it go and don't seem "too eager" and as if you're chasing her, she may give you the benefit of the doubt and presume your intentions were strictly platonic. If you have no intentions of remaining friends without involving in deeper relationship, then by all means chase her until you know for sure whether or not she's interested, but be forewarned, this may ultimately terminate the relationship.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (4 September 2012):
I don't think it is worth sending another email. If she is not even good at checking emails, I dont think sending another would make sure. Plus I dont think it is THAT hard to notice an email from someone if she did check. Either way, it is best to ask these things in person. An email isn't very personal and doesn't get passed a woman's barriers. I understand that you don't have much of a choice but mmmm hey at least you gave it a shot. Who knows maybe she will contact you. If you see her next time, if you make her laugh, ask her to coffee. And if she says yes then ask for her number.
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