A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I am not here to be judged I just need advise so please be kind..About 3 years ago I met this wonderful guy when I was in college,we started dating,let's call him blaine,so blaine and I we got into a pretty serious relationship and everything was going great until blaine was part of air crash,luckily he survived it but was completely broken and he was hospitalised,the doctors kept saying he would recover soon and I always had my hopes up but then weeks,months Past and blaine was still recovering,I used to practically live in the hospital but he was soo upset over everything he would not talk to me,snap at me for every silly thing he was never ever like this before the accident..I was left lonely,depressed,during this period I met a resident let's call him shawn, in the hospital who I got close to,and when I wld go late night to get a coffee he would accompany me we would chat for hours..and now blaine has recovered and I am soo thankful to god for that,he's gotten back to his old self now,but unfortunately I'v fallen out of love,all I think about is shawn..when I left shawn handed me a note with his number,the note said 'the time I spent with you was so special' and we did kiss passionately quite a few times but no sex..I want to be with shawn but I'm just worried if blaine would be ready to handle this?!I don't want to hurt me but being with blaine is killing me each day cuz he wants to make love to me,and I keep making reasons and running away cuz I don't want him..what do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): I think now he's recovered you won't be mean for leaving him, you fell out of love and that's normal, you don't have any obligation to stay in this relationship You were VERY supportive of him when he was in bad shape and now you don't fancy him anymore, even if you continue with him the relationship is already doomed, you're not in love anymore and no attraction, I think you should break up with him and pursue this new relationship with the intern if that's what you want, just be honest with Blaine... Fishdish did an important observation, I would only add that it's not very "nice" to hit on somebody else's bf/gf, if the intern didn't care about the fact that you were with someone else and still hit on you that says a bit about his character huh?
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (25 August 2012):
 I think if he's now in a stable place, then there's no reason to stay for him. You were probably tremendous support for him and needed you for recovery, but if he's not in that life-threatening position anymore, you have no obligation to still tend to him. I think you were incredibly brave and dedicated to be there for him at such an age, not all of us would. Now that he's more stable emotionally, too, hopefully he will be able to recover from this.
These kinds of traumas obviously take tolls on relationships, and if you don't talk about it while it's happening, it's detrimental to the relationship. That you talked to another man about it is somewhat troubling, but that's where it is. If you truly think you can't return to balanced place, somewhere closer to where you used to be, you've just seen too much and too many ugly things, you need to end it.
Some additional considerations before you cut the cord though: is it possible that you could recover from the trauma of seeing your bf go through this by him attending to YOU now, because you had to put your emotions and self on the backburner until his health returned. Also, how much of you wanting to break up is based on your guilt about the intern? If your bf forgave you for that, would it make a difference? It doesn't seem like it would, but these are questions to ask to make sure you're doing the right thing for yourself. Lastly, I find the intern's role inappropriate, unprofessional, and I would not go running off to him. What comes to mind, as an outsider, is someone who preys on another's grief. I find it unlikely that he is a trustworthy person, that he hasn't done this before, that he doesn't have others he treats like you, that he doesn't enjoy 'healing' people in other ways than medically. I don't question that he listened to a lot of your pain and didn't care, what I doubt is that he listened WITHOUT intent of getting with you to begin with. I would not be surprised if he blew you off if you called him because you don't need help anymore, you're fixed, you're not a pet project anymore. Some people look for charity cases. I'm sorry if this comes off harsh.
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A
male
reader, Morisco +, writes (25 August 2012):
Follow your heart and Be with Shawn. The whole story tells me that you really never loved blaine. If you stay with him it would just be more complicated. Leave be happy and let him heal, but first and foremost, have a conversation and be honest with him. You do not have to tell him how you met Shawn because that might hurt. Please feel free to contact me if you have a question.
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