A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am 24, I've just moved out. I have a job/career that I love and I'm really happy with that aspect of my life. However, I think I've sacrificed a social life to get to where I want/needed to be. I would say, I have three close friends in my City, they are all in relationships and have different work patterns to me.I'm lonely, I want friends, more friends, but I don't know how to go about it. I've spoken to my existing friends about this, they either can't or choose not to help. I work for myself, and although I get on really well with clients, it remains a professional relationship. I'm also single, and struggle to meet potential partners because I don't have people to socialise with. Another weekend sat in on my own, while my friends are out with their partners. I'm really struggling. Any help would be hugely appreciated, Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): OP..
Thanks very much everyone, really appreciate your help, advice and support. Feel a lot more positive about my situation.
Thank you
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 "what I really struggle doing is turning them into friends that I feel comfortable calling up out of the blue"
There's just one way: take the plunge and do it. Call them, ask if they want to meet up and do something (pick an activity before calling). Don't wait for them to take the first step.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Reserved here too and new its not as easy as people think to make friends,everyone has their own stuff going on. I started network events for newbies to my city,got 20-30 going to next one. Have you tried organising that yet? Got a scooter too and doin it up ready to Rally next year.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): OP Here..
I'm quite a reserved person, I have lots of contacts/acquaintances, what I really struggle doing is turning them into friends that I feel comfortable calling up out of the blue. I am trying.
Thanks very much for your help guys, it's really appreciated. I've tried a lot of what you've suggested, even setting up and running my own events.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Hi
Get a bike,cycle and join cycling club, they have plenty going on all over country ~ you won't meet anyone sat in your home.
Start a Supper Club? Just go to your local pub and chat? Go to a festival or see a band you like? Work in a Bar one night a week?
Lots you can do,its easier for men to go out alone, you dont say what your interests are or where you live so its hard to advise,but YOU have to take the first step then it won't be such a long winter
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 I think joining a gym or taking up a hobby is an excellent way to met new people. You can not RELY or expect your friends to set you up/entertain you, you HAVE to put yourself out there a little too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): Go take a language class. Helped me.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (25 August 2012):
So, is there a particular reason why you don't reach out and get in touch with people? You say you want to, but yet you're not doing it. You've got every excuse in the book, blaming it on career, studies, friends not willing to help you get more friends (since when did it become their responsibility to socialize you?) and working hours and clients.
You say you struggle to meet potential partners because you don't have people to socialize with. Well, thats a loop isn't it? Without people you can't meet people? But first you'd have to meet people... you can't say you need to already know people in order to get to know more people! If you already knew people then you'd have no need to get to know more.
The reason you're not getting to know anyone is because you're not taking any responsibility for socializing yourself. You halfway blame your already existing three friends for your situation! It's not their fault you're not reaching out to get in touch with people. Maybe you're a shy person, maybe you are afraid of taking the first step, I don't know. But what I do know is that you're not going to meet more people and make friends if you can't do it on your own. And you wont meet them by being dependent on your three friends to introduce you to new people.
Go out there. Introduce yourself. Chat up a woman in a bar. Get to know random people, your neighbors for example. Go out and DO things where you can meet people, instead of choosing to sit alone at home being dependent on others to "bring you" with them. You're not a dog who needs someone to take it out for a walk, you can go out and meet new people all by yourself.
It takes practice. But you wont get that practice unless you start training.
Sign yourself up for an activity, volunteer somewhere, join an online forum, join a political party, join a church, get a pet and join a pet-club, get engaged in the local community, and smile and be friendly to everyone and anyone.
People are going to be acquaintances for a while, and then slowly move over to being friends. It takes a little bit of time. But you need to start getting acquainted with people. A little trick is to memorize their names, that always gives a good impression.
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