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female
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*leepsWbutterflies
writes: my boyfriend and i have two small children. One is 16mo. and one is 2mo. He turns me down for sex, can't stop looking at other women, hides naked pics of other women and throws mine out. He lies about where he is. He goes out all night and doesn't come home and lies about it (staying at another girls house who is "just a friend"..a friend he's never mentioned before). He throws me around and shakes me when he's angry. He makes me feel like a second class citizen. as though i'm not pretty enough or good enough for him. he doesn't care about any sexy pic i give him, he wants to look at other women naked. i used to be so confident and think i was hot. i feel like an idiot. i would tell my friends "leave that loser. women are stronger than that!" but here i am...taking it. he has told me that if i leave he'll take my babies. also, if i leave, i don't know who he is exposing them to. but if i stay i hate life every day. i can't wait until he leaves for work so i can be alone. but i'm afraid of being alone because i just want to die. i contemplate suicide at least once a week. i'm not pretty enough, smart enough, good enough, thin enough, fit enough, sexy enough. i love my baby boys but hate my life. i feel stuck and just don't know what to do. he says he'll never change and i'm just tying his hands and trying to get him to conform....because i only want him to want me. i'm such a loser. what should i do. because i feel like i can't take any more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2006): Your boyfriend sounds like a classic abuser, and his violence against you will only escalate. Be very careful about how you leave, but don't be afraid to do so, he is a coward, all bullies are.
Try to get help from a woman's center in your area and make a plan to leave. You need help in this and need to remove the children from the home to a safe place and then yourself, or have the locks changed and call the police if he trys to return after you have kicked him out.
If you are contemplating suicide, you need to stop and think what would happen to your children if you did that thing...please see a counselor or therapist, you need support during this difficult patch in your life, and that is just what it is a patch, "this to shall pass!"
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female
reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (25 November 2006):
 Do you remember the woman you used to be, when you told your friends, "Leave that loser! Women are stronger than that!"? Do you remember the certainty you felt when you said this? The confidence you felt that you were right? Do you remember the woman you were?
... that woman is still inside of you. I really believe that. You are worth a million. You are damn special. You have two amazing boys and a whole, bright future waits for you and them together. You still have courage deep down inside you. Find it. Get out of the hole you are in. You are not a loser... look what you are about to do... you are about to walk into the world and start a fresh, new, bright life, for your sake and the sake of your children. You still have it in you, I know you do!
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (25 November 2006):
 Well, dont take any more. The first thing is, that it would be impossible for him to just take your babies away. This is a threat that cowardly men use to play mind games and control women in such a way that they will lie down and take the abuse. He clearly doesnt love you if he has threatened to take away all that is dear to you, nor the children wh he has threatened to take away from their loving mother. And you clearly dont love him. Well, the good news is you're not married, so no divorce is necessary, which will make it easier for you to leave him. If it's your house, kick him out! If it's his, just leave when he's at work.
The bottom line is that if you dont do it now, you probably never will, and therefore will risk the children being mentally and physically harmed by him in the future, which nobody wants. I get the feeling that you used to be a really confident woman, and that he has just completely killed your self belief. Well, this is where you can reclaim your pride and confidence. You can leave him, but you will have to be strong. Strong enough for yourself and your two boys.
I wish you all the luck in the world. Please let us know how you get on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006): Then don't take any more. You will attract the right sort of men when you make yourself stronger and start being smarter.
Please get some counselling. There are good programs in your city, walk ins, helplines. They will know what is avaialbe for you.
Honey, he doesn't sound like a very loving and supportive individual and this is posion for you and your children.
Time to take a long hard look at what will be best for you. Yes you, you need to be strong and healthy as this is what will bring peace and happiness to you and then you will be the best Mom you can be.
Please get some counselling and have to say it, kick him out.
Be tough, get strong, be smart.
*hugs*
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