A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey guys.im hoping to god someone reads this because im so down and depressed over this situation please excuse the length aswellok here goes a year ago a new guy started my job. i had just come out of an emotionally and occassionally physically abusive relationship which lasted 7 years and left me insolvent due to my ex bleeding me dry. as a result im in a debt programme for another 3.5 years-already paid 1.5 years. anyway back to the new guy. after such a crap time i wanted to be alone but i dont know why but i had really strong feelings for this new guy and was very attracted to him. he had recently split with his wife after she cheated. anyway we quickly became close friends and i liked him so much and felt the feeling was mutual. im even ashamed to say we flirted too-it was the first time i felt good in a long while and started looking forward to work.then came the problems i noticed he would say stuff that didnt sound right eg he has 4 kids from 2 women said he had money problems but then would come out with wild stories like he had 60,000 savings and property abroad. it didnt sound right and wouldnt do the job if he was that way but even though i felt he was kying i could never back it up and at times questioned my own sanity i stupidly had very stong feelings for him. in the past 5 months hes gone from being close to me to cool. he had a mini breakdown around christmas which i nursed him through and ive basically got him through all his first year work tests. he used to ring loads but now hardly ever. hes become cocky and criticises my work now. and hes started borrowing cash but not returning it once. i feel used. also every break im paying. im on a very limited budget-he knows nothing of my past. add to this im looking for a new job as i feel very undervalued. my managers always criticising me evn though im one of the hardest workers and lots of people on my team are lazy. im also ashamed to say i got this guy loads of gifts thinkin i could buy attention-i feel so sad.when i told him i was looking for another job he wasnt happy. so now what ? i feel a complete faliure-have no confidence and feel used and am hurt after everything. please advise
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christmas, confidence, debt, depressed, flirt, money, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tara maques +, writes (18 July 2010):
 I think you should go with your gut feeling any ways who knows what life brings to your door, thare are plenty of men out there and you should always make men pay for you after all they are the cause of our heart acke, pain and other feeling you want to add
you put your self first then others never let a man come on your way.
good luck
A
female
reader, GettingHelp  +, writes (17 July 2010):
Get rid of this guy.
Remember: never mix personal stuff with money and/or business. Never lend money to your future boyfriends and don't date people you work with every day.
He needs the door closed on his lying scrawny butt and you need to trust your instinct more often. SOmetimes you don't need proof about a person to know something is off. Trust your gut. Always.
If a pidgeon flies out of the way of a car that wouldn't have hit it, it doesn't think: "Oh I didn't need to fly out of the way." It thinks: "Yay, I'm alive!" And so we should be like that too, if you don't date the dude your instinct says is a liar/player/cheat etc etc think: "Oh yay I didn't date that guy who would have robbed me blind and broken my heart" don't ever think "I missed my shot at love." Because you didn't.
Leave the ones that your gut/instinct doesn't like alone. It always knows best.
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A
male
reader, mr toyboy +, writes (17 July 2010):
Cut him out of your life and take time to assess what you really need and dont jump straight into another relationship, you need some time to yourself, otherwise, you ll breakdown.
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A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye +, writes (17 July 2010):
Sounds like you have recognised your mistake. This guy sounds like a waste of space, cut contact as much as possible.
Things will improve in time and you have learnt a valuable lesson.
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