A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I tend to get depressed every once in a while, and one of the main reasons for this is because of my poor looks (face-wise, body-wise I look pretty decent). I have friends and acquaintances who are very good-looking, who have regular girlfriends and that just upsets me even more. I have a receding hairline, an excessively prominent cheekbone on one side, a strangely "chubby" nose and an unattractive smile. This is not just an issue of feeling good with myself. I recall reading a while back an article on Timothy McVeigh, the Oklahoma bomber. A fellow school mate described him back then as "a strange person, he had only one girlfriend in high school".Well, as I had had none, this left me feeling appalled and even more conscious of how lacklustre and wrecked my childhood had been.When I finished high-school, after years of having had no attention from girls, I was hopeful that things would change in university, where people tend to be more mature and focus more on personality and less on looks. I was wrong. Nothing changed, and I eventually realized that there was very little I could do about it. I do approach and talk to girls openly, and I have a lot of girl friends, but none of them are willing or want to go beyond the friendship. This situation eventually led me 2 years ago to try prostitutes (it's not illegal in the country where I live to solicit prostitutes), encouraged by an older friend of mine, who has similar problems with girls. This was positive in a few ways, as I finally gained a real working knowledge of what sex was truly about and it served as a sort of steam valve in which to take out my frustrations. It also relativized sex and made me less resentful and jealous of others who had an abundant availability of sex. While I'm very glad I did this, it did not solve all issues, such as every human's need to feel desired and a desire to try at least once a relationship. Most tellingly, when I do go meet a prostitute I tend to be more interested in hugging, cuddling, kissing, etc than in the actual sex act. As I feel unattractive I still get pretty down as I reflect on the fact that I am one of the losers of the genetic lottery.I'm still in my early 20s, so perhaps I should just wait a few more years until I'm in my 30s or 40s(women tend to downplay appearance more as the age factor starts to kick in), or just give up completely on ever having a girlfriend?Thank you in advance for any constructive comments or feedback you could offer me.
View related questions:
depressed, jealous, kissing, prostitute, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (1 March 2009):
 Dear Anon
If you do not feel sexy, you will not send those sexy vibes for girls to find you attractive. But of course you already know that.
Work on your self esteem, build your confidence first before asking girls out. Most of all, learn to love yourself the way you are.
Just because you do not have the face of a supermodel does not mean you are not good looking. If everyone liked the same type of person, we would all have the same face!
Try to change your social environment, Uni can be very competitive even when socializing with fellow students. If you see the same faces all the time, then there is no cause for change in your life.
Changing the scenery may help you find someone. Like going to a different library, get a part-time job, volunteer into a charity group or attend an extra class.
Going to prostitutes will not help you find companionship,only takes care of the sex.
In a way, it may even reduce your self esteem further, if you start believing that you can only be with a girl if you pay for it.
Personally, if a girl will not go out with you, because you are not considered to be an Adonis, then it is not a girl worth wishing for.
Beauty is within, easy to say I know but a relationship that lasts is not based on looks alone.
The right person is out there, may not where you go at the moment, just work on having fun and the rest will come.
Pensa positivo. It will happen.
Hugs
|
