A
female
age
26-29,
*ll I want is everything
writes:I am very young and i already loathe my body. i am not only pressured by all the skinny people in the media, but by how all the people in my family are thin and gorgous. i think i have a pretty face but fat thighs and stomich, flat chested and i just think my body is just plain abnormal. I dont want to get into any eating disorders but i dont have any support from familly or friends. i feel quite lonley and wish my dad were here to help me with all my insicurities. Its not that i am nessisarily extremely fat but my body just isnt pretty.I am a slow deleloper and it really annoys me. I know that since i am adopted i grow differently blah blah blah. I need some actual support and good advice. Its not only my insicurities about my body its also i am having a hard time goin through puberty in many ways mostly emotionally. i need support from real people who know how i feel and dont just say they do. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 Hunni at your age to be flat chested isn't a surprise. Give your body time to grow. We all have body hang ups. I hated my body as I was too skinny due to an eating disorder.
Can you talk to your mum or older sister or an adult female you feel close to about how you feel. You may find that your mum/sister felt exactly the same way as they were growing up.
xxxxxxx
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 Puberty sucks, plain and simple. There's nothing anyone can tell you that's going to make it a lot easier. What puberty really is is you becoming an adult, becoming your own person. For that to work you really do have to go on that journey by yourself. The only person who can teach you to be truly independent is yourself.
But perhaps I can tell you a few things that might just make it a bit more bearable.
- You are entering the most difficult years of your life when it comes to being a woman. Girls at your age, until mid / late teens, are the MOST bitchy and unfair when it comes to looks. It's ruthless. It's evil. As a guy, it makes me REALLY glad I'm a guy. The reason however, is because every single girl your age is feeling the same thing: that they are ugly and unattractive too. Even the most gorgeous thinks that. Trust me, I know.
Of course, no one will admit it, and all of you will spend ALL the time trying to show how attractive you think you are. And many will end up making up stories about boys, sex and so on to try to look as good as possible.
Remember one thing: there are two ways to look good. The first is to look good yourself, and the second is to make others look bad. The worse they look, the better you look by comparison. That is why girls are so mean about each others looks. It's a competition (well it's not really but it feels like one): breaking your opponents kneecaps is one way to win the race.
- Boys of the same age are (with very very few exceptions) emotionally a long way behind girls when it comes to relationships. You have to think of them as several years younger than you mentally to understand why they act the way they do. They really have no idea what they are doing when it comes to girls, but desperately want to seem like they do know. So they'll try to act all cool and say stuff that makes them sound experienced and knowledgeable. 99% of it is nonsense. They are all thinking about sex all the time and most are looking at as much porn as they can get (which with the internet in their bedrooms is A LOT). It's pretty frightening to think what a boy thinks about sex when all he knows is from internet porn. I'm sure you already know, but porn is nothing at all like real sex. Not even close. Unfortunately, they don't know that yet. So be careful!
Sadly this is a big problem for you girls: not only do you have a bunch of immature boys making stupid insensitive comments and so on, but getting a decent date is almost impossible. Most boys wouldn't know how to be an entertaining and respectful date until the ages of 16, 17, 18 and older. The problem is, they're not likely to respect a girl who is a few years younger than them and will probably treat you badly. This puts you in a really bad place until you reach 17 or 18. This is, by the way, one of the main reasons sex is illegal until you are that age: it's because boys have no idea how to be responsible about it until then. If you have sex younger than that you'll probably end up getting treated really badly and regretting it.
- The most important thing is to realise that high-school is not everything. Who is popular and who is not means absolutely nothing once you have left. In fact, what usually happens is that the popular people end up doing worse afterwards and the unpopular end up doing better. It's partly because they spent too much time trying to be popular and didn't study, but its also because they end up with big egos, and out in 'the real world', no one likes someone with a big ego. Once you are looking for a job, geeks get paid a lot more than jocks and cheerleaders. This is because geeks tend to be smarter, nicer and more interesting.
Do not feel that you have to fit with the stereotype of being girly and feminine. You'll feel (you probably do already) a huge pressure to conform to a very specific image: thin, sexy, short skirt, big tits, and not very smart. Keep your mouth shut, look pretty and make sure you have a hunky guy on your arm. Flutter your eyelashes and make sure you have a trendy handbag.
Think about that for a second... does that remind you of anything?
How about... Barbie? Basically you are feeling like you need to act like a stupid plastic doll. Lets face it, Barbie isn't known for her brains or her creativity. Or her job prospects.
School is the place to be creative and learn stuff. Don't feel you have to conform to that impossible and frankly lame image. Think about the things that interest you and try them. Whatever they are: photography, art, writing, design, music, whatever. You'll find that if you do interesting things then people will find you interesting (rather than just standing around pretending to be a cheerleader), and you'll end up making real friendships. Having just a few good and REAL friends is much more important than being popular. And doing those things in school is a great way to learn stuff and set yourself up for an interesting life when the hell of high-school finally ends. And thankfully, one day it will end. College is MUCH more fun!
By the way, my half-sister is exactly your age and tells me a lot of stuff. You're really not the only person who feels how you do. Good luck :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (23 June 2007):
 Awwwh Hunni, wen i was about yur age i felt the same! I felt overweight and hadn't much self-confidence - Puberty isn't a particularly pleasant stage of life to go thru, your body is constantly changing and you feel let down by it! But hun, once you're properly developed with your curvy hips and breasts you'll look at yourself in the mirror and say 'gosh, i look so good'. And hun don't compare yourself to your family wiv your figure - i agree with myp, you aren't fat! At this time of age when developing into a teenager, we get paranoid about ourselves - we fink we're fat, but we're not! Majority of girls your age feel this, you aren't alone! I reckon you have alot going for you, i bet you're a very pretty girl just feeling a little insecure about yourself - it's a stage we all go thru! So keep you're head up high and think 'I've got a gorgeous body and i'm proud of it'.
Oh ye, about the support issue - instead of trying to make your family understand you - try talking to a nurse at your school or perhaps an older sister or friend! Ders always ppl there for you hun, so don't get down about it! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, myp +, writes (23 June 2007):
 i understand where your coming from, puberty is hard. Your body is changing rapidly, and from what im reading i dont think youre getting fat i think your getting hips. Id like to clear one thing up though, thin does not = gorgeous. If youre in tthe 10-12 age bracket trust me breasts will come, along with hips, pimples and a slower metabolism. It happens to all of us, however people in magazines and on tv are not what you should be idolizing (unless youre thinking jessica biel, and beyonce). I hate to sound cliche but real women have curves and quite frankly they're a hell of a lot sexier than the boyish pre-pubescent bodies of todays anorexic models. When i was your age i was kind of wierded out that my butt was steadily growing rounder, and my chest hadnt even grown a cup size, i felt gross and misshapen. Nowadays im definitely balanced out and odds are youll balance out just fine too. Now that i look back on my early puberty years i realize i was beautiful and shouldve realised it then. If youre feeling down about your appearance find clothes that give you the look you want so you can be more comfortable in your own skin. Try to focus on the positive, if you dwell on the parts you dont like youll just end up hating yourself.Much love-Myeshamessage me if you want to talk :)
...............................
|
