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female
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anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been seeing my bf now for neally 2 years. I live with him in his house and have been doing so for about a year now. Thing is he is 19 years older than me, I'm 20 he's 38. He has his career, his house, lived his life etc etc so when he comes home from work at night he enjoys chilling out and relaxing. I feel that I want to go out and want to do things with mates etc. I love him to pieces but I know that our ages are getting in the way of us. I know he loves me so much and I know he wants a family soon but I'm not ready for all that yet. I guess were just at different stages of our lives. I know I need to let him go but this is the hardest thing I have ever to try and do. I don't want to move out but the more I hang around the less time he has in finding someone nearer his age and who has done all the things which he has. I am so upset over this, honestly I am absolutely heart broken but I know this is what I have to do, do you think I am doing the right thing? Has anyone ever gone trhough the same as me? I now know leaving someone is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, I love him so much but something tells me i have to do this, please help on some advice! xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): At the end of the day you are only 20 years old you have your whole life ahead of you and there is so much you can do with it, and if you dont get out and enjoy yourself and do all the crazy things you should be doing you will only regret it in later life. You may be in love with your partner but it it selfish of him to be with someone much younger and expect all the things from you that in your stage of life are not ready to give him. Leaving will be hard and getting over him will be even harder but in the end u can look at it 2 ways stay will this man the rest off your life stay in all the time never get thechance to go out and have fun and end up with kids in the near future, or do something for yourself and finish the relationship and do what 20 year olds do! live life to the full and settle down when you are ready not when someone else wants you to. In my opinion you would be doin the right thing by leaving it will be best for you! hope that helps xx
A
female
reader, stupid  +, writes (13 February 2007):
You are young yet...I know you know there are a lot of other guys/men you will and, can spend the rest of your life with. I am 53 my husband is 68 I am suffering, we have been together for 23+ years, I am very outgoing, I love gardening, my dogs, camping, fishing, laughing with the little bit of family I have etc. Him, football and, the newspaper. It did not start out this way, but over the years it has been a down hill slide. It does not bother him, but, it REALLY bothers me. His grandkids comes over guess who does the entertaining, cooking, cleaning, diaper changing, feedings, chasing the kids around him....nothing...You need to study him now, because whatever he is doing now, is going to get worse, he doesn't want to do anything now, why would you think later on in life he is going to want to?, if he did there is another whole new set of problems..He wants to start a family sure he does this will keep you at home slow you down, you have kids your partying days are done, as with your life, your child is your life now...you feel trapped now? It will only get worse...sorry for such a negative feedback....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): Im having the same problem.At the end of the day its down to compromise,You are happy to stay in with him most nights so in return he should respect that and go out with you even if its just one night during the week or at least let you have a life with your friends without you feeling guilty if you aint getting this and you feel your losing out then i would think twice about staying in the relationship and that is exactlly what im going through now so you aint alone.Being happy is the most important thing in life :)
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (13 February 2007):
 I think the age is part of it, at 20 you want to go out and hit the town, party and enjoy yourself and although he might feel like doing this sometimes, he might not feel he has enough energy during the week and is quite happy just to sit back and be with you watching TV.
On the other hand, you might just have different interests and it's only now coming to light, the more you get to know one another. Ask him to take you out one night during the week, if he constantly refuses and makes excuses saying he's tired etc etc then he's not taking your feelings into account and that's not cool. At 38 he shouldn't be over the hill yet, he still has a lot of living to do, whether he's that way inclined and likes the same things you do is another matter though....
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): Age is only a number, so that gap should not be a problem. The problems only lie within the people. some people can be really young at that age and vis-versa. I personally think you are much too young to think about babies and settling down, while he may think the time is right, for him! don't be made to settle down when clearly, you are not ready, you need to get out there and party. Tell him exactly how you feel. And don't worry about him not meeting someone his own age, that is his life to worry about, not yours. Get out there girl and PARTY!!!!
Take care and make the most of your YOUTH! We only live once
xx
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (13 February 2007):
 18 years is a large gap at your age. But if you love him as much as you say, maybe you can work it out?
I was 40 dating a 23 year-old, so I know the situation fairly well. At 40, I enjoyed going dancing, going to clubs, etc. . . and I still do. At 38, he shouldn't be ready for a rocker at the old folks home, and he shouldn't expect you to push his rocker. Tell him to get off his duff and take you out! Tell him just what I said. . . it's time to rock and roll, not rock the rocker.
If he doesn't see that you need to live a little, then I'd tell him it's time to part ways.
Good luck!
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