A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and have been together for 3 years now. The 1st month we were together of course we were so happy so happy that we got pregnant really quickly we met in December by January I was pregnant. He was happy at 1st was willing to tell everyone I was surprised of course having just met but I was happy too! So I told my friends and family and they were actually very supportive and happy as well.Well 3 weeks later he all of a sudden changes his mind he no longer wants to keep the baby and wants me to have an abortion, I had already told everyone and was happy and in my mind I was having a baby. He just changed from day to night he was begging me and begging me to have an abortion, but I never gave in so he decided to break up with me saying that I am forcing him to a baby he doesn't want, well we broke up for 1 day he quickly called me and said that he wouldn't feel right just leaving me so we stayed together. I was living on my own and I never forced him to move in with me but he made the choice to move in with me when I was 6 months pregnant and showing. Well right after we had the baby he was sooooo loving and caring and acted so in love, but now for the past year and half we are just not getting along he says that he will never forgive me for forcing this life on him he says, he hates me for ruining his life by having this baby he didn't want so soon, don't get me wrong he loves his son and would do anything for him, but I feel that the feeling of being forced to have a son when he changed his mind will never let him love me the way I want him to love me, we have tried to seperate but end up getting back together I we argue about the silliest things, my son is now 2 and I don't want him raised with angry parents Like I was, now my BF thinks I am so annoying that when I call him just to ask him something or just to give him a message he never answers his phone, he will get angry and leave for hours and just ignore me and it hurts to be ignored all the time he chooses when to answer my text or phone calls but if i did that to him he would go crazy.I feel like he doesn't care at all about making me happy so in turn I don't make him happy, I want to leave him but I am so used to him what do ya'll think? Do you think we will never fall in love cause in his head I ruined his life? In my eyes my life didn't begin till I had my son he is the best thing that has ever happened to me but should I just let my Boyfriend go?
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (16 January 2009):
 I think at the end of the day you didn't force your bf to stay with you HE made that choice not you. OK from a loyal standing he decided to give your relationship a chance and also stay for his child.
Let's be fair here, he helped you make your son and so he is 50% responsible for his child and you are the other 50%. He made the choice to let people know you were pregnant and then he got spooked. By that point you had come to the decision to continue with the pregnancy and to beg someone to have an abortion is in my opinion selfish from their point of view. It was your body and it would have been YOU that had the after affects of an abortion and also the emotional scarring that you would have faced as well.
A man can walk away but it just isn't that easy for a woman as the child is growing inside of them so the maternal instincts kick in and the bonding to the baby growing inside of you is so strong it is hard to switch that feeling off.
OK I am not saying the timing of you getting pregnant was ideal as you really hadn't had time to get to know one another so putting a baby into the dynamics of your relationship was a little premature but that's life I guess and no one can time these things.
He is possibly jealous of your bond with your son and you are now seeing a man who feels trapped. Tell him to walk away if that is what he wants - well my opinion anyway as the fact that he stays out of sufferance and your child will pick up on the atmosphere, it is better to break the ties now than when your child is older and sees the pain and anguish on your face. You experienced it yourself with your own parents and you know how that felt so make a stand and either YOU leave or you make him go.
Get your family to help you if you can and any support you can get from your government for single mothers as well.
This is now not a relationship but someone who is resentful of the fact that he feels he has to stay. It would be better if you had a contact agreement with him to see your son and spend quality time with him rather than you all living under one roof and having NO sort of relationship at all.
It is never going to be easy to end the relationship but the longer it drags on the harder it will be and if you let it continue you WILL end up getting very resentful and your son will see that. Make sure mummy is a happy lady even if it is only you and him. I know I have a much better life now than when I was with my ex and we are the best of friend's but we had been together for nearly 20 years so my situation is different to you as we planned to have our daughter.
Don't be treated like this any more, make a stand and also make a plan of what and how you are going to impliment it.
Keep us posted OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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