A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, This is not a romantic question, but it is bothering me. Some time ago I met a girl at my current institute (both of us are freshmen) and we became more or less friendly. Some time later, she and her friends invited me to move in with them next year (I was looking for a place to move off campus), and I TENTATIVELY agreed (I may transfer out of my school next year). They all seemed like quiet academic people like I am, so I felt that we could get along. The problem now is that as we have gotten to know each other more, I feel that she is using me and will not leave me alone. We have the same double major, and share 4/5 classes and are are lab partners in physics. When a professor in a math class announced that we could work in small groups, she immediately asked to join mine. I am quite honestly getting sick of seeing her every time I go to class. Also, she is frequently asking to borrow my notes, or asking me to bring her food the next time I go to cafeteria, or asking me to proofread something. I usually help her because I feel bad otherwise, but I am neither a teaching assistant nor a servant. I am exceedingly busy with my studies and find her both distracting and annoying.Also, I tend to be a fairly solitary person and do not like opening up to others, or hearing about others problems, and she constantly talks, and asks me questions about my life, which also annoys me.Are my complaints unfounded? How can I get her to leave me alone even a little bit or leave me room to talk to other people occasionally? Should I look for my own apartment next year despite the greater cost assuming I stay at the current institute?Thank you,AM Reply to this Question
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male
reader, philipgifts +, writes (22 March 2009):
 I think the proofreading isn't to bad, but to ask you to bring her lunch and having all the same classes together is a bit to much. With the notes I think is fine because some people just don't know how to take notes. She may like you, like wanting you to bring her lunch and I guese the proofreading, when she ask you again about the proof- reading tell her your to busy to read it and one of the other room mates could help her out. With the lunch say I'm not really feeling like bring you lunch anymore. I feel like I've brought you lunch a lot lately and I'm not going to be your servent any longer in this way. I'll give you my notes to barrow still if you need them, or you can print them out and let her copie them then get them later that day or evening. My opinon of her is that she likes you and this is a way for her to get closer to you. She has all your classes, had you discussed your classes with her before hand or tell her what you want to do for a living. Dont have lunch with her as much, eat a lone or go with one of your friends off campose. If you find her atractive or like her try to fix this mess, if not for that for your friendships sake. I say lay it out gradually to her and let her know some of her behavior is not exceptable. She needs to some what become acountable for her actions. If it doesn't work out try to make more friends, then more options may come available for moving and cheaper. Do it soon though, and make sure you dont get stuck in a party croud.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Yea, move away if you cant handle this. But as long as you are there, continue your support for her. In the future, you wlll look back and be really satisfied about helping someone unconditionally. Nothing gives meaning to life like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Basically, the only way to get her to back off is to move out, somewhere far away from her so she can find someone else to meet her need to lean on. You want peace and quiet and to focus mainly on your studies, she wants to study with a view to plenty of socialising
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