A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like such a loser. I'm 21, going to graduate from college soon, I don't have many friends there unfortunately because I have drifted from a majority of the ones I made there; I've tried countless times to make new ones by joining clubs, applying for jobs that would allow me to meet some new people, but nothing ever worked out mostly because of time constraints, being rejected, and because my college is notorious for being a very isolated place. I commuted for all 4 years, and that definitely did not make things easier, especially considering that I had a curfew, and I worked a lot off campus. But I have to reiterate that I did try to get myself out there, but I failed most of the time =/Every Friday night I stay home; I rarely go out and do anything interesting. All my high school and other friends from different places seem to have nice social lives, going out with their friends regularly, etc. I've never dated anyone, never kissed, I don't have a close friend like I would've liked. Sometimes in my head I think that nobody likes me, that I'm ugly, that i'm just not a cool person to be around. And now I'm so ashamed about graduating in May, because I'll only have a couple of friends by my side. I'm sorry for ranting, I'm too embarrassed to talk to about this with anyone I know. Thanks for reading. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): Listen. Before you can be loved, you must first love yourself. No person in the world can do that. Just you. It is you who is standing in your own way, sweetie. I suggest seeing a therapist in the event that you can't bring yourself out of this rut. It's ok to ask for help every now and then.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2014): Just a suggestion; see your doctor to be sure you don't have a progesterone deficiency. Many young women don't see their doctor or gynecologist as regularly as they should; and there may be vitamin deficiency, improper nutrition, and undiagnosed hormonal imbalances that cause depression.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014): You're graduating and not even your parents or any other family member plans to attend?
I think you should be spending more time reconnecting with your own family. No wonder you feel so isolated. You give no mention of family, and made a long list of woe is me! There has got to be at least one family-member you keep in touch with. If you're that distant from your family, you are not likely to be good at making friends.
Is your family dysfunctional? Are you estranged from your parents, uncles and aunts, cousins, and all your siblings? Are you an orphan?
You have a college-education. You have a brain; so you know there is absolutely no validity to the statement you don't have friends; because you're ugly. Unless you're ugly on the inside? Your attitude projects outward to those around you. They read it and respond to it. If you're withdrawn and unfriendly, you're ignored. If you're the wallflower at the party; everyone continues to have fun around you, as if you're invisible. They don't approach; because you send out signals that you're awkward. So they don't bother.
If you are solemn, withdrawn, and always depressed; people avoid you; because you're a downer. Not because of your looks. You let everyone know how much you don't like yourself. It's more obvious than you think. So love yourself first. Make friends with yourself. Embrace your imperfections, and don't judge yourself so harshly.
I don't believe a solitary word that you joined clubs and even made an effort. You just said that to make your post seem more desperate and pathetic. Effort always pays off.
Provided you are committed to your goal. A half-assed attempt doesn't cut it. There are seven billion people populating this planet; so there is no way you can't make more than two friends.
It's you. Not other people, my dear.
Why am I being so mean? I'm not.
I'm being tough, because everyone else is going to join the pity-party. I know better. You persevered through four years of college. Congratulations! You didn't give up, you pushed your way through. At least we know you're smart!
You want everyone to come to you, you don't want to exert the effort anymore; because you gave up after a few rejections. That is 99.99% of it!
You spent four years comparing yourself to other girls and nurturing your self-hatred. You had problems, and never once decided maybe you should see a counselor and get to the bottom of it. You made two friends, yet you are still at the bottom of drudgery and self-pity?
What do your two friends think about all this? Why do they like you? It's quality, not quantity when it comes to friendship anyway! They've stuck by loyally. So you've got something there going for you!
You've never been kissed; because of your self-hatred. Your self-inflicted self-esteem deflation project. I hate my looks, no one likes me. I'm a loser.
How dare you speak of yourself that way!!! You better like yourself. You've got a lifetime ahead of you, and you had better make friends with that person you look at in the mirror everyday. Watch how the world changes around you once you've learned to do that. Observe how your whole outlook will change and evolve.
My dear, there is plenty of time ahead to meet a guy. Your journey has only just begun. You will not live a whole lifetime without a kiss, or knowing what love is. You've put up too many shields to be approached. When they come down, you'll see who's waiting to get in. Life is a gift.
Make the best of it. The good and the bad.
You've put yourself down too much to be liked by anyone else. You're too isolated and shutdown from the world for anyone to notice you're even there. You probably predict how people will react to you, before they even notice you; so you don't even bother to say hello. Your eyes are probably lowered to the ground; so you never notice smiles coming your direction.
It's spring break. Where are you? Moping around campus?
Embrace life. You're only somewhere around 18-21! Young and so much to look forward to. Life is only beginning, dear heart! Some of us are late bloomers. We break out of a shell and suddenly the world takes notice. Just when we think all is lost. We find our niche. Our special purpose. I think it will only get better.
Someone broke your heart. Someone you really wanted didn't notice you, or let you down. I just sense it. You are holding back details. You just need sympathy. I'm sorry if you feel all alone. That no one is going to take time to celebrate your major achievement. That there are no loving arms to hold you when you feel like this. This is where your parents should come in.
No pity. I'm too proud of you, to feel sorry for you. You're a young lady who earned her degree. She's stepping out into the world, and she has the world by the balls. Show us what you're made of. Let them know, you're not a loser. You are the master of your fate from here on out!
Happy graduation kid! You've earned it! Blessings will come, wait and see!
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (4 April 2014):
 Please try to have more faith in yourself!
I am sure you are not ugly, nor boring. You have to change your mindset that's all.
Regardless of what a person looks like, if their mindset is of a positive nature, then many positive things will be introduced into their lives & yes, that includes friends!
Nobody really wants to be around a person who dislikes themselves & has a poor image/regard of themselves.
You are emitting these negative vibes & that is why you are having issues regarding friends, to some degree anyway.
Remember that your body language, is speaking louder than your words.
Perhaps you could talk to your GP, in private & ask he or she, what they would recommend.
It sounds as though your self esteem is not that great, so you may need to get that up & running before anything better will enter your life.
You should try sitting down & writing on paper, all the things that you love about yourself & all the positive qualities that you possess & be truthful to yourself.
I am certain that you will surprise yourself greatly!
Cheer up & try to remain optimistic!!
Life is too short, for you to think ill of yourself.
Remember, every single human being is a child of God, a child of the greater universe & every life is super worthy.
You are as important as everybody around you & you must tell yourself this, every morning upon waking.
Good luck & all the best!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 April 2014):
First of all, don't compare yourself to what people show you of their life online. Everyone is happier, more successful, and better looking online.
They control the pictures you see and the story you hear.
Second, you are obviously not in a good place for meeting new people and developing friendships. When that changes I'm sure your luck will too.
I'm not sure I believe you're ugly and boring, but even if you are, ugly and boring people find love and have friends too!
Try to find a job somewhere you'd actually enjoy living.it can make a world of difference. It can be hard to move, but where you live can really make a huge difference on how happy you are.
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