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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm really insecure and envious, help!Ok, in 2007 I started college. I was the star of my program, because I love what I do and it comes to me easily. My (older) sister had dropped out of Law School, and she took that year off. She wanted to study Literature. But my parents couldn't afford sending her away, and college here doesn't have a Literature program. The closest to that is English Education, which is what I'm studying. So she started my program in 2008.She doesn't really like it, but she just wants to get a degree so she can later get a PhD in Lit or something. Well, the thing is, she's stealing my thunder! It seems that she does everything better. And now, all my classmates and teachers are impressed with her and they constantly compare us. I feel envious, because she doesn't even like the program and yet she gets all the congratulations! People are constantly telling me how she talks more, writes better, has more ideas, etc. I feel second best. And I hate it, because this was THE thing I excelled in. I have no other talents that I'm outstanding at. In a way, she's taken part of my identity away.I know it's wrong to feel like this, but I have nothing left. What I hate the most is that I love Education, but she hates it, yet she's better! It's unfair. I have no other things to compensate, I'm not beautiful (I constantly feel bad, because there are so many gorgeous women out there and I'm so ugly... and I'm sure my boyfriend notices), I'm not very artistic (again, so many people are way better), I SUCK at sports, etc...I know, I know, "Grow up, get a life...". But I can't help feeling awful, especially when my classmates compare us... I've lived my whole life under her shadow (because I'm younger and we look alike, so I'm always told how I look identical to her, people mistake me for her, they call me her name, etc.). This was the only thing I felt secure about, and now I don't.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (31 March 2009):
 Sometimes in life, we appreciate the things that we have had to work the hardest for - Perhaps you could study law! LOL! But, seriously...
Many people change majors after a year of school. I'm sure there are statistics on this phenomena, but my husband and both my grown kids changed majors after one year, so it would be interesting to find out how many people do...
If you still are sure about your chosen field and your sister is cramping your style, I would talk to your Mom and Dad about going to a different school. Part of the university experience is becoming an independent and confident young adult, and that is certainly being hampered by the the unexpected presence of your sister on your campus. I'd let them know that this isn't working for you and that you are willing to move to fix it. I would do it this way because if you insist that SHE changes schools, it's just going to seem petulant and whiny on your part. Besides, your parents would expect you to indulge her presence anyways, because "she is your sister"* and "you love her"*. Don't get me wrong, I can see that you have a legitimate grievance, but I'm a parent and I can promise that this is how we think. *Even if us parents have issues with our own siblings, we expect our children to love each other unconditionally, because we raised them so well. So, I would offer them a solution to the problem when you bring up the problem so they don't have a reason to disagree with your feelings on the subject. You certainly have the right to a good university experience and I can see that this will probably degenerate and cause problems with your own self-esteem, let alone the damage that it will do to your relationship with your sister.
She sounds a little lost right now (even if you may be annoyed with her choices). Remember, years from now, long after you university days are over, you and your sister may be the only members of your family left, and you will want to still be able to be close. Take the higher road and forgive her for crowding you. She might have needed to be close to you after failing at her dream at law school...
I think a change of scenery, a new school and gaining your independence back would do you the world of good. Good Luck with everything. XXX
A
female
reader, ErinPatterson  +, writes (31 March 2009):
 you know I am the youngest too. I feel the same way as far as my elder sister goes. Ya know what I learned something I went back to school in 2007 for legal studies and for the life of me dont know why..I hated it when I got "out of the classroom" ..I now want to go for nursing and my sister is a nurse..she always proves that she is "better" than me and makes me feel like the ridiculous litte sister. Well I have learned to take a deep breath and say I am not her and she is not me. NO matter what occupation you choose you will bring your own personality to it..its tough to develop your own and not compare yourself to your elders..its like a thorn in your side that horrible sibling rivalry..the next time you feel as though someone is comparing you well I am sure it is because you allow it..don't allow it to be done..say well...laugh..just laugh at it and your worst habit will be doing it to yourself..how do you know your not as good at literature..you don't know because you are caught up in competition with your sister..I bet if you took a deep breath and allowed yourself a bit of enjoyment into what you are capable of and stopped comparing yoursef..you would be happier..just because someone is good at something it does bot mean they are happy..so sometimes what you see on they outside is not how they feel inside..so take deep breath, enjoy your studies for your own ability..and as hard as it can be..like yourself.
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