A
female
age
36-40,
*enficagrl3
writes:I am a 22 year old mother of a two year old, who just got a divorce with my daughter's father after a three year marriage. For the past five months I started a new relationship with a man who is ten years older than me but has been treating my daughter and myself like gold. He has treated us with respect and love and care for the time I've been with him. My daughter is growing fond of him and I believe him of her. He also went through a divorce about two years ago and has two children of his own, who he has seen or talked to in about three months. Over that three month time he has become close with my daguther and watches her while I'm at work and takes her shopping, everything a father is expected to do. (which I should mention that her own father hasn't made any effort to see or hear from her since the divorce). My boyfriend's kids have recently came back in the picture about a week ago and now all the time that he was watching my daughter he basically wanted me to leave her with her other sitter instead which I understand because he wants to be with his kids. My question is I'm wondering if this is going to lead to a bad path. I feel as though he will never spend time with his kids and my daughter together. There seemed to be a distance between the two. ON my daughter's birthday he bought her a big ride on car and some other things, he told me to take the car home right away so that his mom wouldn't see it and ask him why he bought it for her and nothing for his own kids. I feel that me and my daughter are in the way. No matter how good his family and he are to me and my daughter, they are not her family and it's heartbreaking, I don't know what to do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2008): Give it time, and show some interest in his kids too. It may still be unclear to him how you can accept his kids in your life as well. Try to suggest activities where your kid and his can share play time or invite his kids over to know your child better.
Let not his guilt or yours get in the way. If you're looking into having a long term relationship with this guy and family harmony is top on your list, then both of you have to work on achieving this. Blended families take a while to work, it has something to do with bringing out the best in your children and making them appreciate each other.
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