A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Six months ago we went through a rough patch and I moved back in with my parents (100 miles away). Not trying to sound like a victim here but I was treated pretty badly by my b/f prior to me moving out so us being apart has really been quite good for me. We have stayed as a couple throughout this though and I think our relationship is better now than it has been in ages. However, I am starting to feel that maybe I'm too young to be in this relationship. I'm only 22 now, my fella is 24. I have had a lot of attention from other guys since our split and I have to admit I'm tempted. I'm not a bad person but I find myself wondering if it really would be bad to see other people whilst we are living apart. I feel terrible for thinking this way but I can't help it. I love my b/f very very much but I feel that maybe we have settled down too quickly, I want to meet new people and experience other relationships. But in saying that I don't want us to split, I really do love him. I suppose what I'm asking is would it be really wrong of me to explore this other side of the coin to see if I really want to be with my b/f for life? I just don't know what to do... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): If you feel like this then you are definately not in love! You enjoyed being apart! No - i think you should put a stop to this now for the sake of your sanity. Walk away and don't go back
Take care
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): Hi, dear..I concur with DreamMaster. I think what you should do, is come clean and take a break with your bf. It is dishonest and unfair to him to keep him hanging while you want to explore other dating opportunities. He needs to know how you feel. But you can't date him and date others, behind his back. You can't have it both ways, hun. At this point in your life, you may not be feeling the committment level, needed to keep this ongoing. Sometimes, young folk need to experience life to the fullest, spread their wings and have some time for self-discovery. They need time to live alone, find their own rhythms, date a variety of people, develop new friends and interests, learn how to live, totally and independently on their own. These are the ways young people learn who they are and what makes them unique.
This is a process most young people go through and need to get to that "committed and settled" phase of their life. As tough as it is for you and him to break up, you need time on your own, flying solo..being alone. You will have to let him go, if you want that. I completely understand your feelings.. dating other people and the more practice you get, the better you''ll get at making decisions about life, in the future. But it's better you do this now, and work through the options than not experience it. Some people never do this and the years go by, they end married to the guy and have two kids and wish they had experienced the single life. And when one is married with two kids, a house, a mortgage, your options will be lessened a great degree. So I would suggest you do this, now--get out and experience life but respect your bf enough to be truthful about how you feel. Who knows, you and he may hook up again, down the road. If you two are meant to be..it will happen. Take care , dear.
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A
male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (24 April 2007):
 Hi,
You can’t tell me that you really do love him, but yet you want to meet other people. It doesn’t make sense. If you really love him, then you would not want to meet other people; no one else would be able to tempt you.
So I have to assume that your ‘love’ is something less – perhaps comfort, perhaps reliability, perhaps you have a long history together and a strong bond because of that – but I don’t think it is full blown love, or you wouldn’t be on here asking us whether we approve of you cheating on him (if that is what you are asking).
We don’t get details of his bad behaviour – but if you are saying that being 100 miles apart is good for your relationship – then that is not a good sign. I know ‘absence should make the heart grow fonder’ and all that – but that doesn’t seem to be happening here.
You are not a bad person (yet), but I would have to say that seeing other people while you are living apart is being dishonest. You are leaving him hanging on. I can understand why you would do this – but it is not the right thing to do.
It is not wrong of you to explore the other side of the coin – you have every right to do this – but you need to be clear with this guy that you want to take a break from the relationship so that you can meet other people.
If you do that – your conscience can be clear.
I am not sure if I can advise you whether to actually meet other people or not – since I am not sure how honest you are about loving him.
Why don’t you try to imagine him being with another person… What if he stays with that other person… How does that make you feel? If it makes you sad then reconsider. If you are not bothered then go enjoy your new freedom.
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