A
male
age
51-59,
*arianovolpe
writes:First of all, I give my excuses for my English. I am from Argentina.I got married 3 years ago when I was 44 and my wife was 42. We met each other one year before our marriage.The thing is that I am extremely jealous of her sexual past.She insist that I am her best lover, she says that she never felt I bed the things she feels with me. But I do not believe her.She has had 25 sexual partners (from hers 23 to hers 41, when We met each other). She also told me that one of her sex partners was extremely well endowed (I got only 5.5 inches). She never had vaginal orgasms with me (she says that she" practically" is not able to have them). On the other hand I have spoken with many, many women who says that a good size together good sex skills, are the best combination.I feel frustrated. I know that she loves me, but I can not stand the idea of not being the better to her. There are men like me, feeling something similar?. And for the ladies: I know that there are other things for compensate the lack of sex skills (I must say that I give her a really good oral sex, as a matter of fact, this is the only way that she reach orgasms), but your opinions will be worth for me too. Thanks
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jealous, my ex, oral sex, orgasm, sexual past, vagina Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Marianovolpe +, writes (1 December 2012):
Marianovolpe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all, guys! You have been very kind.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): Try this if it helps: Think of her as a property. Your property. YOU are the one who owns her now. Who cares if somebody else owned her before? They are gone. Now she belongs to you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 November 2012):
 of course you could be the best because when you love someone, it makes sex 1,0000 better.
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A
male
reader, Marianovolpe +, writes (29 November 2012):
Marianovolpe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate your words! Maybe my lack of trust in her is that she does insist I am her best lover when it seems obvious to me I am not. I know that she does not want to hurt me, but in my head it is necessary to me that she is honest with me. Really, do you think that I can be her best lover after 25 previous men? I would be ok if she tells me "ok, you are not the best in bed but you are in so other many things" or something like that.
Do you understand my point? Best Regards
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A
female
reader, Roxypuss  +, writes (29 November 2012):
I have a partner we're open and I work as an escort which he except but obviously I sleep with a lot of men, not one of them has been better than my partner. She choosing to be with you if you were rubbish she'd say or help you be better there is more to a relationship than sex and it is that 'more' that makes the sex better, she can truly relax with you she knows you love her for more than sex, it just feels different when you love someone you look into there eyes and it makes you feel fuzzy. Many girls can't orgasm from intercourse alone, she may just be incapable even with you as her lover it'll do with the positioning of her prostate. A lot of my clients expect me to orgasm by them prodding me with their fingers, a woman needs gentle coaxing and may take a long time, also much like when you masturbate she's probably better at masturbating herself so what her movements and be attentive that is what makes the best lover not one that puts her under pressure to have more orgasms to make himself feel good but one who wants her to feel good.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2012):
Why can’t you believe her? Do you think she lies about other things?
personally, I think this is YOUR Problem in YOUR head.
you need to trust her...
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A
male
reader, Marianovolpe +, writes (29 November 2012):
Marianovolpe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate your words! Maybe my lack of trust in her is that she does insist I am her best lover when it seems obvious to me I am not. I know that she does not want to hurt me, but in my head it is necessary to me that she is honest with me. Really, do you think that I can be her best lover after 25 previous men? I would be ok if she tells me "ok, you are not the best in bed but you are in so other many things" or something like that.
Do you understand my point? Best Regards
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A
male
reader, Marianovolpe +, writes (29 November 2012):
Marianovolpe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for all your responses. I would like add some info.
Among her 25 ex lovers, only one was of long term (5 years, and very likely her best lover), the rest were ocassional affaires and one night stand.
The guy before me had a relationship of only one month and she have him her apartment keys in the first week ( she gave me her keys after 3 months)
Obviously there were people who generated important things to her faster than me. The problem is that she denies these facts. Another example is that there was a time where I asked her to make love in the car and she did not want to do it, some time later she told me that she had sex in a car with her ex boyfriend. She insist I am her best lover and this is what make me think that she is lying and that is why I can not trust her
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2012):
OP thank you for the follow up… I can address your points…
1. Giving keys to the man before you after a week and you after three months may mean a couple of things…. 1. She learned her lesson with the last guy and didn’t want to rush it with you, or she was a flash in the pan with him and it was fast and hot and she thought it was love early on… with you it grew and became the slow long hot burning forever love that leads to marriage. I’d rather have that than a flash fire any day of the week.
2. Just because she had sex in a car with a former lover does not mean it was good or she enjoyed it. She may have done it to see what it was like (it sucks to be honest why would grown ups have sex in a car if they have a home to go to?) and found out she hates it.
3. She say you are the best and yet you think she is lying… because of her past… I think you need to consider some therapy to work on this retroactive jealousy. It’s a term I learned here at DC and I find it sadly to be very common among men (not so frequent with women so I wonder about this).
I really feel bad for you and your wife. She’s doing her best to tell you the truth and you refuse to believe her. She’s your Wife she married YOU. If she wanted someone else she would have married someone else.
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A
male
reader, Marianovolpe +, writes (29 November 2012):
Marianovolpe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for all your responses. I would like add some info.Among her 25 ex lovers, only one was of long term (5 years, and very likely her best lover), the rest were ocassional affaires and one night stand. The guy before me had a relationship of only one month and she have him her apartment keys in the first week ( she gave me her keys after 3 months)Obviously there were people who generated important things to her faster than me. The problem is that she denies these facts. Another example is that there was a time where I asked her to make love in the car and she did not want to do it, some time later she told me that she had sex in a car with her ex boyfriend. She insist I am her best lover and this is what make me think that she is lying and that is why I can not trust her
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012): for a woman her age, sex is not the first priority. she needs someone to settle down with.I guess you haven't had many sexual partners. So let me share a little secret with you: WOMEN DON'T LIKE LARGE PENISES! Women can humiliate men by making fun of their penis size. They know how insecure men are about their size. But it doesn't mean that women want large penises. In fact, they prefer an average penis. A long penis will hit her cervix, which hurts. A thick penis hurts the opening of her vagina.Let me tell you a story. Once I helped a lady friend hire a male escort with a large thing. She was too shy to call the agency so I made the calls and arrangements. She seemed so excited when I left her with the escort in her apartment. The next morning I called her to see how it went. She said the guy was very gentle and nice, they did it once and no more. then she asked me to give her a ride to the pharmacy! (Nothing serious, she just needed an ointment because she had a mild burning feeling)So, me Argentinian friend. Go to your wife and live happily ever after with her. She chose you after trying 24 others, so you must be more special than them.Just one last word: be confident. An insecure lover will not turn a woman on. Believe in yourself, dominate her a little, and she will worship you.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (29 November 2012):
I absolutely agree with Eddie. This is obviously a woman who had other possibilities to get married, but she chose to be with you, so I am sure she says the truth about being very happy with you.
I can't have a vaginal orgasm and that doesn't depend on penis size. I know some women who care about penis size and others who really don't or prefer average size. It's like big boobs, some men find it very important and some men don't.
Why do you make yourself unhappy by imagining her having had more fun than with you in the past? This fun that she had obviously doesn't matter to her now. Sex is about mutual pleasure and fun, a way to get intimate. We women very often don't see it as a sport and as something where men have to prove their skills.
What I want to say, it's not about the best performance. It's not like a competition. It's something that you do together with the woman you love (not against the other men that she had!), to spend time and express your feelings. If during sex you always think about your penis and your performance, then you're not with her and you miss the joy of intimacy.
As a lover, I can easily forget about small penis size, occasional erection problems or something like that. What really makes a bad lover is when I feel that he doesn't care about me, that he doesn't desire me.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 November 2012):
 IF you choose to let her past define your relationship.... THEN, I assure you that you can scuttle anything good that might have happened.....
Why not try to forget what you know about her past?.... and get on with your's and her's future?????? I could work!!!!!!!!!
Good luck....
Via con Dios....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2012):
Listen to me...
my first husband was very well endowed. it HURT. I hated it.
My current husband is on the small size of average like you and it's PERFECT...
FWIW, MOST women do not orgasm from penetration (less than 30%) alone.... and many can't manage it with a partner at all. I can't with my current husband... but that does not mean I don't love him and want him... and that I'm not satisfied. I am.
you give her oral sex and bring her to orgasm... trust me you are the best she ever had and she's not lying.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (29 November 2012):
 I think you've got to go on what your wife is telling you. You'll drive yourself crazy if you continue to think that she is tolerating your "shortcomings".
Let's look at the facts: she married you. That says a LOT. She obviously has had many suitors and potential life-long mates. The fact that sticks out is that she chose YOU. That's got to mean something -- in fact it should mean a lot to you.
Another fact: most women can't orgasm through penile penetration. Just because your woman is in the majority, doesn't mean you are less of a man or you are missing out on a magic penis. She can't orgasm through penetration. Quit dwelling on it and move on. What is important is that you do sexually arouse her AND that she is able to have an orgasm -- whether manually or orally. Many women would kill for a lover who thinks of their pleasure first.
Finally, your size is about average for most males (at least from what I have read). Don't get hung up on size.
Quit talking to other women about what they want out of sexual relationship! They have NOTHING to do with the woman you married.
Half of a positive sexual relationship in marriage is the emotional bond that you two have. She wouldn't have married you if you didn't have that magic or chemistry. I think that should give you a lot of confidence going forward and that is really the crux of your problem: confidence.
You have nothing to be ashamed of and a lot to be proud of. Let that sink in....
Eddie
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