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female
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*niquebeauty4life
writes: There is this guy that I am deeply attracted to even though he doesn't feel the same about me. There are times that i did feel like maybe, just maybe but everytime i seem to be wrong. I have been trying my hardest to forget all about him and he often makes me mad but no matter what happens, i can not stop myself from liking him even more. I need advice on how to forget him and just move on with my life. Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): I thought I was suffering all alone with this, but I have the same problem. Only I slept with this guy for over 6 months and when I told him how I felt all he could pretty much say was that maybe what I was feeling wasnt real.. NOT REAL?? I dont think I was hallucinating!! And when I see him out at night this rage comes over me and I feel the need to text him and say horrible things and regret them terribly the nxt day, and 2 make matters worse he forgives me and still wants to talk to me.. Well that was until the last time I did it and now we barely even look at each other. Maybe he was sending me the wrong impression, but hes not the only guy I've been with.. But hes the only one who makes my heart race and the only one I want to be near. And I think Ive ruined it completely. Hes all I think about and now all I want to do is forget about him and its not an easy feat... I dont think my situation would help you. But I think the only way we can all get through it is to move on, They say nothing gets you over an old one like a new one!! =)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): I No How U Feel....I Loved Dis Guy So Much But He Lykes Another Gurl...I Try 2 Move On But I Just Cant...I Neva Felt Lyke Dis In My Whole Life....Well My Advice 2 u is 2 jus forget him there is plenty bois that lykes u u dont even no.....so CHEER UP....
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): man, i feel the same way, every time i am near him, i dont want to ever leave, if its meant to be, it will happen, good things take time! if your not destined to be together, youll find someone that loves you with alll their heart!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): Im in the same situation right now..I met someone random on facebook and got talking to him. We became close really quickly and started sharing details about our lives and problems but the strange part is that I haven't even met him! It's been over 2 months now and we still haven't met even though we talk on the phone everyday. I only live 45 mins away from him. I've made many attempts and efforts to meet him but something or the other always comes up from his side. I'm starting to wonder if really does like me or not even though earlier I thought he reciprocated my feelings. I have began to realize that he has lost interest in me now which is heart breaking because I really thought that there was a connection. But you have to realize that you cannot make someone like you or love you no matter how much you want that person to feel the same way. At the end of the day if you are hurting, it's best to let go. Life is too short to wait for someone who doesn't feel the same way about you... maybe they never will. So my advice for you is to let go and try to forget him. I know it's easier said than done but that's the only way. That's the way life is. I tell this to myself everyday and I'll say the same thing to you. It might sound corny but I strongly believe that there is someone out there made just for you . You just got be strong and patient and believe....I know in time everything will be okay. You will forget HIM...and so will I :) Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): hi all..
i typed 'he doesn't feel the same way' in google and came across this column... the boy i really like is the younger brother of my close friend... he's three years my junior, 20, and is ridiculously attractive... think of an armani exchange model.. but he is naturally attracted to the opposite of me... he likes them younger, naiive, naturally blonde and plain (no make up sporty types) and sweet... i'm older, a university student, brunette, smart and often humorously sarcastic, curvey and look 'exotic'.. actually look like a curvier, shorter version of jessica alba, and although he thinks she's really hot, he likes the types of 'kristin cavallari'... EW. anyways... he's a really good boy, fun, makes you laugh, outgoing... but the problem is, he associates me with his brother (who is gay) and they don't get along... so me being his brother's close friend totally works against me as well. he rarely speaks to me or smiles when i'm over... and he can get a LOT of girls, but he's not at all the player type. a virgin like me, that's another thing i like about him. but the thing is, although i was slowly starting to forget about him (out of sight, out of mind)... i saw a recent picture of him kissing another girl and i was in dead shock for about 2 min...
now to your question...
the thing is, liking this boy taught me a LOT about myself... i found out, for example, that it's not just him... it's any boy that looks like him... i like his eye shape and colour, his haircut.. and i like that in any other boy i see... so conlusion number one: lotsa ppl that look like him, so i can move on to them..
later i found out that i'm attracted to his subtle cockiness... he's been ridiculously attractive all his life... his brother (my friend) ACTUALLY looks like a 22 yearold brad pitt, even hotter actually... the whole family's blessed... conclusion number 2: it was a bit of intimidation that i mistook for attraction. once i lost weight and grew out my hair and really took my appearance seriously, the fact that others paid me SO many compliments made me more confident.. in turn i acted more confident in front of him (subconsiously) and he treated me back well in return...
i found that a part of my insecurity stemmed from the fact that i thought i'm physically not in his league.. now that that is almost fixed, i'm more ok with him not dying to strike up conversations with me... the point is, the positive changes in me (physical and mental) made me happier and more confident, so whether or NOT that changed how he felt or thought or acted towards me, i cared less than i would have...
i'm a psychology major, almost done with my degree, and what i say to you is scholarly, as well as experience... you cannot choose who you like... you can increase the likelihood by hanging around certain types of ppl, but who you actually fall for may or may not fit the standards you initially had in your head... don't think beforehand.. don't picture a certain guy as your boyfriend cause then if mr. right comes along, and he doesn't quite look like who you thought, you might discredit him...
one advice my dad gave me after my devastaging heartbreak episode in highschool was this, and it has DRAMATICALLY influenced my life:
'make decisions based on logic, not emotion'..
it's good to feel, wonderful to feel, but making decisions should NOT be based on feelings (and feelings and intuition are diff, remember :)... ) once your emotions fade with time, you're often left with "that was stupid of me" or some sort of regret, shame or guilt.. unless of course you got lucky that time.. but when you make logical decisions, at first you feel iffy, but later you're happy you made the right choice.. it's like doing your homework RIGHT after class (the idea makes you cringe) but imagine it's friday, 4:40 pm, and you're DONE w/ hw and can go party it up! instead of feel the guilt till sunday at 1 am, having to do it before class next morning.. :)
with love it's not as easy, but think. think think think.. your brain is your BEST FRIEND... i find writing things down really helps... as i type this to you, i'm figuring things out myself.. i'm not as sad as when i started writing this, cause things are starting to jump back at me off the screen with insight, what III wrote!
if the relationship isn't serious, the logic is, plenty of fish in the sea... don't waste your life, cause 14 minutes ago will NEVER come back again.. go and live life and enjoy it.. imagine the time before you met this guy.. you probably thought the guy before him was really special and 'the one'.. and you NEVER thought another would come along in this shape n form and time and place that is even more tempting to you!
there WILL (not might) will be another guy MUCH more suitable for you. and he will love you back as much as you love him... it's basic probability...
of every, say for me, every 1000 guys i walk by at the mall, 400 are in my age range, 150 are cute, 35 are REALLY cute, 14 make me wanna DIE! and if they are in my league, 3 or 4 out of those 14 is BOUND to find me hot too. and i only need one ;)
point is go OUT and put yourself in that guy's path... if he walks by aldo, and you're not there for him to fall for, he won't! :(
if a guy is perfect for you, and you love him so much, and he doesn't feel the same way, well guess what, he's not perfect for you LOL... find one better.
if a guy is out of your league, either lower your standards (i refused, so i lost weight and got hot) or raise the bar for yourself :)
if all is well and dandy, but he just doesn't feel the same way, sit down, write his pros and cons, come to terms with it on paper, make a firm decision, and move on.
me, i found out i want this guy to find me hot, cause that's the most i can have from him since i'm not his type.. so WORST case scenario, he'll think i'm hot.. he'll think it cause i'm better looking than some of the other girls he's said he finds really attractive... he, of course, won't say it to my face, but he might to his buddies, and will for sure think it...
i dissected this guy in my head, and revised my expectations from 'i want him as my boyfriend' to 'i just wanna makeout with him' to 'meh, as long as he thinks i'm hot, i don't care, cause this is about my confidence, not having him'... so he can kiss whoever he wants on facebook... i can't mourn the romance b/w every guy that doesn't want me and wants someone else! and he can't force himself to feel bad for me... he feels bad, but not enough to fall in love with me, that's silly!
sweetie, this was mostly cathartic for me, i was trying to help you as well as myself, and i've done the latter... i hope things clear up for you sooner rather than later (cause believe me they will)... look at your crushes over the years and you'll see that it might be bad, but it's better and will keep getting better..
i don't know you, but i feel you luv. best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): I think I was in the same boat as you honestly;
I had this stong attraction for a guy but chances of him returning the same feeling eh well.
1.Often times the solution seemed to be a bit hazy when you are in the midst of the hurricane you are in, and so maybe you acting alone would not help. You need to have good friends there to support you and surround yourself with people that intrigues you; they are not in the storm with you so probably they can help you see clearly and safely steer you out of this. It's similar to how when you are really drunk one night and you think you could still drive but your sober friends know you cant..and so often times you rely on them to drive you home. This is quite similar.
2.Also if sometimes when you get hurt and you don't really express or show your emotions alot....which you could probably do sometimes... I suggest you to cry all the hurt out Yes I ENCOURAGE you to cry this all out with all your might...say what you feel and everything, just go bizerk. Do this when you're by yourself to be on the safe side lol. Crying is one of the ways to release trapped up emotional tension and maybe then this could be one of the steps to mutually depart from him without all of a sudden being wrenched away from a pleasant dream or 'haze' you are in...I've been through this. It could work. Dont be afriad to cry these emotions out.
3. You could try talking to a psychotherapist about this.
4. This last one is also my favorite as it is very useful. This tool is a self-help, no friends involoved; just you and your mind.
You see the mind is a very powerful thing-just recently I learned that whatever you have in your mind often times creates your reality. Knowing this and being able to manipulate this gift can do wonders. This is actually a universal law, if you watch a tidbit of 'The Secret' here: http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=3991473
If you haven't already known this
So, with this said, set aside time for yourself and visualize for the better.
Maybe you can't change his freewill to like you or not, but you can change things for yourself in your mind to cope with it better. With viusalization you can do several things:
a) Visualize you actually mutually forgetting about him. In your mind see the place where you and him meet again , the temperature of that day, feel the ground beneath you. Feel how the atmosphere is, or how you want it to be. Feel that he is smiling at you and you feeling happy and excited that you are telling him that you are finally moving on with your life-then next think of the next best thing in your life that makes your life worth livng and viusalize that manifesting, and that is the reason why you are leaving memories of him behind. The key thing here is visualize whatyou will, only that you visualize things how you want it to turn out and make it 'real' as possible.
b) What next could make you happy? Finding another guy that is equally as attractive? Visualize that set the mood feel this guy's skin, his temperature and all that good stuff..see clearly how he looks like in your mind...
and see him coming to you..observe all the details in your mind.
c) Or maybe you could try visualizing that he find other qualities aobut you that is attractive, it COULD be that he's not attracted to you because you feel like you don't deserve him which is your mind at work making your tohughts become reality. Try visualizing that he likes you...maybe he might, but if he naturally was not meant to be the guy for you meaning that he might seem attractive in the beginnig but as attraciton wears out and it came to be that he actually wasnt the guy who is a close personality fit with you...maybe try viusalizing the next best guy to come as I described in section 'b)'to keep from wasting the life and fill it with goodness.
If you are very serious about this I'd say set a time, maybe 5-10 mintues everyday or three X's a week or as frequently as effort permits you, and then all would be good!
Couple this with all the other stuff I told you about anf viola! You will be on your way to recovery!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): We had a big bust up last week and this should have changed my mind completely about him and for a few hours i thought it did but the second day, i realised that i still felt the same maybe even stronger now but he just won't even talk to me anymore and i feel so stupid for taking away anything that might have developed between us away, even if that is nothing, talking to him just made me happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2006): I am also facing the same problem. I can say without reservation that I love him and that I am in love with him too. I have told him I like him several times and he has always politely said he is not interested. Daytime is not so bad but nightime the madness takes over...What is the compulsion that makes me want to now tell him that I love him? He can not even look me in the eye anymore I have bothered him so much. Can he not see that my heart is breaking? Is all of me just not enough for him? Sorry I can not help you with your question. I have been trying to forget for 9 months with no success.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2006): I have also loved from afar however, a relationship like this will go nowhere unless you make your felling felt. You may be rejected and this will be hart braking but at least you will know for cretin what is on his mind and this will help with the decisions you will have to make. Good luck
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reader, katzkitten  +, writes (16 July 2006):
 I am currently faced with the same problem and have tried many ways to get over my guy. The best i found is to get back out there and do some boy shopping. You'll find someone new and most probably better and as an added bonus he mighnt feel jealous.
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