A
female
age
41-50,
*NG3L3Y3S
writes:Hi everyone. Please can u help me! I am at an age where i should no what i would like to achieve in life however i dont. I feel so unintelligent sometimes and it is really depressing. I m intimidated by people i think that maybe its to do with my lack of confidence. I am frightened to have conversations with people due to the fact that maybe i may say something completely wrong. I dont no why i feel or even think this way, i am always so paranoid.Got married at the age of 20 and i am now 24. I do no that the only person that can help me, is me. i just dont no wat to study i am currently studing Tourism but i think i am losing interest. Lots of women my age are well into thier careers and i feel so stupid and incapable. I ve tried focusing on areas that i am interested in but it is difficult. In the next 6 yrs ill be 30 and i am so paranoid. Is there anyone who s in a similar situation as i am? Please help me thanx much lv
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female
reader, alice kh  +, writes (6 July 2010):
I know this is a really old thread, but I just saw it, and I'm thinking the same things at 30. I have a 'job", just under broke, and no career to speak of. Never saw how to afford university before, and took a USELESS college diploma.
I'm lucky to have some idea of where I want to be, /should be doing, and that's teaching.
Anyway. I once read that if you get out pen and paper.. not typed.. you may have to do this exercise for a few months, but keep asking your self `what do I want to do with my life`` write down the question... write it multiple times, and also write down any answer that comes up, no matter how silly. If `carrot peeler`comes to mind, or other ridiculous things.. write em down. and keep asking your self this... you`re trying to reach through to your subconscious. Not an easy thing to do with all the noise we have going on. If you don`t get an answer quickly, just start asking yourself this as often as you can. I have a computer email reminder that pops up daily to make me think of it, and getting the subconscious to think about it.
Anyway.. at some point, you will find yourself writing something that makes you cry.. no out of sadness, but .. you`ll just know. YOu`ll have your answer. Writing questions until you get the answers you want is really great for releasing all kinds of crap. Other things are EFT, or emotional freedom technique. Google that, the guy has a free ebook, it seems really silly, but it really works.
A
female
reader, sweettina  +, writes (24 March 2010):
Hello, you are still very young lots of people make mistakes in conversations and so have I. that hasn't stop me from talking to people. some people you speak to will feel the same way that you do. when speaking to other's try to stay on topics that you know. If you don't know what someone is talking about, Just ask question's. I am 47yo woman and I feel the same way you do. Stop being hard on yourself. sometimes people can be judgemental also. Stop caring what other's think it's what you think is most important! take some hobbie's, have fun enjoy your life. To me the only people that are stupied, are people who are racist or mean and out to hurt other's. to me you are smart for posting this ad.Be assertive LOve who you are now and except yourself as you are you will be amazed how happy you will feel. take care Hugs Tina.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): Hay I am 45 years old and have the same felling in side me I think it started with me when I was about 20 years old please seek help with understanding what is going on with you I did not and now it has consumes me you don't wont this.
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A
male
reader, Hallaback +, writes (2 July 2009):
Hay I hope you can find what your looking for soon I am 45 years old and I have let this same mental state of mine go unchecked and now it consumes me act fast and seek help if necessary if you don't it will only get worst
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A
male
reader, braingareth +, writes (23 July 2008):
Hello there, my name is gareth i am 26 and i am going through the same thing at the momment, I feel deppressed and paranoid and am streesed because i feel that I should be focusing on my goals whatever they are. Just to say that its fine that you dont know what to do as a career just yet, there is an immense amount of pressure on most people to achieve and I think this takes us off the task of finding our true selves. I read a book written by shatki gawain its called livin in the light and it deals with spiritual aspects of life which can help us discover our true paths and guide us to our higher destiny because we all have a part to play in the bigger scale of things. In this society its like a race to see who gets there first which will lead to stress and confusion, who am i doing this for?, why am i doing this?. I would say that livin in the light is a book that can help its changed peoples lives all over the world and they are now persuing there real destiny i would recomend you buy it. In time you will get there.lv.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): Hi, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in what you are feeling. I worked for 8 years in a dead end job and hated every miniute of it. I had an abusive boss and in that time I have also had an abusive partner and lost most of my frieds. Its strange but one day I woke up and decided that everything I did from that moment on would be to change my life for the better because im a good person and I deserve a good life, as do you. I enrolled in nursing (something I always thought I was too stupid to do) and am excelling in my study. I got rid of the boyfriend and started rebuilding my friendships. Life is too short to feel crap and I wish I had have realised it earlier (im 28) take a while and really think about what your passionate about and what inspires you and go for it, what you come up with may really surprise you. I can assure you that you are not stupid just waiting to be inspired.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): Hi, I just wanna say well done feeling the way you do and admitting it. I think its normal to reach mid 20s and wonder where is our life going Im at a similar age, and also feel quite lonely and confused.
I think it is definately a good idea to try a self help book by doctor Phil. Its important to make sure you put yourself first and love your self as much as poss. A friend suggested I look into the religion of wicca, and while it sounds extreme it is defiantely a lifepath that can make you feel good about yourself. I hope I havnt offended you with this suggestion, but if you want direction a new faith can sometimes give you one. If interested there is a very good book I can reccomned- its nothing to heavy and the main emphasis is on loving yourself not magic.
Well good luck and I hope you find yourself. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): Hi love, I perfectly understand about the mood swings love, after abuse even though you want to forget, it is in the back of your mind.. I have been through coutless therapy because of what my husband did to me, and i am not the same person that i was before, It matters not how i try to forget it left scars... I may be stronger in some ways and i may have learnt alot but i also am very jumpy around certain people. So its very understandable sweetheart I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER VERY SOON TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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female
reader, ANG3L3Y3S +, writes (1 July 2007):
ANG3L3Y3S is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot guys, I am currently working as a receptionist but sometimes, in fact all the time i think to myself its not want i want to do. I no there are alot of people who would luv to have a job as a recept. but at the same time there isnt. Sometimes i do contradict myself. My husband tells me i stress about nothing and that i put to much pressure on myself. I have no kids as yet i would like to. I have been abused by my ex boyfreind and he s hurt me in so manys ways possible, I dont want to remind myself as its been such a long time. I also think that it has to do with my past with my mom and dad and now its starting to affect me... I dont no. My dad was very abusive (physically) to my mom really bad. there are people who s been though worse and bounced...i kno... but i always tend to think about it and it hurts so much. I would like to bounce back and just be content as i have loving husband. I want to be confident like other people and have a direction in life. My sis says if my husband leaves me i ll be left with nothing! This is not the reason why i want to advance myself or maybe it is. I am so confused its unreal. I can be very agresstive and very caring and the same time my mood swing fluctuates which is bad for my job but i do controll it :-) I smile. Well again i wud like to thank u lv Angel eyes x
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male
reader, BexyB +, writes (30 June 2007):
Hi there. Your post is quite heart wrenching and I feel for you. It reminds me of how I felt at the same age as you.
As I got older I realised that inward thinking (concentrating on yourself and how you come across to others) is the main problem when it comes to conversations. The art of conversation is all about thinking about the other person you are talking to. Be interested in them and forget about yourself. Put a smile on your face, ask questions about them and put them at ease. Everybody says the wrong thing sometimes. If you do, laugh about it or apologise (whichever is appropriate) - it's not the end of the world.
Regarding your studies - why are you studying? Is it something you want to do or something you think you should do? Maybe it just isn't for you.
You don't say whether or not you have a job at the moment or whether you're working up to one (or putting it off by studying). You are obviously computer literate so there are many jobs out there for you.
Yes, there are women your age who are well into their careers but maybe a career wouldn't mean the world to you. Don't judge yourself against other people because you are an individual with your own desires and talents which may be completely different to other peoples.
You say you got married at 20 Are you still married and is your home life a happy one?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): Hi love,
Believe me when i say you are not alone, If you are really unhappy in your course have a look at some other ones that you maybe havent even thought about to give you a challenge, Even if you dont want to take it up you will have something to fall back on, and you will find an added interest.. Dont put yourself down you are worth very much to many people around you and have wonderfull qualitys that you probably do not see in yourself... everybody at some point in there lives question where they are going in life love, You need to gain a little self confidence you will find some good books on amazon to help with this, maybe going to see a doctor to ask for advice on if there is any help he could advice you with as you mention depression it may be that you are a little down at the moment and the world always looks empty when you feel this way so you will as well. Ask the people in your life family and friends who you are close to, to discribe you in three words.... And darling never think you are stupid as that is just not true we all have special qualitys and so do you very much so, you are still young and have lots of time to decide where you want to go in life. And just by reading your question i can tell you are a very caring person. So dont worry to much hun it will all come right in the end stay strong MUCH LOVE TO YOU TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Always_Smiling +, writes (30 June 2007):
Someone else has made you feel like this at some point and it's stuck.
I'm 44, when I was at school the Headmaster called me the dumb blonde. My first marriage was to a man who was verbally abusive (I know sounds silly but it can be as bad as physical abuse!).
I had 2 babies by 26, and when my husband went off with another woman I was at my lowest possibly point.
I got a job, studied and was so determined to turn around the perception of myself being dumb. I started a Masters Degree in 2000 and graduated in 2005 MSc IT.
But ... between 26 and 44 I've also been married to another man of 10 years who I probably didn't pay enough attention to hence a recent divorce.
So, I'd say I don't think anyone knows exactly what they want out of life and some people are happy without a goal. If you start something I'd say stick to it, as you will feel so much better in the end without 'another failure feeling'. Everything is hard, studying isn't easy.
I think I've studied enough in my time and I need to get the balance right between love and studying :-)
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female
reader, flower girl +, writes (30 June 2007):
 Just because you are 24 it does not mean you should know what you want from life, i'm 29 ok i'm married with children which i am completely happy with but career wise i still have no idea what i want to do and that does not worry me.
You are still young and if you think you are losing interest in the course that you are doing at the moment re-evaluate and see if there is something else that takes your fancy.
You are putting far too much pressure on yourself and that is probably why you are having difficulty in focusing on things that interest you at the moment.
You are in no way at all either stupid or incapable of anything, maybe your are suffering with a mild form of depression which can make you lose your confidence and make you feel like you are stupid and incapable, and this could be due to the stress of your studies.
Why don't you pop and see you doctor and explain to them how you are feeling at the moment and see if they can come up with a reason for it.
Take care.xx.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): Hi, I think you would benefit from some counseling, and also, if you do the excercises in Dr. Phil's Books, "Self Matters", it will help you get some focus, and "Relationship Rescue" work might help as well, because perhaps your marriage is making you feel a bit unconfident.
I think it really helps to figure out what you are good at, what makes you you, and what you might be passionate about, and then try to find a career that utilizes most of those skills, it isn't easy, a lot of people have issue with these kinds of things, so don't compare yourself to other's as that never helps anything....also, I would try to find a mentor, perhaps and older woman in your community who is career focused, and if there are any professional groups or career groups for women in your area, join them....or something like Toastmasters which helps you get over the fear of public speaking and can improve how you come accross to others in a professional matter, the people in this organization are there to learn from each other and to support each other through this, so it is a very successful way to gain self confidence, which a lack of often stems from fear....
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