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female
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anonymous
writes: I think i already know the answer to this but i wanted advice anyway... i came out of a 4 year relationship a few months ago. My boyfriend dumped me because i'd slept with someone else at uni. He was very understanding but still couldn't be with me. We still see eachother but it's completely on his terms- we see eachother a lot less and he always names the date, he never calls or texts and he usually wants to have sex as soon as i get to his place. i feel very used, but i still love him very much and can't bring myself to tell him i dont want to do this anymore. i want him back but i know he has no intention of getting back with me. i know what i've done but i can't keep suffering for it, it was a stupid thing to do and he knows how sorry i am. is his behaviour out of order or am i going mad? please help me, thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): Hey thereI know this is a hard kinda situation. I had been in a similar situation where my bf and i split up and were having casual 'ex sex'. I still loved him (and still do) and figured that getting something was better than getting nothing.I decided that enough was enough - the best thing to do is to be open and honest and talk to him about it. Ask him - why are you still wanting to sleep with me? Tell him how you feel - you have nothing to lose so use it as an opportunity to say what you really want to say to him.With my boy, I spoke to him about it. And he was not ready to get back into a relationship (in our case, getting back together means commitment to a serious relationship). It has taken a year, but now our relationship is like it was. So I say that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain from communicating.And if he tells you he is using you for sex, you can tell him where to go.Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): Why would he want anything to change? He's getting sex on tap. If you want to stop "suffering", then you need to stop having sex with him, that's not going to bring him back to you. Discover some self-respect and find someone who wants you for your personality and your good points rather than because they know you'll put out whenever they say so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): Hi there,
If you're like me it's hard to be without a man in your life, even though friends keep advising to 'just have a break and be on your own for a while'. You don't feel like going with anyone else at the moment I bet either, no one is as nice as he is (I know you're thinking this :-)) so it's a catch 22 for you.
So ... you have to go out and find any man, if anything to take your mind off him, and just to have a laugh with your mates about. Then find another if you have to, just for a few weeks.
You'll be having a laugh about things and it's another subject of discussion :-)
I hope this helps, as I'm in exactly the same situation as you and I've only just realised this is what I'm about to embark on. I know this is going to work :-)
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (30 June 2007):
 If this is his way of paying you back for what you done then it is very creul, ok you made a mistake we all do at some point in our lives but he has no right to now treat you in this way.
I would sever all contact with him as i think it would be best for both of you to move on.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 June 2007):
 His behavior IS out of order. I don't think you need to pass through this to "pay" for sleeping with someone else. You deserve respect as well, madam. If I were you, I would tell him that you know you did was wrong but you want a relationship. If he can't give you that, well, move on. And, DON'T have sex with him again unless things go back to normal.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (30 June 2007):
 Babe u did wrong and now he is using u.. tryin 2 make u think ur payin for it.. if u get me.. move on for him.. he aint worth ur time.. u both deserve better.. mail me if u wanna talk x x x x x x
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