A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I of almost 20 years had a fight over petty things mostly by me on Christmas Day. While preparing dinner for us that night he found a bag that I put in the laundry room that was given to me by my friend. It's a nice bag but I do not consider it as purse that I can carry around everyday, it's more of a grocery bag. He told me that I do not take care of nice things especially that it was given to me by a good friend of mine. He said it's collecting dust in the laundry room. I told him that I put that in there because it's meant for a grocery bag but he just keep on insisting that it's a nice bag that I should take an extra care of it. At that point I flipped out. Here I am making nice dinner for us to have a nice Christmas dinner but my mood at this point changed. I did not talk to him and we have still some presents to open that night but I just lost my interest at that point. I was really looking forward on this Holiday break. We were staying at our vacation home and I truly want to enjoy every bit of it but my spirit was crushed.I also did not talk to him on the New Year. Here's my beef, the person who gave me the bag is my good friend and she is the girl that for some reason my husband likes to kiss and hugs for greetings every chance he can for the span of time we went out like some dinner out or a dinner in our house. It brought back my irked memories towards him. It was big fight before. I told him that it was disrespectful to me and total disregard of my feelings. He said that he was just trying to be friendly.The root of it all are the compilations of his mistakes from one thing to the other.He loves to ogles too and this hugs and kisses to the cheeks gesture too is totally disgusting me especially to someone who just newly introduced to him. He said next time he will remember and will try to act like a cold fish. I don't want him to be like that of course. I just want him to be decent and a simple handshake should be sufficient. I love my husband so much and it pains me that I am not talking to him. Although I told him last night the reason why I still comes home because of my girls. He said again that I am overreacting. Sometimes though I am a fed up. He promised so many things year after year that he won't work as hard and comes home earlier but it did not happen. He will a better husband... Not' .. Our sex life is zero but I thought that I love him dearly not just for sex anyway. But I miss it badly though. I just want some cuddle, I don't even get those. Sometimes I cried some nights of not being wanted. I am sleeping in a different room for sometime now. It does not even matter to him because he's gone instantly as soon as he's in bed. He had ED and I thought not to push him to get some help because if should be in his initiative to do it. I know he loves me, I don't think he is cheating either because he surely has no time for it. Not to sound bragging but I still look young on my 40's and have kept myself always looking good. My husband on the other hand let go of himself but I accepted that he is my teddy bear but when he does things to me that made me sad just truly completely made me thought in my mind How dare this man? Of course I am not perfect too. He told me that I occasionally flare up. Of course I do. I am a wife with no sex at all. I am raised with religion I can't just go out there and have some fling. I don't know for a smart guy he seems clueless. I told my daughter that I will ask for annulment. She cried hard and said that she won't try anymore to do good in school and will commit suicide. It broke my heart. So I don't think I will pursue the annulment topic to my husband for the sake of my children. I am stuck. My husband mentioned before that knowing I am around he is happy and complete. I am indeed stuck. Maybe if he sounds remorseful and will say sorry to me for making me sad on Christmas Day and New Year's Eve I may give him a consideration by not ignoring him. Is it too much to ask? He said that I myself made me unhappy by putting myself in this situation. Perhaps he is right. Sorry for the long letter.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 January 2014):
 During the holidays, people are hyper sensitive about every little thing. It is a volitile time due to a zillion different reasons. I suspect this will blow over ad the little bage issue will be in the rear view mirror by Easter. Just try not to mention it any more. It's such a minor thing overall.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2014): Thank you WiseOwlE for your wise and sound and somewhat fun advise. You made me laugh in some area because somehow it's true. I started talking to my husband already and I do agree to you that being mean is such a big turn off and I tend to be that way when I get upset. But the thing is my husband loves to flirt and way too friendly which always embarrasses me when I'm with my friends or with his friends. He do have a big problem . His ED is obviously affecting our intimacy. 5 years of not having sex is a long time but I guess I just have to accept it because I do love him and if I do want to be separated from him my kids whose both teenagers will be very much affected and my eldest already told me that if I leave them she will commit suicide and she is my sweetheart both of my girls are truly my treasure, I simply cannot break their hearts... Life goes on and I guess I can handle it. Thank you also iamHereToHelpYou for your advise and taking the time reading my letter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): I think you are on the brink of menopause and your reactions may be hormone induced. I think your lack of sex and frustration reaches peak moments, and you fly off the handle. You're only human. We've all been there, or will eventually get there. You problems sound pretty mundane.
I give must concede to your concerns; because they are totally legitimate. However; extremely small. They do pile up, and eventually there's the straw that breaks the camel's back. I guess he found it!
I suspect you're moody and can have a sharp tongue when something hits you the wrong way. Your temper can turn on a dime. These things happen to people as they grow older in a marriage. It takes will and effort to get through the difficult times. Being passive aggressive by not speaking to your husband is childish and petty. It's a big turn-off in the bedroom. Mean people suck!
He wasn't complaining about the bag, and you know it. He was telling you that you just put it on a shelf, and you're not utilizing it for what it was intended. You weren't showing appreciation for a nice gift. You seized the opportunity to vent your frustrations. You wanted to hurt his feelings, and now you had the perfect opportunity.
No sex, so he's going to suffer for it! Then do something about it as a couple dammit! Stop the bitching and show him the sweet woman you really are.
Oh give me a break lady about the the kisses and hugs. It's not sex. He is only being nice; and if he has a limp wiener, what's your worries? He couldn't cheat if he wanted to.
If you haven't found a remedy to his ED, what are you waiting for? Why hasn't he gotten a complete physical to see what the problem is? If he can use the blue pill to reignite your sex-life. Why hasn't he?
Maybe because your personality just isn't very seductive at the moment. I doubt it's your fault. It's probably one of the big "M's!" Menopause, or your menstrual period. Even a change in your birth-control pills can change your personality and moods.
Your problem isn't that he doesn't care, you're experiencing the change of life; and everything seems irritating and off-balance.
I would love to be amongst he and his male friends; when they talk about their wives.
I would get a lot of information you've left out. You want to sway all empathy your way. If he was so horrible; you would have left him a long time ago. So I'm going to force you to do a little introspection. You've criticized him enough. Nagging and bad-temperament, can cause erectile dysfunction. Aside from health and physiological reasons.
Now what about your daughter? If she is a teenager, that's nothing new under the sun. I can help you there too.
Spill it!
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