A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this man 6 months, he's an expat, although he will soon be a permanent resident. He has never missed a Christmas with his family, but this year he didn't go back home for the holidays. His dad offered to pay for this ticket home, but he turned it down. He said he didn't have holiday days and if he were to go home, we can't go on holidays together like we planned. Well, since he was spending his first Christmas alone, I decided to invite him to join my family for dinner and to also introduce him to my parents. I had no intention of introducing him to my parents until I knew we were fully committed. So my Christmas invitation was more out of guilt that I didn't want him to spent Christmas alone. We've never talked about if his parents knew he has a parent, so I just learned this past week that his parents have no idea he has a girlfriend and he doesn't want to tell them. He said he doesn't want them to get attached and that it would be about a year until I will meet them (we're planning to visit his country this coming Christmas). Also, he stated that he doesn't introduce anyone who he doesn't think is the one to his parents, and he hasn't met the one yet (although 3 past girlfriends have already met his parents-- the end result is that his parents are still bringing them up). So I am hurt by this. He knows that I don't introduce anyone to my parents except for when I think that there's potential--which he said he was pleasantly surprised by the invitation. Of course, the case for him is different because his parents live in a different country but he could at least mentioned me, but instead he's hiding it from them. My birthday is coming up, I think he wants to celebrate it, but my dad wants to do dinner. So I'm planning on spending my birthday with my family and thinking of not inviting him. I don't want to make myself out of be a fool by having him around my family when I'm not of an importance for him to mention it to his family. He's a great guy, and I understand his reasoning, but because I've already introduced him to my family, I feel like I have more to lose and I don't want to give my family the impression that he's the one. I'm hope my ranting makes sense. I'm looking for some advice as to if I'm overthinking this matter and any input would greatly be appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to advise me.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 January 2014):
 You both need to sit down and talk about this. You need to ask him what he sees in the future for you both and tell him that it has hurt your feelings that he has not mentioned you to his family. Although I can see why you would feel hurt it could also be that his family do annoy him by talking about his exs therefore maybe he just wants to keep his life private which is okay as well but you both need to sit down and talk it out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): This is quite confusing... didnt you say you are going to visit them.this christmas (2014?) Although it is a years time... but if you werent important I dont think he would make those plans? He DID say it in a rude way, however. I would just be honest with him about your feelings. If you really want to spend your bday with your family, you should be honest with him and tell him you feel uneasy about having him with your family because he was not honest about you with his family and perhaps that you feel unimportant.
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