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male
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anonymous
writes: When i am around members of my family especially my father, brother or some cousins, i feel immensely stressed. I feel they are all obsessed with power, wealth and grandiosity and give very little importance to emotions. I feel they try to own me or control me and i makes me feel uneasy in facing them. I become so much anxious that i can't talk to them directly looking in their eyes. I am a different person when i am with my friends who have similar ambitions to mine. I am 25 right now and can't go to work because of this problems. I feel similar stress at work and feel guilty of not being worth anything. Please advice.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 October 2006):
 Hey Dude,
It sounds to me that you feel lots of intimidation, maybe even panic attacks. You also sound like a nice guy too afraid to stand up for yourself. There is no easy answer for you.
You need to learn to be comfortable with agressive emotions. Learning how to fight, or self defense would be a start. Also, there are books on verbal self defense. Basically, my guess is that you do not feel comfortable, nor do you trust yourself with your own agression. You worry about who you might hurt. That makes you a nice guy, BUT it also makes you a target. You need to get over yourself.
You will never be able to defend a woman who is being attacked with your current state. If a woman senses this in you, you will be branded a coward and spend many years, or even the rest of your life ALONE.
How do I know? Part of my semianrs is to counsel adult aged male virgins (I have meet dozens from age 18 to 37). This is one comment trait they all have. You can read about my adult male virgin seminar on my site of franktalks.com
Start off by learning some kind of fighting/self defense technique, and get some therapy in the area of verbal self defense conflict resolution. No one can grow balls for you...you are the only one that can do that.
Time to grow up. If at 25 you can not work to support yourself, you will not be able to ever get your life to be your own. Move out of your parents house now.
-Frank B Kermit
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