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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I hate my body and myself. I hate my body because I have small boobs, which look really ridiculous with my huge thighs. I'm slim, actually my BMI is ok, but I'm still so flabby and no matter how much I diet and exercise I just can't get rid of my thighs and of course my boobs just get smaller and smaller. I also have a wide, but small butt. It's wide, but it's not round and big like men in my country like. Men here also love big boobs and a small waist, kind of like an hourglass shape, but I'm not like that. I also have cellulite in my thighs, and men always say it's gross, and I've heard there's not much one can do against cellulite, except for liposuction, and I'm not doing that. Also for the boobs I'd never get implants because men like big natural breasts but always say negative things about implants... pft, even though they spend half their lives masturbating to "enhanced" tits! So it's a lose lose since guys just make fun of small boobs, and I just look at my body and think I'm disgusting since I have all the things men hate (small boobs, weird butt, cellulite, HUGE thighs) and none of what they like.I also hate myself because I always complain about things and get annoyed easily and I hate bitchy women, but I'm bitchy! I just don't know what to do, because sure, I can stop verbalizing these thoughts, but the thoughts and feelings will still be there! Like for instance I always get annoyed when people mock me playfully (you know, light hearted jokes), or I hate it when I'm watching TV with my boyfriend and there are sexualized women on commercials or movies, or when we're having lunch with my family and they'll offer something I don't like to eat ("Do you want some sweet pepper salad?") and they know I don't like it, and instead of saying "No, thanks", I say "I have told you A THOUSAND times that I hate sweet peppers!". I hate myself, I think I'm one of those bitter people that no one likes, and I hate being like that but I just can't seem to change how I feel inside, even if on the outside I can act nice, I still feel bitter inside.So ugly + awful personality = worthless person. So I'm worthless.
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female
reader, AinScottsdale  +, writes (23 December 2009):
I am not a therapist but i will tell you some things that i spent a lot of money learning. 1. do things that you believe are morally or ethically right to build self respect and hang on to your deep inner goodness when you start to feel worthless. Like volunteer or just do nice things for people less fortunate than you like the elderly, then when you feel worthless just say yeah but I did __________, how many people do that?2. make a list of things you like about yourself, you may think this sounds dumb, I sure did, but it really works. Start with really really little things like I have a good eye for stylish shoes or I was nice to a guy at work today. I HATED it at first but my list is up to 6 pages single spaced TYPED, every time I read it it makes me feel good, it is entitled "why i'm cool." turns out - I AM!3. make a list of things that you can do that make you smile, from the simple to the complex, it can be anything from looking at the starry sky to going skiing- it's called in therapy the adult schedule of pleasant events-when you feel worthless force yourself to do these things! you won't want to but each time you make yourself do one of these things it will build your inner fiber as a human being and help you to rely on yourself to care for yourself4. nurture yourself in a sensory way, make your surroundings as beautiful as you can or go see some natural beautiful scenery, listen to beautiful music, smell flowers and vanilla and candles, feel satin pajamas and faux fur throws and pet a puppy or sit in a jacuzzi or just a hot oil bath, eat only foods and drinks that you love the taste and aroma of-the more you derive pleasure from your body the less you will hate it, remember it isn't there for men to like or not like, its there to make YOUR life enjoyable 5. do not INTERNALIZE other people's comments or behaviors, remember that what people do and how they react has to do with THEM and not with YOU. practice "radical acceptance" and compassionate forgiveness. when your mom forgets that you don't like hot pepper dishes do not be angry, remember that like you, others are doing the best the can with the resources and abilities they have at the time. if your boyfriend cannot see that you are a fabulous catch and not stare at the objectified women on tv commercials it is not because you are worthless, it is because for some reason, he does not have the ability or intelligence to discern that those women will do NOTHING without being paid, and you are there because you care about him. If he is unable to see your true worth it is NOT because you have no worth, but because of a deficiency in HIS personality. When others behave selfishly or badly or make fun of you, pity them because they would be a lot happier if they had compassion in their hearts, but sadly, they are too stupid to know it. Just smile and put yourself around mostly only compassionate kind people to the extent possible.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): I'm not qualified to handle your self loathing issues. I'm sure there are smarter people here that could do a better job than me so I'll leave it to them. But what I can do is tell you as a man that there is nothing wrong with small boobs. Sure men like big ones, but when it comed down to it they're all great, big small and in between. Some men even prefer small boobs! So don't let that bother you because I'm sure they're beautiful.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): now listen up! :) i am a very slender man, do i hate the fact i have a pidgeon chest? do i hate the fact that i do not have bulging muscles in all the 'right' places? do i hell girl, and you know why? because as the song says "if everybody looked the same, we wouldnt even want to look at each other".why do you think your thighs are to big? because the ads say? because all those movies portray slim thighs as attractive? same for the boobs.now i dont know if its a case of opposites attract here, but i can tell you straight off i find larger thighs on a girl alot more attractive than sticks. and as for the boob issue, they can be big, small, medium for all i care i just like them for what they are not for there size.you know, if you just let go of all these body issues and realise that not all men want a slim girl then im sure the personality prob you find you have would also change, feel good about what you have and the vibes will show.i like big thighs!
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (2 October 2009):
 If your BMI is ok then I highly doubt that you are ugly. You may not be THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, but most people are not! There is nothing wrong with being average looking! Especially if you have a good personality. If you think you are not attractive, work on your personality. Even a very beautiful person becomes very unattractive if they have a bad personality! Judging from how you write, you definitely appear to have a negative attitude about different things in life. Having a positive attitude not only makes you appear more beautiful, but will also make you feel happier, and will make your life much easier. Always find the positive in every situation, what is the use of finding the negative of every situation? It is of no use at all!! It only hurts you. Also, don't worry with your family who asks you if you want to eat that food you hate. I have a feeling that in the country you are coming from, table hospitality is excessive, just like the country that I am originally from (Romania), people in these cultures feel a polite obligation to always insist you eat more of everything on the table, even if you are so stuffed full of food that you cannot move. Even though they know you hate the food, the feeling of obligation wins, and they always ask you to eat more, even though they know you'll probably say no! It is a matter of traditional ettiquette winning over common sense! I have seen it so many times! It bothers me just as much as it bothers you, but there is nothing we can do about it! It takes generations to change a culture!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 October 2009):
Of course you're not worthless. The post below gives you all the information about the girl stuff that I dont know about. I can tell you from a male point of view that a man likes a woman to be confident with herself. The right guy will like you as you are and that's it! He's out there. If your confidence is this low, have you thought about counselling so you can just get all your feelings out? Then you'll understand why you feel like you do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): well honestly sweetie, i really understand. Im not the perfect size. I have learned 2 things that have made all the difference. A good man and attitude. A good man is one who loves you as is. One that will pat your butt every chance he gets even after 27 years. And says the magic words...more than a handful is a waste. :)Find clothes that maximize the bust. A lacy camisole that peaks out. ..and clothing that minimizes the thighs. If you feel attractive you will be more attractive. A sense of humor can be developed. Work on finding humor in unexpected places. The only other thing that ive considered is learning to walk on my hands. That would put big on top and rmall on the bottom! just a thought.
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